March 31, 2008

A date with Sasquatch

Growing up in the Pacific Northwest I spent much of my free time camping in the foothills of Mount Rainier. There I saw everything from squirrels to yellow-bellied marmots. But never Sasquatch.

And I had plenty of opportunities to. Now I'm not saying whether Big Foot is real or not. I'm simply saying that I have never seen him.

Well, Gene R. Morrill of New Hampshire claims that he not only saw Sasquatch, but that Sasquatch molested him as a child.

Here's the full story.

Morrill is getting ready to serve a sentence for molestation charges himself. Despite this, some are believing his claims.

"I take him very seriously because I know Mr. Morill has issues," said Defense Attorney Terrence Patton.

But others, think the claim is just too far fetched.

"I've had a few that have claimed abuse, but never by a mythical creature," said Stafford County Detective Darryl Wells.

Residents of the town don’t seem to buy the man's claims either.

"What? Are you serious," said one resident.

"I just don’t believe it," said another resident.

We here at Just South of North know that molestation charges are NO laughing matter. However, molestation charges against Bigfoot are.

So now I am curious. If these claims against Bigfoot are true. Do you think I could get a lady Sasquatch to go on a date?

Maybe a nice larva and moss soup. With some fresh spring water to wash it down. We could take a walk in a heavily forested area. After that we would make a brief appearence in a meadow, so some backpackers would see us, and then vanish to our underground caves.

But what if there are only male Sasquatches?!?!

Great. So now when I go camping I not only have to worry about rain, but now waking up in the middle of the night to Sasquatch in my sleeping bag. Do you think he'll call me back?

Oh, and this video may be proof Bigfoot is real.

March 30, 2008

Epic Video of Greatness

Yes. This is perhaps the best song, from the best show ever.

March 29, 2008

E.T. go home

It finally sold. Yes, the much acclaimed UFO style home in Chattanooga, Tennessee finally sold. The sale price. $135,000. Sounds like a cheap deal for an alien space ship.

The house has a retractable staircase that lowers to the ground. A neighbor says that feature came in handy for one former owner who was having an argument with her husband. She pulled up the stairway, drove her husband's truck underneath it so he couldn't get the stairs down and left him stuck inside.

The house is 38-years-old and has three bedrooms. And is actually just one of 96 in the world. The architect of the design, Matti Suuronen, is from Finland.

Here is a site dedicated to "finding" each of these 96 Futuro Homes around the Galaxy. Or at least the world.

Conquering the feast

Ever since Subway launched it's ultimate sandwich, The Feast (which spits in the faces of Jared dieters everywhere), I've wanted to try... survive... a calorie and food intake that would kill a small elephant. Hence, on a lazy Saturday afternoon, fellow blogger Jake Rehm and I decided to head to the Cheney Subway and experience the magic that is The Feast.

Luckily, if Jake and I needed a tan or fulfil the urge to join the navy after eating The Feast, we'd be in the right spot. We hit the store around the afternoon rush, which constituted of roughly five people. You've got to love small towns.

Upon entering the Subway we got the first look at The Feast, or at least a life-size plastic mock-up of The Feast. It may not look like much in the photo, but it's actually quite intimidating. I screamed, a little, like a girl.

The staff at Subway was extremely nice, even though they were getting a digital camera shoved in their face. Here is The Feast under construction.

And the finished product, which is truly a sight to behold. Jake and I relished the fact that we were responsible for the death of five different types of animals on this day.

Got to stock up on liquids. This is going to be a project. Notice I dressed like I was homeless because it was indeed a lazy Saturday afternoon.

The main course.

Someone isn't actually holding up pants behind Jake there. That's actually a Jared sign, who is quite possibly the most hated man in America. Seriously, no one likes to hear how you lost weight. That goes double if you did it eating fast food. Go to hell, Jared.

This was my half of The Feast before I dove in. And the result...

Not bad. Very complex flavor, didn't have a bad aftertaste and definitely filling (something Subway Sandwiches tend to lack sometimes). I give The Feast an A. The best part about eating this big portion was that neither Jake nor I puked afterwards.

Had we eaten the BK Buster, that would have been a different story. Luckily, there's always next week to do that.

March in the Northwest

If there's a bright and warm center to the universe, the Pacific Northwest is farthest from it.

At least in March.

All spring break, there's been snow. Lots of snow.

Nearly every area of the Northwest reported huge snowfalls Friday night and Saturday morning, with outlying and mountain towns receiving well over a foot.

Mt. Spokane Ski Resort, who just announced that their season would be extended by 1 week, reported 16" of fresh snow overnight, with Schweitzer and Silver Mountain checking in at 15" and 6" respectively.

Road crews worked through the night, Friday, to try to keep the roads open, but blowing and drifting snow caused problems in some areas, including Highway 195 on the Palouse.

In North Idaho, a jack-knifed semi briefly closed the westbound lanes of I90 over the 4th of July Pass on Saturday morning, but State Police said that the bulk of the problems were closer to Coeur d'Alene.

The snow tapered off late Saturday morning for most of the area, but a heavy snow warning was in effect for the Central and Northern Idaho Panhandle through Saturday at 11pm.

You can read the full story here from KXLY. Before heading out into the megapolis of Cheney, Wash. last night for some burgers and beers, I thought I'd enjoy a brisk walk. However I was met with this...

We're a week into "Spring" by the way.

March 28, 2008

This is Sparta!

In Sparta they trained their young boys to fight. From a very early age, the boys were being tested and being primed for battle.

That was 1200 BC. Welcome to 2008. Where Sparta has been reborn.

Thanks to the sport Ultimate Fighting, children as young as 6-years-old are now able to participate.

Read the full article here.

Ultimate Fighting, has now moved from the pay-per-view audience to our own back yard. But this trend has many worried.

A number of medical experts have questioned what the effects of taking such a pounding will be on young, growing bodies.

But Tommy Bloomer, father of two fighters disagrees.

"We're not training them for dog fighting," said Bloomer, a 34-year-old construction contractor. "As a parent, I'd much rather have my kids here learning how to defend themselves and getting positive reinforcement than out on the streets."

And those in favor of the young fights said that it really is no different than youth wrestling.

Hmmm. Youth wrestling = pin the guy on the mat you win. Ultimate fighting = kick the crap out of the other guy you win.

Yeah, I'm just not seeing the similarity. But who am I to question this. I'm sure that kid can beat me up.

New blog for the weary of heart

Apparently, our directional blogging has caught on. Fellow Eastern Washington University student Jake Rehm has decided to start his own blog, Just Southeast of Northwest.

While I feel that this might just be so he can spread his college liberal hippie agenda to the world, the man is from Okanogan, and I'm more surprised than anything that people from Okanogan use the Internet.

What is Okanogan you ask? It's a town in North Central Washington.

As you can see it seems like a fairly innocent town of hippies, loggers, outdoorsmen, Jeff Corwin impersonators and John Kerry (back row, far left).

However, as nice as this recreational town of Okanogan seems, keep in mind that it's right next to the vilest of places in the state of Washington. Omak.

Why? You ask. Because it's ruled by a Walmart. You've been warned.

Now go check out Jake's blog.

It's looking like that journalism degree will pay off

It's nice to go into an industry that's losing millions of dollars every year. By the time I get a good job, journalists will probably printed papers on the back of napkins.

NEW YORK The newspaper industry has experienced the worst drop in advertising revenue in more than 50 years.

According to new data released by the Newspaper Association of America, total print advertising revenue in 2007 plunged 9.4% to $42 billion compared to 2006 -- the most severe percent decline since the association started measuring advertising expenditures in 1950.

The drop-off points to an economic slowdown on top of the secular challenges faced by the industry. The second worst decline in advertising revenue occurred in 2001 when it fell 9.0%.Total advertising revenue in 2007 -- including online revenue -- decreased 7.9% to $45.3 billion compared to the prior year.

You can read the full story here.

I hope Red Robin is hiring.

Jumping ship...

My distaste for the current Sonics ownership is much like my distaste for getting hit in the crotch with a golf club.

And after care consideration, I've decided to jump ship to the Portland Trailblazers. You can read my post on the Ghosts of Wayne Fontes here.

March 27, 2008

Stuck on the pot

Men can attest to doing some epic work in the b-room. But this is ridiculous...

Feb. 27, 2008 Kory McFarren called police saying there was something wrong with his girlfriend. Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple found Pam Babcock stuck in the bathroom. Literally. She had been on the toilet for approximately two years and her skin had grown around the toilet seat. Whipple said she didn't want to leave.

After finally convincing Pam Babcock she needed medical attention the toilet seat was removed from the toilet and it went with her to the hospital to be removed from her.There wasn't signs of physical abuse- she wasn't tied or glued to the toilet her body fat had just grown around it. McFarren said she just didn't want to come out of the bathroom. When he asked if she would come out of the bathroom she would say maybe tomorrow. He went on to say it just kind of happened, staying in the bathroom. She kept staying in there longer and longer and one day she didn't want to come out. He would bring her food and water and clothes. He admits he should have called for help sooner but after awhile he just got use to it.

You can read the full story here. If you want to. I wouldn't read much further into it.

Couple of questions come to mind. Why would you stick with someone who spent TWO YEARS on the john? What the heck did they do during the holidays?

Hopefully, they had two bathrooms.

Uh-oh, A-Rod

Did A-Rod use steroids? Here's a story from ESPN...

Alex Rodriguez for the second straight day refused to address allegations leveled by Jose Canseco, who claims in his forthcoming book he introduced the three-time MVP to a steroids supplier.

"It's over as far as I'm concerned," Rodriguez said Wednesday after his New York Yankees lost 4-0 to the Philadelphia Phillies. "No further comment on the matter. I'm just excited to be playing baseball."

Canseco discusses the accusations in his book in an exclusive interview with ABC's "Nightline" that will be broadcast Thursday night. Details from the book first came to light Tuesday on the Web site of freelance writer Joe Lavin, who said he obtained a copy.

In "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," scheduled for release Monday, Canseco claimed he introduced Rodriguez to a trainer/steroids dealer named Max after Rodriguez approached him "in the latter half of the 1990s" and asked where "one" might acquire steroids.

I hate to point fingers, but ouch. The very least A-rod could have done was run Canseco's name through the mud. It's not like it hasn't been done before, and people might actually like him after it. Now, there's a lot of doubt by him saying "No comment."

Now it seems like A-rod didn't want to say anything about it because he didn't want to admit to anything but it more evidence comes up in the future, he doesn't want to be called a liar.

I can't wait until they bust Bud Selig for HGH.

My Northwest Spring Break Adventure

It's been three days into this spring break adventure of mine, and it's already been more than eventful enough. But first, you guys must meet my trusty traveling companions.

James T. Caddey "Hollywood" as I like to call him, you might have seen his blog, The Collegiate Handyman.

Anna Arleen Koenig, or better known as Whaleus maximus. She doesn't have an Internet blog because she uses a Macintosh.

I've been lucky enough to tag along with these two, eating their snack food that they packed and generally sleeping in the back seat of Anna's car. Also can't forget the all important:

Katie Scalibrine Koenig, sister of the Wahleus Maximus and purchaser of our hotel room when we stayed in Portland.

The first day consisted of Anna, James and I roadtripping it from Cheney, Wash. to Portland. Along the way we got to see such Washington tourist traps like Ritzville, Tri-Cities and The Dalles.

Anyone from the Northwest knows what kind of money these places bring in based on their attractiveness and foreigners wanting to get their photos in from of the "Welcome to the 250th largest metropolitan area in the United States" sign.

Also a word of warning for you that decided to vacation in Oregon. People are required by law to pump your gas here. So when they approach your vehicle, avoid spraying them with a can of raid and drop kicking them in the sweet spot. They're just trying to fill up your tank.

Also Oregon tends to turn a bunch of people into wine snobs, I was no exception as I got five free samples of some fine Oregon wine at a local vineyard just outside of Portland. It also gave me an excuse to drink at two in the afternoon.

Just before we got into Portland we passed by Multnomah Falls (pictured above), to which the whale commented as "not being that big of deal"

However after further research (wikipedia) I discovered that Multnomah Falls is the second tallest year-round waterfall in the United States after Yosemite Falls.

The third being David Hasselhof's drool when he's drunk.

Once we were settled in at our hotel, where Katie had met us from driving down from Bellingham, we met up with her friend Brittney and decided that 5:30 p.m. was an excellent time to start drinking (again).

First was Rogue (makers of Dead Guy Ale) Public House, which is local Oregon brewer. We chowed down dinner there and had some fancy beers (Or as I like to say "burs") and also went to the Bridgeport Brewery for some more fancy "burs" all in downtown Portland.

Feeling subsequently nice, we then were dropped off by Brittney at the Cellar bar which was an underground Mecca for Guinness-like beer, stories about high school athletics (?!?!?!) and good directions for more bars.

Our next bar, Ground Kontrol was heaven on earth for emo kids. It had essentially every classic arcade game you could think of, nintendos, ataris and playstations for sale. Games too. A nicely stocked bar with goodies. And techno music.

Not sure if enjoyed the techno music, but I did like to judge which emo kid were wearing girls pants and which weren't.

After this we snuck down into some wonderfully seedy bar called the Shanghi Tunnel where we ate fries with chopsticks.

And then, the Jupiter Bar.

Three mixed drinks later it was time to go home. Final count: 2 breweries, 4 bars and one vineyard. Hell of a night.

The next day can be completely written off as mentioned in the earlier blog, except for the Trailblazers game...

Portland sure does support their team, as their state-of-the-art arena of over 20,000 seats was nearly sold out on a Tuesday. Looks like when the Sonics move to Oklahoma, I'll have to jump ship here. Or maybe I already have.

March 26, 2008

The Oregon Trail

I'll have further details tomorrow when I find a coffee shop and a wonderful bagel. But I would just like to say this.

Portland kicked my ass.

After hitting the bars (and I do mean bars, numerous, more bars than Bill Clinton mistresses) on Monday night, I awoke on Tuesday to find that my body had apparently decided to act like it was going through its final death spasms.

I barely was able to get it together to make it to the Portland Trailblazers game on Tuesday night, which was almost sold out and the usher found three empty alcohol fifths in the row in front of us. Good times.

And then after the game while walking back to our hotel (We were like three blocks from the Rose Garden), I watched this girl smack here head against a transfer box on a stoplight post because she wasn't looking where she was going.

Boy do I love this city.

March 25, 2008

Poor Bears

I just got back from calling a Cornhusker baseball game for KRNU, and what a game it was. The Bears of Northern Colorado came into Lincoln for a real thumping. 10-0.

From the start the Huskers took off, even scoring 6 runs in the 3rd inning. I had never called baseball before, but thought it went really well. Luckily the guy I was working with was a veteran so that made it easier.

I'll be calling the game tomorrow, as the Bears try to avenge that lost to the #18 ranked Huskers. Game starts at 1:35 PM CST. And can be heard on 90.3 KRNU and

The Husker games are played at a beautiful stadium, Haymarket Park. Just outside of downtown Lincoln. It was a beautiful evening, started out in the mid 60's and then dropped to around 40. So a bit chilly at the end.

So if you get the chance, tune in tomorrow and let me know what you think.

March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

We here at Just South of North hope that you and your families had a great Easter. Here are some high points from mine.

Butterfinger Cream Eggs are amazing- Cadburry eggs don't even compare.

No matter how old I get, I will love waking up, to run to the living room, to see what the Easter Bunny left me. I love candy, and I'm pretty sure most people do too.

No matter how old I get, I still will never be sure what this holiday has to do with a giant bunny that brings candy.

And lastly, clean sheets are amazing.

Oh, and this video.

March 22, 2008

From Gonzaga with Love

Apparently I'm bad luck.

Two days after Clancy Bundy and I graced the GU campus with our "Eagle Pride" (Go EWU! Even though we didn't make the tournament), the Zags found themselves on the wrong end of an upset. Whoops.

If you can see the signs, they read "Honk if you're an Eagle Fan" and "God Loves the EWU Eagles even if they didn't make the tournament."

God loves the zags too, even if they choked.

And if you haven't been following FishBear Sports March Madness Leaderboard, Just South of North Guru Casey Knopik is in the lead with 14 of 16 games predicted correctly. Way to go Case!

March 21, 2008

I believe that school is just South of North

OK. OK. I'll admit it. I've been watching basketball every chance I get. But perhaps the best thing about the tournament has been the radio commercials.

There is one, that makes fun sports fans who jump on a bandwagon and have no idea where there school is located.

Such schools include: Gonzaga, Drake, Marquette, Xavier, American, etc.

I had my own run in with such a bandwagon fan the other day. He was walking around the UNL campus sporting his Gonzaga hat. I asked him why the Gonzaga hat? (Cause in this state if your hat isn't red and doesn't sport a white "N" on it, you are a minority)

He said he was a big Gonzaga fan. So I (being the smartass I am) followed up with, "Do you know where Gonzaga is?"

The kid looked at me as if I had just asked him where his nose was on his face. "It's in Northern California." He snapped back.

"Wrong," I say. "Spokane, Washington."

And to that, he came back with perhaps the most overused comeback of all time, "Yeah, well your mom knows where that is."

Worst. Comeback. EVER.

So before you pick the team you're going to root for during all of March Madness, at least make sure you know where they are located.

On a side note, I did not know that Portland State University is the largest, public university in Oregon until yesterday.

March 20, 2008

God, I love March Madness

I'm headed to Yakima very soon to go watch the Spokane Shock play an exhibition game against the Tri-City Fever at the SunDome. While I'd love just to sit and watch NCAA games all day, people are buying me wine down in Yakima. I can't turn that down.

However, check out Fish Bear Sports running diary. That Joel Willits is a funny bastard.

And I'll try to drop in on his comment board and insult his mother every I get wireless on my laptop.

Which in Yakima, could be very iffy.

March 19, 2008

Epic Video of Greatness #15

Normally I avoid Ben Stiller movies like Green Bay Packer fans but this might be a funny ride...

And Robert Downey Jr. is quickly becoming my favorite actor. He was perfectly casted in the upcoming Iron Man movie and will add a different layer that other superhero movies don't have (an interesting main character). His work in Zodiac was hilarious and riveting (it takes a special kind of actor to be able to pretend to do lines of coke and deliver a conversational scene at the same time) and if you want to see Downey Jr.'s best movie (in my opinion), rent Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. It's a riot. And it has Val Kilmer in it.

March 18, 2008

We've all got AIDS

This comes from College Humor.

My Freshman year I pledged a fraternity with my best friend. One night we got drunk, used this text-to-voice program to call one of the actives that we didn't like, and left the following voicemail:Dear (your name) one or more of your sexual partners has HIV/AIDS. Please call (a number for a health clinic in town) to schedule testing.We figured the guy would realize it was all joke so we didn't bother telling him it was actually us that had called. Yeah, not so much. The guy spent the next 6 months convinced he had AIDS; his girlfriend left him once she found out, his parents were attending AIDS support groups with him, and to make matters worse the girl he had thought he got the virus from had sex with most of our fraternity, so EVERYONE had to get tested.After we were initiated we told the chapter what we had done, he threatened to sue me but nothing ever came of it. Long story short: Best. Phone call. Ever!

T.J., Centenary College of LA

... why am I laughing? I'm going to hell.

George Lucas is Drunk...

How the hell does this guy take our money?

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: You explained a little bit in your ShoWest presentation about why you decided to come back and make this film. Do you feel like there's even more to tell in the Star Wars universe?

GEORGE LUCAS: Yeah, you know, I sat down and said, ''Okay, the Luke Skywalker story'' — or the Anakin Skywalker story, actually — ''is done.'' But whenever you create a universe, there's just vast areas you've never touched, and part of that was this. Which is to say, ''Well, gee, I did the movies about everything but the Clone Wars, so wouldn't it be fun to do a TV series that is nothing but the Clone Wars, and we could just have all the adventures?'' And that, with: ''Gee, it would be fun to go back to animation.'' And: ''Gee, it would be fun to do a sort of 3-D animé film, which people haven't done — it would be an interesting experiment, and we should have a good time.''

Is Star Wars: The Clone Wars going to be shown in 3-D?No, no, it's not 3-D, it's basically CG — I've gotta stop using ''3-D''...

Right, they're not interchangeable.It used to be that 3-D was considered CG, and then 3-D actually came to be, so now we have to change [what we say]. [Laughs]

I'm glad that the most influential movie series of all times came about with George Lucas in the bathroom going "Gee, how cool would it be if I put Jar Jar Binks in my movie, gave him a Jamaican accent and then... whoah... had way too much Taco Bell today."

And all your new movies are made entirely out of CG, how can you mix it up with 3D.

You've talked a lot about 3-D, so why didn't you do this project in 3-D?

Well, you know, it's expensive. And we felt that everybody kind of looks at the downside: It would cost twice as much to do it in 3-D as it did to do the movie in the first place. So you say, ''Well, gosh, do you think we're going to get that much more out of it? And is it going to be worth it? And we can always do it later if we really want to.'' So that was really the logic behind it. You know, [the Clone Wars movie] was almost an afterthought — we were doing the TV series and looked at some of the episodes on the big screen and said, ''This is so beautiful, why don't we just go and use the crew and make a feature?'' So we did.

That's B.S. for 3-D glasses are the stupidest things you can force on people since the Segway.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: How does it dovetail with the live-action TV series that you've announced?

GEORGE LUCAS: I'm just starting to work on the scripts now for the live-action TV series. We finished the first year of Clone Wars, [and] we're in the middle of working on the second year. I'm finishing the scripts for the third year. And now I'm working on the scripts for the first year of the live-action show. [Smiles] So it's a lot of scripts.

Where is the live-action one going to fit into the overall Star Wars narrative?

It's completely separate. This one has all of the characters that everybody knows — everybody from Yoda to Anakin to Mace Windu to Obi-Wan — everybody's there. The live-action has nobody there, because it's after Episode III, so everybody's dead, basically, or hiding somewhere. You hear about the Emperor, just like you do in Episode IV, but it's mostly about a whole different world. I mean, there are a million stories in the big city — you've only seen one of them. [Laughs]

Is anyone getting the "this TV series is going to be really crappy" vibe?

Planet Hoth 90210

Are you going to do another Indiana Jones movie after this one?

That I don't know. We do these one at a time and we do them purely for the fun of it, which means that if we've got too many other things going on — Steve [Spielberg]'s got a couple more movies, he's got Chicago Seven, he's got all this stuff backed up for years — who knows? At least I'm at a point now where I can just enjoy myself and be creative and not have to worry about people getting crazy or trying to make decisions around me or anything. And I'm to a point now where if it isn't successful, it's not the end of the world. It's always a disappointment when it doesn't turn out, but sometimes you know it's not going to turn out. I've [also]] seen other people's movies that I had really high hopes for — I said, ''Oh, this is going to be great'' — and I'd see it and it is great, but it falls flat and nobody goes to see it. You know, I loved Across the Universe, it's a brilliant film. I wish I had made it — I don't think I'm talented enough to do that. But at the same time, it just [motions like it blew away] pffffff. It's too bad. That's the saddest part right there: Something that you think is really good and should work and people should enjoy it, and they don't.

But you're confident that Indiana Jones will work?

Yeah, well, this one, we know that for the fans it won't be the movie that they have been making in their minds for the last 19 years, so they all get bent out of shape. A lot of the critics forget that they didn't like the first three, and so they get off on this one, too — or it's not the Second Coming. And, yeah, we didn't make it bigger and better, we made it exactly the same. So if you loved the other ones, you'll love this one. But if you expect to have F-14s flying under freeways — that isn't there. It's just another period adventure movie with this wacky archaeologist. It's funny. I think it's funnier than the other ones, and it's exciting. So it's got all the stuff that all the other ones have. And Harrison's great in it.

I'm glad they didn't try and reinvent the wheel. I have a feeling that every Indiana Jones Movie ends up like this.

George: Okay, I know how we can end the final Nazi Battle... flying goats. Am I right? Brilliant eh Steve-o?

Steve: God, you're a moron.

George: I need a hug.

Lets just cross our fingers this fourth Indiana Jones movie doesn't try to emulate National Treasure.

March 13, 2008

Epic Video of Greatness 15

Yes. This will be the greatest Wii game ever. Racing your friends, no matter where you live.

March 11, 2008

Montana or just Hannah

This past weekend I spent my time in a town called Billings, Montana. No, I wasn't there for fun, I was there for work. Haha. Fun, in Montana? Yeah, you are funny.

Anyway, while traveling for what seemed about 400 hours through the state, I realized there are some things people may not know about the Montana.

10. The state is huge. Much too large to be one state. I am thinking East Montana, and West Montana. Wait, scrap that.

Then there would be two Montanas and that is just too much to deal with.

9. If you ever get the chance to go down highway 212, take it. Endless conversation starters.

8. The roads in Montana aren't covered with gravel when it gets icy. And nope, not salt. In Montana they use small boulders. No joke. It's like driving on a back country road. Only it was I-90.

7. Despite being lame, South Dakota actually makes it look cool. Kinda like the how having a dopey little brother works for your advantage.

6. The Midwest isn't called the "fly over" states for nothing.

5. The movie, "Dances With Wolves" was filmed in South Dakota. I know that has nothing to do with Montana, but I saw it on a billboard while driving.

4. I also saw a duck.

3. Hannah Montana made that state cool. Until then, school children thought it was a providence of Canada.

2. We should sell it to Canada. Oh, and South Dakota too. Throw in Wyoming and make it a buy 2 get 1 free sale.

1. There is a reason Lewis and Clark kept going. And didn't just call it a trip in Montana.

March 10, 2008

Unfortunate athletic events in the life of Brandon Hansen

I've had a terrible life as a human being. Along with the lists of most worthless people, I have a spot carved out for me between Mike Brown of FEMA and NBA player Brian Scalabrini.

If one were to write a book about athletic failures of the fullest degree, it would actually just be a chronicle of my life. Lets go down the list...

Seven years old -- Manage to give up the only home run ever hit in T-ball history when manning the mound for the Hansen Logging mites.

Get a custom-made Chicago Cubs hat with my name on the side. For the next 16 years I never get the thing dirty.

Eight years old -- Move to coach-pitch little league, my batting average immediately plummets below the winning percentage of the Washington Generals.

I quickly become a San Francisco Giants fans because they employ strangely skinny guys with funny moustaches, a physique I hope to someday repeat. However once I reach manhood I realize that those skinny guys with funny moustaches have grown their head to the size of rhino and they shaved the facial hair.

10 years old -- Pitching machine league. Guess who mans the pitching machine?

12 years old -- Player pitch. Guess who moves from the mound to the outfield?

(7th Grade Football) Coach doesn't give me shoulder pads, says that I wont "need them."
He does however, give me a plastic tub of Gatorade and tells me to haul it to the team bus.

7th Grade Football Stats -- one fumble recovery, during the all important "fifth quarter" of the game.

14 years old -- Get paired with the kid that catches a baseball with his chest (and cant afford a glove) during high school baseball tryouts. Needless to say, I wasn't on the squad.

Funny thing, during the tryouts they never let me bat.

15 years old -- Finish my year on JV football with this stateline --140 pounds of weight, 8 games, 1 sack and one four-minute celebration.

(Two encroachment penalties as well)

15 years old (B) -- Max out on my possible bench press amount: part of the set for a high school play that I was doing.

Play stats -- Lenny from Of Mice and Men, some dude in Godspell and numerous one-act plays.

17 years old -- Win my only race in track and field ever. Then I realize my coach signed me up for the Special Olympics.

18 years old -- My snowboarding experience scares small children as they see a large snow ball roll by on the slopes.

20 years old -- A brief stint in college basketball intramurals leads to me earning a reputation of a "hard fouler of girls" among the upper divisions of competition.

22 years old -- I now get winded walking up a small hill with slight grade.

... and I think I just had a small heart attack writing this blog.

March 4, 2008

Epic Video of Greatness #14

I had come to accept that the Seattle SuperSonics were moving to Oklahoma City and have grown emotionally numb to it. Then I watched this video and my hate towards their new ownership has been completely reborn.

March 3, 2008

The San Francisco Treat

Founded in 1776 by the Spanish, San Francisco got the second biggest shock in it's history when I came to town last weekend. It's first "big shock" came when I visited the town two years ago. While a talented writer would come up with some clever blog about how great the place is, all I can really do is show you my pictures from the trip.

So this first photo wasn't taken in San Fran, but I wanted to show you all what it's like to fly in Washington State. You fly by mountains. Big ones. Have you ever heard of planes flying into mountains.

That is why I'm terrified of flying.

He's posing for the camera.

This was my breakfast one morning while on the trip. Still wondering why I have health problems at age 22, am chubbier than Matthew Perry in the late 90s, and have back fat?

Yep didn't think so.

I can't tell you how many times I made a "The Rock" quote while taking photos of the Alcatraz. Somebody said I sounded like Darth Vader, which really wasn't the effect I was going for.

Also if you're with three other girls, don't drop the "Losers always whine about their best, Winners go home and f*** the prom queen"

It probably won't go over so well.

Here's the view from the floor in my hotel. A pretty fantastic view if you ask me, and well above street level where the pan handler's brigade was waiting with arms wide open.

At least it wasn't the Travelocity Gnome...

Here are some scenic shots of the city.

What's a San Fran photo essay without a street car?

My friends are hippies.

March 1, 2008

Bye Bye Brown

Josh Brown, perhaps one of the best kickers the Seattle Seahawks have had, has signed with the St. Louis Rams. Yeah, he left the team that made him who he was for another team. A team that is horrible. I hope, as a broadcaster, that Brown does good. But as a Seahawks fan, I hope that he breaks his leg. Oops, did I say that? Well, lets just look at the facts.

Brown made more than his share of tackles during this season. And the Hawks special teams was WAY better than the Rams. Brown doesn't remember when the Seahawks lived in the cellar. Now, with the Rams, he will be able to see how that feels. Hope it's cold down there Joshy. Real cold.

As cold as the shoulders of the Hawks fans when the Rams come to the Northwest. Yeah, thanks for the memories Josh. Now I hope your memories are of looking up at the Hawks, Cardinals, and yes, even the 49ers. Welcome to St. Louis. Welcome to the cellar.