February 27, 2008
And trust me, there will be adventures.
Hopefully I don't run into this guy.
February 26, 2008
Ok, hold it right there. What? How can it be baseball time. It is still February. What?
Yeah, baseball is here. At least in Nebraska. The Cornhusker baseball team kicked off the 2008 season last week at Stanford. Now Stanford, I can see them playing baseball right now. California, it's always nice.
Nebraska, not so much.
Yesterday it snowed. Today the high was around 20. Yeah, that doesn't sound like baseball weather to me.
Or maybe, in the Midwest, that IS baseball weather.
Don't forget, Omaha is home of the College World Series. That means it will be in the 100's with at least 95% humidity.
February 25, 2008
Every year there is a mullet throwing competition. Here's the official description:
"A Mullet Toss consists of individuals on the beach throwing a mullet, from a 10-foot circle in Alabama across the state line into Florida."
Well, Roald Bradstock of Britain did it. He broke the world record in his age group (he's 45) for throwing a mullet. He hurled a wet, dead mullet 169 feet and 9 inches.
And if that wasn't an accomplishment in itself, he later set the world record for throwing an ipod. He chucked his 154 yards. Yeah, crazy.
But if iTunes keeps acting up, I my be attempting to beat his record with a toss of my own.
Back to the mullet toss though. My question is, why do the people in Alabama throw the fish into Florida? Do they know that their state is really lame? Maybe the Alabamans are just jealous that Florida is a huge vacation hotspot. Or that Florida has Disney World. Yeah, that must be it.
We here at Just South of North are very interested in participating in a mullet toss. Here's the flyer if you would like to go. But sadly, we haven't been training. Maybe next year.
Remember when "Good Will Hunting" came out and Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were given genius status in Hollywood. Now they're a long-running YouTube joke. Wow guys, way to use that potential.
February 24, 2008
Problem is, I suck at Wii Golf, I suck large, steaming, smelly donkey crap at Wii Golf. My best score on that game is +8, and keep in mind that you’re playing a nine-hole course. That’s god-awful, somewhere John Daly is laughing, chugging a fifth of whiskey and passing out in some woman’s lap. But that’s what he does, because he’s John Daly.
Now me on the other hand, am not as cool as John Daly, that’s probably why I’m playing Wii Golf by myself in my room on a Sunday night. That’s okay though, I have anti-depressants on the way via UPS.
Oh and thanks to my bootlegged mult-player program I loaded up on the Wii, Casey also got to be in the game of Wii Golf. Problem is, he really wasn’t concerned about my quest to improve my golf score, as you will see throughout this post.
I started off my nine-hole game on a very negative note, overshooting the green on my second shot, however I was able to save face by chipping close to the hole for an easy par putt-in.
Casey, on the other hand, didn’t even play the first hole, he was too busy using the “Mii Parade” feature on the Wii. “Hey check this out, somebody made a Mii of Matt Damon!”
Screw Matt Damon. Just like Sarah Silverman did.
On the second hole, I promptly put my ball in the sand. And nothing bugs me more than sandy balls.
I chip it on the green but two-putt the damn thing. I wrap my putter around a tree via a special and widely unknown button-combination code. Casey, on the other hand, it making sand castles in the bunker.
I did manage to have one good hole in the game, smashing through the trees twice on the third hole but making a nice putt for birdie. That put me back at even.
Then came my worst enemy, the 4th hole in Wii golf. The Island hole. This hole gives me nightmares. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat after imagining that I overshot the island for the umpteenth time. It’s about as frustrating as one of those claw machines at the Supermarket. You know what I mean? The claw machines where you try and pick up some sort of prize out behind class but the damn thing always seems to loose its grip at the last moment? That’s what it’s like playing on the Island hole.
And I bogeyed it. Way to go, Brandon. Maybe this is why your relatives don’t talk to you anymore.
Casey was strangely playing Waverunner 64 around the island during this hole.
On the fifth hole, I hit one tree, and then another, and then I bogey the hole to go up +2. I’ve struck more wood in this game that a teenager looking at the latest swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated.
Casey points and laughs, but a virtual bird flying above drops a little present on his Mii’s head, who strangely looks like Matt Damon.
“Did you load up the Matt Damon Mii? Why?”
“I like Matt Damon.”
“….. get away from me”
I got a par on the 6th hole, but really screwed things up on the seventh, by three-putting for the double bogey and going up to +4 in the game.
However, hope was in sight, with only two holes left, I could get another high score on the game, as long as I didn’t screw things up.
I set myself up with a par on the eighth, while Casey flew a kite with his Matt Damon Mii. I had a four-shot cushion on my best score.
And then… the ninth hole. I was on stroke seven and I haden’t even gotten past the driving tees because of the water hazards and when I finally made it to the green, it was a lost cause.
I got a +5 on the hole. They don’t even have a cool bird nickname for that.
As I left the game in disgust, I noticed Casey and his Matt Damon Mii skipping off into the sunset.
It was then I realized that I hate golf, and Matt Damon.
1. You spent the whole day waiting for the NASCAR race to begin: the race was rain delayed. Supposed to start at 2:30 CST. At 8:40 CST FOX gave up and just started playing The Simpsons. Solution: The Simpsons RULE!
2. You worked on homework all day: College seems to always have more homework to do. No matter how hard you work, you can never get it all done. Solution: Drop out and move to California to sell mangos on the beach.
3. You spent all day downloading music to your new Ipod from CDs and the Internet: yeah, that is a very time consuming event. Solution: Sell your Ipod and buy a Walkman. Remember Walkmans? Those were so amazing.
4. You spent all day cleaning house: first of all, who does that? Second of all, why do that? Solution: Shove the mess to the sides of the room so you have a path around the house.
5. You layed on the floor, avoiding the light: maybe you live in your parents basement, maybe you have a hangover, maybe you are a vampire. Either way, lame. Solution: Video games. They solve everything.
6. You wasted all day trying to come up with a blog idea, and this is all you have: yeah, maybe the next one will be better. Solution: Read Just South of North everyday.
Oh, and tomorrow is Monday. Sure to be worse than no matter what you did today.
February 23, 2008
His journey of greatness started as a police officer on Christmas Eve, responding to a seemingly harmless call to the Nakatomi Plaza but little did he know that terrorists had taken it over.
He helped equally awesome super badass John McClane stop a plot to steal more than $640 million dollars.
You'd think that after such a heroic act that Winslow would recieve some nice desk job and retire. Instead he moved to Chicago with his family and had to take on the forces of Steve Urkel.
And don't forget this matchup against Carlsbad.
It's hard to find another person that has fought through so much adversity, but Winslow has done it. The world is a better place because of him. With that, I'd just like to thank him.
And show this awesome Die Hard movie video.
Anyone going to Die Hard?
February 22, 2008
"Fried Chicken Nuggets dipped in a vat of butter, oh goodie!"
Pita Pit is a good friend of mine, it's always bailed me out when I've been stumbling around at three in the morning with a severe case of the drunk munchies.
And go figure... it's a pretty good business too.
"Pita Pit Inc. has moved up on Entrepreneur Magazine's 2008 ranking of the top franchises in the United States, jumping from No. 212 to No. 195 on the prestigious list. After analyzing franchises that range from food service and retail companies to hotels and specialty supply stores, Entrepreneur annually names the top 500 U.S. franchises based on factors such as growth, stability, quality, and presence across the country."
And like most good things, Pita Pit started in Canada, but the USA branch is actually headquartered in Coeur d'Alene.
Which means, I'm about to make a drunken trek there just so I can rub elbows with executive Pita Makers. I wonder if they work while they're high too.
February 20, 2008
It's been an interesting past couple of days at the Harvard of the West Plains, Eastern Washington University. First, we had this huge budget crisis with the students which resulted in me going into uber-collegiate journalist mode.
Which basically means I put a dress shirt on for the first time in a year.
And then throw on classes, tests, papers and the normal hoops and firepits and I think I've had exactly three wonderful hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.
But, like, isn't this the normal college thing to do? I think that colleges get it all wrong when they market their school. Brochures usually have happy professors, lush green campuses (which by the way, is under snow during five months out of the year in Washington) and smiling students in co-ed dorm rooms.
Come on, that's fine if you're trying to sell a retirement community room to someone. Here's what schools should really being using to market themselves.
What would a school do with a legendary rock band? Have them be your spokesmen. Who else would be better suited to talk about partying everynight, getting sleep deprived, probably doing some sort of nasty drug and then live to tell about it?
That's right. Rock Stars.
So Universities, before you spend millions of dollars on a marketing campaign that's about as interesting as Carson Daly's late night show, you might want to look into marketing the fact that most college students develop all their health problems and addictions while in school.
I mean who wouldn't want to go to your institution then?
February 17, 2008
Knight Industries Three Thousand, or K.I.T.T, is amazing.
Instead of the 1982 Pontiac Trans Am, (which was Knight Industries Two Thousand), the new KITT takes the shape of a 2007 Shelby GT 500 KR.
Yeah, the car is amazing. It can change colors, add ground effects, has 550 horses, plus about a billion other features.
As for the actual show, it was great. And definately looks like it should be on the NBC lineup in the fall.
And if the movie wasn't already cool. David Hasselhoff shows up in it. Yeah, don't hassel the Hoff.
February 16, 2008
The NFL donated all of the 19-0 gear to Nicaragua. This was 290 hats and shirts. At least these kids are getting use out of the gear.
It appears that each of the loosing team hats and shirts are donated to countries each season. That means that somewhere children are dancing. Somewhere children are playing. Somewhere children are laughing.
And somewhere every loser of the Super Bowl won.
February 15, 2008
Where else are you going to see someone finish off a keg and then shave their armpit hair for good measure? And don't say WAZZU, because despite the best wishes of Husky fans and the entire Pac-10, the Palouse is actually part of the Planet Earth and not the moon.
However, someone is bound to crash the party. That's right, Alien invasion.
There are way too many lame humanoids out there that don't know how to have a good time, I mean how many times have you seen a good bar on Neptune? It's a large ball of gas, the only thing that would survive on that planet is Rosanne Barr.
So if you want to avoid being vaporized or having a creature burst from your chest, here's a couple things you can do to survive an alien invasion:
1. If there's a wise-cracking, former rapper with a cigar walking around, we suggest you follow him.
2. If you're in the military, try to stay out of the first wave of soldiers in the counter-attack. As Hollywood has shown us, counter-attacks to alien invasions usually lead to a complete butt-whopping of the U.S. military and there's usually something terrible that happens to them (They all get their brains sucked out or are forced to watch the TV series "Joey").
However, if there is a "last chance to save the world" opportunity that is risky, unorthodox and involves an IBM programmer, we suggest you participate in it because it's probably going to work.
3. If it looks cute, its probably going to eat your flesh.
4. The aliens will have shields, they always have shields.
5. Your relatives or friends will somehow survive the initial attack, and despite the city their in being completely wiped out, they'll be fine. You'll need to save them in some sort of heroic fashion though, but they won’t be tough to spot since their the only four people alive in a 500 mile radius.
6. Always sneak in the alien ship and fly it away. Despite the technology being from a different planet, the controls will still resemble that of a Playstation 3.
7. The mothership is the size of Texas but blowing it up in orbit will not cause any debris falling from space, because the explosion was just so cool.
8. Listen to the dorky scientist aid that slept with the president's aid, he knows more that 3,000 scientists working for NASA, the NSA and the FBI.
9. The Aliens are filled with goo, but its great tasting.
10. Everytime you kill an alien you have to make some reference to an Elton John song.
February 14, 2008
Yeah don't let that happen again.
Here's a couple of other things that you shouldn't do...
1. Spend the evening watching the latest episode of Smash Lab on the Discovery Channel with her.
2. Chuck-E-Cheeses. While this was a wonderful haven of magical animatronic creatures and plastic ball pits that inspired dreams of wonderment when you were eight. However, it's not going to get you laid when your 22.
3. Dressing up like a Superhero and running around the house trying to save your girl. Don't dress your pet dog as a superhero ever.
4. Ask to skip all the Valentines' Day foreplay and getting down to business.
5. Videotape it.
6. Go to dinner with your parents.
7. Go around telling people that its alright to be single on Valentines day. Not like that one hasn't been done before. You're basically Dick Cheney saying global warming isn't happening.
February 13, 2008
Well, with the ticket increase, where does this put the Patriots in the standings for most expensive tickets in the NFL? Congrats, you may have lost the Super Bowl, but you win this!
Here's the Top 5:
1. New England- Well, they do win games. And Boston does love their sports. I bet they could charge a $1,000 bucks a game and still sell out every game.
2. Washington- One of the NFL's most storied franchises. Also, one of the most expensive tickets each season. Now we'll have to see if Zorn can get them past the Wild Card round.
3. Chicago- I would expect that these prices take a bit of a hit after the lackluster year the Bears had this season. Da Bears!
4. Tampa Bay- Are they still trying to pay off that stadium? Yeah, the one with the HUGE pirate ship in it. Amazing.
5. Philadelphia- These people love their sports teams. The Eagles, the Phillies. Too bad both are a disappointment each year.
And now the bottom 5:
28. Jacksonville- After the 2007 season, and the future this team has, these tickets will become a hot commodity in Florida. Almost hotter than the babes on Daytona Beach. Almost.
29. New Orleans- Well, they had one good year. But then again, the fans that could make it to a game couldn't exactly empty their wallets for a game. Now they stink again. But there is hope, they play in the NFC South, which has a new Champion each season.
30. Cleveland- This one is surprising. Browns fans go to every game, and are always supportive. I bet these tickets could be one of the more expensive in the league and still sell out.
31. San Francisco- The fans in the Bay haven't had to worry about ticket prices since the Young/Rice tandum left. And that was many many moons ago.
32. Buffalo- 2000: 8-8, 2001: 3-13, 2002: 8-8, 2003: 6-10, 2004: 9-7, 2005: 5-11, 2006: 7-9, 2007: 7-9.....in other words, they haven't been good for a really long time.
February 12, 2008
February 11, 2008
But now the Dolphins, who are a franchise that is barely floating, need to acquire a quarterback. And fast. Because like the ABC show, they are just LOST right now.
Now this team, which has lacked a leader at coach all year, is now without a leader on the field. This is worse than when Kerry Collins just gave up on the Panthers.
Most draft boards have the Dolphins picking a defensive lineman in the draft with the number one pick. But the truth is, the Fins have an aging defensive and a non existent offense. But a rookie quarterback is not the answer for this team. They need a veteran leader who can take charge on the field, and in the locker room.
Plus, the quarterback class this year is less than stellar. Yes, I said stellar. Here's my suggestion to Bill Parcells.
Trade the number one pick for a quarterback and a later pick in the draft. There are a ton of defensive lineman this year.
So Mr. Parcells, here are the teams I believe you should be courting:
1. Arizona Cardinals- Kurt Warner
Who better to help jump kick this rebuilding than a two time NFL MVP and a Super Bowl winner? Warner didn't have a horrible year. Heck, he did better than Eli Manning did during the regular season. Plus, with Matt Leinart in Arizona, Warner won't start. Leinart is the QB of that franchise.
2. Pittsburgh Steelers- Charlie Batch
Batch is one of those quarterbacks that hardly ever gets a chance to play, but when he does he shines. You have to forget about his time in Detroit. Time spent there doesn't really count (unless you are Barry Sanders). Batch would be a great addition to the Dolphins, he's kinda the Trent Dilfer style quarterback. He doesn't make mistakes, but he doesn't really make plays either. He just doesn't mess up.
3. Dallas Cowboys- Brad Johnson
Johnson isn't a long term fix. He would just be a bandaid for the short term. Someone to help groom a younger quarterback, rather than toss them straight into the fire of a Patriots defense. Plus, somehow Johnson knows how to win games. Look at what he did last year in Minnesota.
Well, no matter what the Dolphins do, it will be a long time before they are back into the play-offs. They still have to play the New England Patriots twice, but at least they have Buffalo.
February 10, 2008
Morpheus: The Pro Bowl isn't real, Neo.
Matt Hasselbeck: Wait, who are you? You realize it's 90 degrees out here, why are you wearing a leather trench coat.
Morpheus: I'm Morpheus, you've been looking for me a long time, Neo.
Matt Hasselbeck: Morpheus.. oh, oh, no no, I just got drunk last night looking up porn and instead of typing in more... okay I'm not going to explain myself any further. Why are you calling me Neo.
Morpheus: Isn't that your StumbleUpon login name?
Matt Hasselbeck: Oh yeah, it's the bald head. All my teammates call me Neo. They say it's short for something. But, hey I got to practice, this is a big game.
Morpheus: You've got to make a choice, Neo, between the Red jersey and the Blue jersey. If you take one it will be for the wrong conference but no one will really care because it's the pro bowl.
Matt Hasselbeck: What? The Pro Bowl isn't a big deal.
Morpheus: Let me show you something Neo, here look at this computer laptop screen.
Matt Hasselbeck: Okay, hmmm, this is an NFL Forum, why have 180,000 people responded to the thread entitled "Why wont anyone come to my Pro Bowl Party"?
Morpheus: Because the Pro Bowl isn't a real game Neo, it's a fake. The NFL has enslaved your mind into thinking it's an actual athletic competition, but it's not Neo. You must free your mind and join the real world.
Matt Hasselbeck: But Brett Favre is standing right there! I know that's Brett Favre, I used to back him up in Green Bay.
Morpheus: While that's Brett Favre's body, his mind is somewhere else, Neo. He's probably had 15 margaritas before getting here. What the NFL is doing is using your body as a source of revenue.
Matt Hasselbeck: What?
Morpheus: That's right Neo, nobody is taking this game seriously. That's not a Pro Bowl defense over there, that's a bunch of guys that just came from Hawaiian strip mall to get souvenirs for their family members
Matt Hasselbeck: No, no, I don't believe you!
Morpheus: Believe it Neo. Do you think that's a real NFL football your throwing? It has festive Hawaiian flowers emblazoned on it. It's Yellow, green and pink Neo.
Matt Hasselbeck: How did this happen?
Morpheus: Several NFL players are hooked into the Pro Bowl. The NFL is trying to fool the world that they're showcasing the best football talent around. It's the most realistic recreation of a football game known to man. Some minds can't reject it's fakeness. People are so intertwined that they just refuse to leave the Matrix.
Matt Hasselbeck: The Matrix?
Morpheus: Yes, Neo. The Matrix, we're in Hawaii right now, which is an alternative reality of football. Look at the Hawaii Warriors, they were undefeated before playing an SEC team. They left the confines of the Matrix and were crushed.
Matt Hasselbeck: So none of this is real? What am I worried about then?
Morpheus: Other than Shaun Alexander being in your backfield next year, I'm not sure.
Matt Hasselbeck: So if this isn't real, does this mean that I can scramble outside the pocket.
Morpheus: Whoah, Matt. Don't get ahead of yourself.
February 9, 2008
The focus on the Mountaineers was very well diserved. They started off the college football season with an upset win over the then ranked #5 Michigan Wolverines in Ann Arbor.
That win over the Wolverines, was just the stepping stone to a 13-2 record and the Mountaineers 3rd straight NCAA Division 1-AA / Football Subdivision Championship. But despite the two losses, most of their wins looked like one sided arena football scores. (79-35, 45-7, 55-32, 49-21) Oh, I must add, except for their 38-35 victory over Eastern Washington University in the second round of the playoffs. Sure they won, but the Eagles put up a fight.
Anyway, back to the Mountaineers, despite their success this past season, I don't believe they will have a chance against LSU.
LSU is much different than the 2007 Michigan team. The Wolverines were embarrased basically week in and week out. They got their act together at the end, but it was still not a season to write home to mom about.
Where as this LSU team embarrased Ohio State for a national title.
Although, if you look at it this way, nobody gave Appalachian State a chance in Ann Arbor. And nobody will give them a chance in Baton Rouge. Maybe that will work out for the Mountaineers advantage.
February 8, 2008
Then there are these people
1. The Sweat Monkey
Covered in a wonderful sheen of his own mucus, the sweat monkey is always the toughest player to guard on the court because nobody wants to catch Hepititis from the guy's sweat. He also smells like someone mixed together raw tuna and a buffalo hide.
2. The guy that has absolutely no business being on the court or field
Forget playing high school sports, you're contemplating if this guy has even left his room in the past five years. He wears accents such a hiking boots with his shorts and an X-files t-shirt that says "Scully is a hotty". Now while we here at JSON think Scully is indeed a hotty, we don't play intramural sports anymore, so we're off the hook. However, we're pretty sure that our love for a fictional FBI agent is why Harry Potter fans laugh at us.
3. The Miami Fan
Never quite got this one. Despite the fact that they're from Ohio, the insist on wearing their Ricky Williams jersey during flag football and Dwayne Wade threads during bball. If that wasn't weird enough, he actually makes references to Don Shula and Marino when he's playing.
4. The old dude
Fresh off his flashback from Nam, this guy had decided to come back to school to get a degree and the full college experience, which would be fine except when he snaps people's necks with his special forces moves when somebody fouls him hard.
5. The Ringer
We're pretty sure Adam Morrison doesn't go to college any more so we're still wondering why he's listed as one of the other team member's distant cousin from Brasil in a late minute substitution. However, true to his NBA career, he has a poor shooting night and finishes with 10 points.
February 7, 2008
Wait, hold on a minute Mr. Shaq. Did you just say that when you get mad you win? I don't want to be the Debby Downer, but how do you win, when you're sitting on the bench?
Other skeptics have said that he won't fit in because of the fast paced run style the Sun have. To them Shaq said, "People assume I can't run. I love you run."
Again, sorry to inturrupt you Mr. Shaq. But when was the last time you actually ran? And not after the ice cream truck. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anyway, enough picking on Shaq. He is still a good player and will probably make an impact on the Suns. But seriously, NBA players switch teams faster than kids hyped up on sugar run around the fairgrounds.
National Boring Association
Keep in mind that this person attempted this 134 times, but the video is looped together creating that weird effect.
February 6, 2008
Roger Clemens is screwed. Again. Thanks McNamee.
Shaq may be headed to the Phoenix Suns. Does this mean we'll get a Kazaam Two?
Nolan Ryan becomes president of the Rangers, unclear whether or not he'll suit up this season.
Seahawks name Jim Mora Jr. to replace Holmgren after next year. Meaning that Seattle fans could get a "Playoffs? Playoffs? rant in the near future if they're lucky.
High School Football National Signing Day. I don't about you but I simply don't care about 17-year old kids. It reminds me what a sad individual I've become.
Duke vs. UNC tonight. Rumor has it that the collective nerdiness of both team's student sections may make the Dean Dome this year's largest Star Trek convention.
February 5, 2008
This model sparked the idea in other manufactures to join in with retro look.
In 2006 Dodge announced that it would bring back the Challenger. And shortly after that, GM announced that in 2009 the Camaro will be reborn as well.
Well, the 2006 Dodge Challenger concept was perhaps the hottest car to hit the motor show in a very long time.
It was modeled after the 1970 Dodge Challenger. And the day that the production model is released is just around the corner. According to http://www.dodgechallengercountdown.com/ we are less than a day from the official unveiling.
Tomorrow the new Pony War begins. This generation's muscle cars have finally arrived. The past has come full circle, and I can't wait!
This car will be amazing. And I will blog about the official car when it is released tomorrow. Until then, I will be waiting in anticipation. This is more exciting than Christmas!
February 4, 2008
Eli Manning: Dinosaurs are cool! Look I can make a dinosaur noise, RAWRRR! See, didn't that sound like a dinosaur.
Bill Belicheck: Well apparently I get a rebate on selling my soul to the devil now.
Terry Bradshaw: I smell jerky!
Las Vegas: Awwww, hell.
Rex Grossman: If Eli can do it than I can do! Come on, right guys? Why are you taping me to my locker again guys? What's that big nest of bees doing over there... and why are you putting honey on my chest right now?
Peyton Manning: I'm so proud of my little brother. Thank goodness we started doing commercials together. The League of the Future will catch on.
Tom Coughlin: Now maybe NY will stop wanting to fire me. Please?
Trent Green: What? The season is over? When did this happen? I don't even remember it.
John Madden: I could use a Tur-duck-hen. Does Bradshaw have Jerky?
Jeremy Shockey: Ha! Try and win without me guys. Try and beat the Patriots, yeah that's right, I'm going to get wasted up in the luxury suite on national television and you guys can just go pound sand. Oh wait.. damn... you're winning... stop that you're ruining my free agent contract! Plex -- I thought we were tight man.
Joe Buck: How'd you like my performance in my Super Bowl commercial? Why won't you acknowledge me off the air Troy? I am not a joke, Troy? People are not laughing behind my back, Troy? Did you fall asleep again, Troy?
Jerry Manning: Man, wow, sucks being the older brother.
Archie Manning: I'm glad that early 70s microwave accident didn't ruin any of my stock.
Tom Petty: Glad I got that hair dye just in time.
Kurt Warner: I remember that feeling. Instead now I am a backup in the state where the Super Bowl was just held.
Brett Favre: "There was an old woman, who lived in a shoe..."
'72 Dolphins: Thank you Giants. Eli, we love you. Eh em. We mean....that love....it was simply platonic.
Tony Romo: Jessica, heehee. Tickle fight!
Tom Brady: Hello ladies. How you doin?
Peter Griffin: SHAPOOPEE!
Roger Clemens: You know you all should really pay attention to the Super Bowl. I mean forget about baseball, it's really not America's sport anymore. Forget about baseball. Steriods, yeah forget about those too. And uh, just forget about me as well please, and make sure to check back in when they do the Hall-of-Fame voting.
Jake Plummer: I need some comfort food.
Tiki Barber: Well that couldn't have gone any worse for me. Unless of course snakes rained from the sky and bit me. Then that might be considerably worse, but otherwise it's been a pretty terrible weekend for me.
Randy Moss: I should have stayed in Oakland and starred in that animated feature "Space Blitz" with Bugs Bunny and Blippo the amazing pot lighter. Oh, that was a hallucination, great, now I'm glad I came here.
Blink 182: We should get back together to do the half-time show.
The State of Montana: The NFL says that we are the 53 state in line for a team if they expand. Behind Hawaii, L.A., London and Guam.
February 2, 2008
They also would become the first NFL team to go 19-0.
But this Patriots team is no stranger to the big game, oh and no stranger to winning it either. It’s because of that that I dubbed them a few posts back The Evil Empire. Yes, many wondered what to call a dynasty that grew even more powerful, and Evil Empire is it.
As for the New York Giants, they are far from glamorous. Their last Super Bowl they lost to a Trent Dilfer led Baltimore Ravens. (Oh, and the Ravens cut Dilfer after the win and have sucked horribly bad since. Way to go guys)
Anyway, the Giants are still living in the glory of upsetting the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXV. That was a long time ago. Plus, this Giants team must now face the Empire that is the Patriots and for that reason they have become the Rebel Alliance.
But both sides need characters to fully complete the transition, so here is the list of players in the game.
Tom Brady – Evil Anakin Skywalker (pre Darth Vader)
I say pre Darth Vader because Darth Vader was such a badass, while everybody hated Anakin. Brady is too much of a pretty boy to ever be as cool as Vader.
Bill Belichick- The Sith Lord
This one is obvious. Not only were they both the leaders of the Empire, but they both wore the same torn up hoodie.
Wes Welker- Storm Trooper
Often overlooked, yet the Storm Troopers were the real heart of the Empire. Welker has proven that he is a great receiver, yet always takes a backseat to Moss.
Randy Moss- Count Dooku
The righthand man of the Emperor. Without the deep threat that Moss provides, would this team be the same? 23 touchdowns is definitely something. Dooku also chopped off good Anakin’s arm. As Moss will do to the DB that covers him.
Laurence Maroney- Darth Maul
Maul wasn’t in the story for very long but when he was, he ruled. Maroney is overlooked in the fact that Brady is on the team. But like Maul, Maroney knows how to kick some serious butt.
Tedy Bruschi- Boba Fett
The bounty hunter Fett and the head hunter Bruschi share a similar hobby. Ripping opposing characters apart.
Eli Manning- Luke Skywalker
For some reason Manning and Mark Hamill pose a striking resemblance. Plus, Eli is the prince of a very powerful family. But for the most part, I think he forgets.
Tom Coughlin- Yoda
Coughlin usually is seen with the same facial expression as Yoda. The main difference though is that Yoda is green and Tom was brilliant red color after the Green Bay game. Although, with the frostbite, he might still turn green.
Michael Strahan- Chewbacca
Chewy was the big fuzzy guy that you didn’t take serious until he was ripping you limb from limb. Same thing for Strahan. With that gap in his teeth you are laughing at him until he grabs you for a snack.
Osi Umenyiora- Hon Solo
The new leader of the defense. Solo was always overlooked for the star Skywalker, Umenyiora is often considered the number two on this defense after Strahan. But the fact of the matter is that Umenyiora is the new leader of this D and Strahan has become the sidekick.
Plaxico Burress- Obi-Wan Kenobi
With his performance during the playoffs, Burress has become a true master of the force. Now we’ll see just how powerful his use of it is, if he plays in the game tomorrow.
Brandon Jacobs- R2D2
Reliable, durable and always there when you need him. Jacobs and R2 are always in the scene, even if over shadowed by another. For R2D2 it was Hamill, for Jacobs it’s Manning.
Amani Toomer- The Ewoks
Toomer has been with the Giants since almost they were founded. Yet, he is still overlooked. As were the Ewoks. The Empire didn’t consider them real threat until the Ewoks whooped the Empire’s butt. Perhaps Toomer will do the same.
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow if Belichick has built this Empire better than the original contractors built the Death Star. Or will Manning finally be able to use the force and pull off the biggest upset of all time.
February 1, 2008
Let's have Congress spend it's time and resources trying to figure out whether or not the Patriots cheated.
Wait, didn't the NFL take care of this way back in Week 2? Is Congress now making the brave step of supposedly cleaning up the dirty sport of football?
What exactly are they trying to accomplish other than making headlines for themselves. Who wouldn't want to be the guy or gal that took down the Patriots?
Oh wait, just about every other team in the NFL tries to steal the signs of the other team on a regular basis. It's part of the game. Are you telling me that DBs and LBs aren't watching the coaches when they try to sign in an audible? Hell, Shannon Sharpe admitted that he was trying to do the same thing to defenses he lined up against when he played. And Shannon Sharpe is one real dude, how can you argue with a man who's got more Super Bowl rings than Peyton Manning.
Oh wait.. Well Peyton choked this year so I guess that statement doesn't really hold any validity.
While I agree with the fine and the lost of a draft pick, I don't see this as a tainted championship.
I see this as a team that is leaps and bounds better than the rest of the teams of the NFL.
However, it will probably take a committee in Congress to figure that one out.