March 29, 2013

Seattle Seahawks and Sounders license plates

We've all seen those personalized plates driving around, Mariners, UW, WSU, heck even EWU is in on the action! But what if you could get a Sounders FC or a Seahawks license plate? Well that may be happening soon.

(Until these are made you can rock this Seattle Seahawks Chrome License Plate Frame)

The Washington state Legislature is considering a bill that would create Seattle Seahawks and Seattle Sounders FC license plates.

According to King 5:
SB 5152
also allows pro sports franchises in the state to sponsor a special license plate if the funds are used in conjunction with a nonprofit organization.Some proceeds from the Sounders plates will go to the Association of Washington Generals to develop educational, veterans, international relations, and civic Projects. Some of the money will also support a nonprofit to increase the number of young mentors in Washington.

Funds from the Seahawks plates would benefit the nonprofit InvestED to encourage secondary students who have economic needs to stay in school or return to school.

The plates would cost you $40 to get and then cost $30 at the yearly renewal. If the bill passes, the plates would become available January 1.

I'd think about getting them. I know Brandon won't though. Mainly because his current plates read "GINGER1".

March 27, 2013

Lincoln is the place to live

Move... middle... young man, apparently Lincoln, Nebraska is the city with the highest well-being index in America. According to Gallup poll, which factors in life evaluation, emotional health, physical health, healthy behaviors, work environment, and access to basic necessities, you'd better become a Cornhusker fan.

Now Nebraska has never struck me as a destination, and I think Casey would agree with me. Looking at photos of downtown Lincoln, it looks like a wonderful Spokane clone (and slightly bigger, so maybe Spokane is a Lincoln-clone) and its next to... absolutely nothing! (It is the great plains, after all.)

Here are the highest well-being cities in America... 
Lincoln, NE | 72.8
Boulder, CO | 72.7
Burlington-South Burlington, VT | 72.4
Provo-Orem, UT | 71.7
Fort Collins-Loveland, CO | 71.6
Barnstable Town, MA | 71.5
Honolulu, HI | 71.5
Ann Arbor, MI | 71.4
Washington-Arlington-Alexandria, DC-VA-MD | 71.3
San Luis Obispo-Paso Robles, CA | 71.2

Notice that no city from Washington made the list, but that's alright, we're full of angst and make a lot of alternative rock music.

(Get Your Cornhuskers Beer Glasses For "Well-Being" Here.)

March 26, 2013

Rent Fredy Montero’s Condo

This is a huge opportunity for a Seattle Sounders FC fan! You have the chance to rent Seattle Sounder’s star forward Fredy Montero's Bellevue, WA condo!

(Buy your Seattle Sounders jersey here)

Montero is currently on loan to the Columbian Millonarios FC according to Urban Condo Spaces bought the unit for $414,000 back in December of 2011.

The asking price is $2,200 per month for 885 square feet.

Now since Brandon and I are bloggers, the rent is more than we make per month.....combined. So we won't be able to make a move on it. I wonder if Terrell Owens bought a place while in Seattle?

March 25, 2013

Groundhog getting sued

Punxsutawney Phil makes he prediction everyday for the weird American Holiday "Groundhog Day." However he was a bit wrong this year and failed to predict a massive snowstorm that crippled the region. Naturally some people aren't happy about his failed forecast.

Phil did not see his shadow February 2, signaling spring's imminent arrival. Six days later, Winter Storm Nemo dumped 30 inches of snow on New England.

 Six weeks later, temperatures across the Northern U.S. remain frigid. Birds chirping? Flowers blooming? No sign of those anywhere. As a result, (hopefully) tongue-in-cheek Butler County, Oh., prosecutors are demanding justice, claiming Phil deliberately misled the American people. 

They say such a felony should be punished by death. Butler County's chief prosecutor filed an official brief about this, lambasting the rodent for actions "against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio." 

"Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early," wrote Mike Gmoser.

I wonder if the Easter Bunny is liable is somebody gets sick from eating all their candy?

(To get the Bill Murray Classic, click here.)

Meme Mondays: Coffee Meme

March 23, 2013

JustSON at the Movies: Olympus Has Fallen

I'm all for the popcorn action flick that requires you to suspend reality to enjoy the movie, but when it completely disregards the intelligence of the audience, it's lost me. That, in a nutshell, is Olympus Has Fallen. The latest movie by Training Day's Antoine Fuqua is a violent, ham-fisted mess that uses every Die Hard cliche in the book and plays on America's xenophobic fears.

The North Koreans' ... fresh off taking over Spokane in "Red Dawn... assault on the White House is what should have been the centerpiece of this flick. I can believe the White House would get assaulted by a foreign nation - we're still stinging from 9/11 - but this movie sets its tone very early by assuming that American security is about as lax and incompetent as Mark Sanchez playing quarterback for the New York Jets.

In this post 9/11 era where I have to get a cavity search if somebody finds a ball-point pen in my pocket, seeing an unidentified plane fly over Washington DC and take out the Washington Monument ... it's not just unbelievable, it completely insulting. The plane finds a way to take out two F-22s who decided to responded a few blocks from the White House with ... Gatling guns (which apparently are more accurate than seeker missiles when taking out every secret service agent around the White House) ... and then the US just sends one more jet fighter after that. I guess they were making cutbacks in the Air Force in this movie's universe?

(In reality the plane would have shot down over Maryland)

When a busload of tourists turn out to be North Korean commandos stormed the White House, we get the "Air Force One" inspired shoot out where the secret service agents are forced to fight automatic-armed baddies. Unlike Air Force One where it was a plane where nobody should have had automatic weapons in the first place, the people guarding the White House have apparently never seen such armament and just keep storming out in the open and into a spray of bullets.

Gerald Butler does a serviceable job as the former secret service agent for the President (Who eventually gets captured in the White House's secret bunker because of an inside job) who comes back to save the day. Morgan Freeman is vintage Freeman as the Speaker of the House, while Commander-in-Chief Aaron Eckhart always radiates on screen no matter what he does. But it doesn't make up for a script that pays no attention to things like logic and making the least bit of sense.

Without spoiling too much we're supposed to believe that...
(1) The US would rather see North Korea invade South Korea and a Nuclear Holocaust than having their president die. I know it's cold-hearted but logically the US would not want to kill millions for the benefit of one. Simply put.

(2) Once the White House was taken, the Army wouldn't take it back. Suffering from the same problem that "The Dark Knight Rises" has, the US just wouldn't back away and let the terrorists have their way without a fight?

(3) It takes 15 minutes for any Army personnel to respond to something at the White House, even though its technically the most protected building on the planet? I joked during the movie that they must have stopped for Starbucks on the way to the White House.

(4) Pulling the Seventh Fleet and tens of thousands of US soldiers from Korea would take just a few minutes.

There's several other logical fallacies in this movie, that if explained or at least acknowledged by the filmmakers, it would have been much more enjoyable. We are left with, however, is the most powerful nation on Earth being portrayed as stupid and Gerald Butler being our only salvation.

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

(Just buy Air Force One, it's way better.)

Epic Photo of Greatness: Harvard's Band

Harvard's band during what you could consider the best upset of the NCAA Tournament. No. 14 Harvard downed No. 3 New Mexico 68-62 on Thursday and these guy were thrilled.

March 21, 2013

Our picks for March Madness

Here are Casey and I's picks for the NCAA Tournament and as you can tell they're legit because I posted them at 1:22 a.m. Pacific Time. That's well before any of the games got started so no tricks or mirrors!!!

Here is Casey's Bracket...

And here is my bracket...

I will keep everyone posted as to how each of us does. Keep in mind though, we picked two of the same teams in the Final Four without copying one another (also, I can't spell Miami). Hence it seems our fates will be tied very closely to how those two teams do.

March 20, 2013

Epic Photos of Greatness: Rattlesnake Ledge Trail

Here are some photos from Casey and I's hike on Rattlesnake Ledge Trail near North Bend, WA. You can also see a video of the hike we took here.

They aren't rooting for Montana in Montana

Deadspin did a map county-by-county of who is rooting for who in the NCAA Tournament via Facebook. As you can see there are a lot of homers and raging front-runners in this country. The first thing I looked at was how Gonzaga did and as you can see they had a clean sweep of the state of Washington and did a number on Oregon and Idaho.

Also have you noticed how many people are UNC fans in this country? I thought Duke fans were all over but apparently I was wrong. Look at UNC... they're in the entire south and northeast, the midwest and parts of California, Utah, Oregon and Nevada, Alaska and Hawaii. Wow.

And last... look at Montana. The Griz are a 13 seed in the tournament and you'd think the state would be whipped up in a frenzy. Instead there are a whopping two counties in the entire state that are rooting for Montana. One is Missoula county the other is some eastern part of the state, I actually think that might be where Bozeman is located. The rest is UNC, Gonzaga, Syracuse (??? the team the Griz will be playing) and then a few counties where I'm assuming Facebook doesn't exist.

What's the deal Montana, shouldn't you have better fans?

(Get your Griz gear here.)

March 19, 2013

YouTube Tuesdays: Pale Blue Dot

Carl Sagan was pretty much a genius and this monologue pretty much says it all...

Captain Picard is marrying a 35-year old

You all know Patrick Stewart from Star Trek: The Next Generation and the X-men movies. I've theorized that he's never had hair (and actually he went bald as a teenager) but he's become one of the most recognizable actors around.

And now he's getting married - for the third time - to 35-year-old jazz singer Sunny Ozell. Stewart is 72. In other words, he's living the dream.

And here's the other kicker, Magneto will be performing the ceremony.

Ian McKellen, known for his role as Magneto in the "X-Men" films, will preside over the nuptials of Patrick Stewart, a.k.a Professor X in the mutant superhero franchise. 

Stewart, 72, also a television icon for his portrayal of Captain Jean Luc Picard in "Star Trek: The Next Generation," is set to get hitched to Sunny Ozell, 35, a jazz singer he has been romantically involved with since 2009.

Further proof that Patrick is indeed a badass.

(Get your Captain Jean Luc Picard action figure here.)

March 18, 2013

Montana dancing again

Much to the chagrin of the rest of the Big Sky and Bozeman, MT ... the Grizzlies are once again dancing in the NCAA Tournament. After winning the conference tournament by downing Weber State 67-64 in the championship game.

The Grizzlies got a 13 seed from the NCAA Selection Committee and they'll face off against No. 4 seed of Syracuse. The Orange are ranked 19th in the nation after falling to No. 4 ranked Louisville in the Big East Championship Game.

This is Montana's third NCAA Tournament appearance in four years (Way to give them a challenge, Big Sky) and you might remember that in 2006 they upset Nevada in the Big Dance, 87-79.

That being said, you might remember the Big East being absolutely ridiculous this year. I mean, I know the conference is dissolving with their football/basketball schools, but that didn't stop them from getting 8 teams invited to the tournament. Syracuse reached the championship game in the Big East Tournament before losing to an NCAA No. 1 seed, and have six wins over ranked opponents.

The Griz obviously play in the Big Sky which neither have ranked opponents nor NCAA No. 1 seeds. While I'm sure Montana can play one another, I'm not exactly sure you want to take the Grizzlies for the upset special. You just can't beat Syracuse's NCAA Tournament pedigree.

(To get on the Griz bandwagon, click here.)

Meme Mondays: Grumpy Twilight Kitty

I'm sure people in Forks feel this way...

Gonzaga Basketball: Sizing up Southern

The best time of the year for sports is about to begin as the NCAA Tournament is officially here. Since Pac-12 basketball is a steaming pile of suck, and Eastern Washington University had a down year (their 10th straight down year), the only "dog" in the race that the state of Washington has is the No. 1-ranked Gonzaga Bulldogs.

For the first time in school history, which you know began in 1999, the Zags earned a No. 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament and will be facing No. 16-seed Southern University. Now if you said you've heard of this team before, you're lying, but Gonzaga should be able to get business done against this squad. Hailing from the Southwestern Conference with a 23-9 record, the Jaguars have won 22 of their last 25 games after starting the season 1-5. However...

- They rank statistically 162nd for points scored (67.7), 148th rebounds (35.2), 270th in assists (11.4) and 172nd in field goal percentage (.434). Gonzaga is ranked 12th in scoring (77.6), 54th in rebounding (37.3), 28th in assists (15.2) and third in field goal percentage (.504).

- Southern had an RPI of 182 and have a 1-7 all-time record in the NCAA Tournament. Only two other teams in their conference finished with a record over .500.

- Derick Beltran is the top scorer for the Jags with 15.9 points per game, then there's Malcom Miller with 15.8 points per game. Notice though that assists and field goal percentage aren't specialties for Southern.

The Zags, on the other hand, are No. 1 in the country for a reason. Southern has shown a knack for not being able to score... and you can't do that against the Zags - plain and simple.

(To get your Gonzaga gear, click here.)

March 15, 2013

And just like that the Huskies season is over

After the Huskies knocked the Cougars out of the Pac-12 Tournament, they promptly lost their next-round matchup against Oregon. Other than a meaningless appearance in the NIT Tournament, their season is now pretty much over.

UW had a chance to win it in regulation, but blew it, falling to the No. 3 seeded Ducks 80-77 in overtime.

The Huskies led 58-52 with 6:24 left, but they never really had control of the game, which included seven lead changes and 14 ties.

With the score knotted at 64-64 on the final possession in regulation, C.J. Wilcox had the ball in his hands with a chance at a game-winner.

He never got off a shot because Oregon guard Johnathan Loyd poked the ball away and time ran out.

Ah, keep on trucking Huskies.

(Since all the UW fans need a bandwagon to jump onto, get some Ducks gear here.)

March 14, 2013

Your Seattle Sports Roundup

There's so much that has happened in the Seattle Sports scene in the past few days, I'd be writing like a bunch of different posts that would be just way to time-consuming. So for your own enjoyment, here are the biggest things to happen in or around the Emerald City lately.

1. UW ousts WSU from the Pac-12 Tournament - Still probably won't make the NCAA Tournament themselves. Save for Gonzaga, this college basketball season has been a whole lot of blah. Cue the Huskies fans saying they deserve to be in the field of 68...

2. Sounders are first MLS team to beat a Mexican team in CONCACAF quarterfinals - Seattle could also become the first MLS team to win the CONCACAF Champions Cup if they keep doing what they're doing. Now if this could just translate to success in the MLS postseason.

3. Seahawks sign Percy Harvin, suddenly become the free agent darlings of the league - Because you know it always works when you get a bunch of free agents. Ask the Philadelphia Eagles how that worked out for them when they claimed they had the "Dream Team."

The Sonics have also opened up a season ticket waiting list, even though it isn't even official if the Kings are moving here. But if you really have a hankering for some Sonics stuff, get some gear here.

March 13, 2013

Timbers vs Sounders TIFO

The supporters tifo is a great part of attending any soccer match. Seeing what the rival groups do is always a lot of fun.

And no group does it better than the Timbers Army of the Portland Timbers and the Emerald City Supporters of the Seattle Sounders FC.

This Saturday's Cascadia Cup rivalry match between Portland and Seattle should bring some great tifo. takes a look at some of the past iterations of Portland and Seattle supporter-created tifo.

(Buy your Portland Timbers gear here to support the Rose City. RCTID!)

(Buy your Seattle Sounders FC gear here to support the Emerald City. Scarves up!)

Portland Timbers
Seattle Sounders FC?

White Smoke

In honor of the pope being selecting, here's a pope-themed meme...

March 12, 2013

Seal Pup Slip n' Slide

I think we've all had days like this....

These seal pups were filmed at 3 Tree Point on Puget Sound, Washington.

(Here's a book on Kayaking Puget Sound & the San Juan Islands)

YouTube Tuesdays: The Inventor of Pong

Here's a video about the inventor of Pong...

(Here's a book on the history of video games.)

Gonzaga Basketball: Zag Shop (Thrift Shop Parody)

Two things have been taking the US by storm lately, Gonzaga basketball and the song Thrift Shop. Well it was only a matter of time until someone would combine them!

(Click here to get on the Gonzaga bandwagon now)

March 11, 2013

How to make the World Baseball Classic better

This World Baseball Classic is a great thing. Watching Team USA beat Canada yesterday was a thrill, and the Mexico-Canada brawl was the first time the Maple Leafs have seen military action since WWII. There are a few things they could change though...

1. Add a Team Russia - You need a vodka-drinking, steroids taking squad that spits at umpires and says Drago one-liners from Rocky 4. It makes the game of baseball about 1,000 times more fun to watch and the USA USA USA chants would be so much louder. Heck, if Putin was on the team ratings would go through the roof.

2. Go by North Korea rules - Since they've made their own brand of basketball, what about a brand of baseball? I'm sure it would be something like if you strike out its minus a run and if you hit the wall its four runs. If you hit into a double play, you're sent to a labor camp...

3. WWE-like entrances - If you can copy Apollo Creed's "Living in America" entrance from Rocky 4, that would be great for team USA. I'm thinking some techno-geek minimalist entrance for the Netherlands team.

4. What's Barry Bonds doing these days? - If America doesn't want him, couldn't another country take a flyer on him?

5. REALLY unique baseball stadiums - We get all up in a fuss when there's a warehouse in a major league ballpark. What if Team England had Big Ben in their centerfield stadium, or Team France played under the Eiffel Tower? The kicker would be if Team Canada had an actual Bigfoot wildlife preserve next to their bullpen.

(Get your Team USA gear here.)

March 10, 2013

Homemade Iron Man 3 Trailer

With Iron Man 3  coming out in May, a fan took to making the trailer. And I must say, it's pretty awesome.

(Buy Iron Man on Blu-ray HERE)

March 8, 2013

JustSON at the Movies: Ganster Squad

I was able to catch Ganster Squad last night at The Olympic Club in Centralia, which is an awesome late-release theater in the back of one of their bars. It allows you to get drinks and menu items in a relaxed lounge atmosphere while watching the movie. For $2, I was pleasantly entertained for an evening with Gangster Squad.

That being said though, it could have been better. This movie was kind of like the Sam Bowie of flicks. It had a great cast, intriguing time piece concept and what appeared to be good characters. But it fell flat.

The first two/thirds of the movie where we're introduced to the crew of Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling and a specially assembled crew of cops that try to take down mobster Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) in post-WW2 Los Angeles. For the first part of the movie, the stylish and funny take on the story really works. You find yourself really enjoying what's happening even though its been done before in just about  every gangster/underworld of Hollywood movie.

That's fine though, I wasn't expecting Oscar-worthy material here. It was definitely sliding in at a solid B rating, something I might pick up on DVD and pop in whenever my friends and I wanted to watch a good flick with plenty of one-liners.

Then the last third of the movie hit and it all kind of fell flat. A couple of things really started to get annoying or rear their ugly head by this point.

1. Gosling starts out in the movie as this kind of on-the-fence cop and his careless attitude really works in that part of the movie. It just feels like he stops acting and his scenes with Emma Stone are about as flat as you can be. Not what you want when you're going for that glamorous "Golden Age of Hollywood" feel.

2. There's plenty of characters in this film, but they're never really fleshed out or really explored. They just become stereotypes and that means you care less about them.

3. Sean Penn's portrayal of Mickey Cohen is cartoonish at best. They don't paint him as a clever guy just someone who is extremely violent. The most annoying part was when he would kill his underlings for failing him instead of just seeking out the Gangster Squad members and killing them. Cohen goes around killing everyone else except the Gangster Squad, who don't wear masks and leave the mobsters at the scene alive to identify them. So he's not a respectable villain. Not at all.

4. The action moved along well until we hit the "Cohen strikes back and makes general life hell for the Gangster Squad members" part of the movie. For the above mentioned reason, people die without a real reason, and then two main characters are killed without any real affect or outcome on the story. Everything gets muddled and just becomes a movie trailer without any real cause and effect or reason for actions being taken.

That being said though, still a somewhat enjoyable ride. Popcorn flick for sure. Just don't expect to have your mind blown.

Final Grade: 3 out of 5

(Get the Gangster Squad Blu-ray here.)

Washington Women post impressive comeback win

I don't think I am breaking into any new ground when I say that a 22-point lead in womens basketball is usually pretty concrete. Unless of course you're playing the Washington Huskies. During the Pac-12 Tournament on Thursday, UW rallied past Oregon in a historic win.

A normal player looks at a 22-point deficit and doubt creeps in, wondering if the game can be won. But Washington point guard Jazmine Davis isn't a normal player.

Teammate Kristi Kingma continued to tell her team they were OK despite last-placed Oregon shooting three-pointers to build an early lead in their Pac-12 women's basketball tournament opener on Thursday.

Davis believed her, taking over the second half to help UW win 69-62.

Fifth-seeded Washington (20-10) advanced to play No. 19 Colorado on Friday at 8:30 p.m. at KeyArena. The Huskies lost to the Buffaloes 68-61 in Boulder earlier this season.

Now Oregon was really terrible this year, and Colorado should be really good, but hey, a win is a win right?

(To hop on the UW bandwagon, click here.)

March 7, 2013

The truth about Force ghosts

From Dorkly...

Keith Price ready for fresh start

Last season proved to be a little trying for Keith Price as he struggled out on the field despite a load of preseason hype. This year, however, the UW quarterback says his legs are feeling better and he's not carrying any baggage over from last year.

"(Last season) was painful emotionally, physically and trying to carry the team when I didn't really need to," he said. "Trust has to be the biggest thing for me, and I can feel the difference between this year and last year. I trust my guys and I know everybody is going to be in the right place, and it's easier for me."

That trust wavered at times in 2012 as Price worked behind an injury-ravaged offensive line and with a young, rebuilt receiving corps. After throwing a school-record 33 touchdowns and 11 interceptions in 2011, he had 19 touchdowns and 13 interceptions in 2012.

But with just about every significant player on the offense back this year, so is Price's confidence.

"He's still got that swagger about him," said tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins. "One year isn't going to affect who he is as a player."

The Huskies do have other talented four-star recruits on the roster, recruits that Price said he's not worried about. UW is looking to make more progress this season in terms of wins and break into that elite group of college football teams this year. With plenty of returning guys, that looks like a possibility, but it probably hinges of what kind of quarterback Price is when he heads out onto the field.

(To get a Huskies flag, click here)

March 6, 2013

Galaxy closer than we thought... by about 40,000 light years

It was a screw up on a galactic scale, but at least we fixed it. Scientists have discovered that the Large Magellanic Cloud is actually 163,000 light years away when previous estimates had put it at around 200,000 light years away.

In case you're not aware, that is quite the change in position. The Large Magellanic Cloud, which can be seen in the Southern Hemisphere, is the third closest galaxy to our own Milky Way.

It is about 10 Billion times the size of our sun. It looks more like a giant cloud in the sky — it doesn't have a spiral shape, like our home galaxy — but might have at one time.


In the new study, researchers used new measurement techniques and well-known stars as benchmarks, to refine this measurement. The study suggests that their new estimate is accurate to about 2 percent.

It's good to know where things are in the universe. I'm assuming that's kind of important.

(To buy a book about galaxies, click here.)

March 5, 2013

My Fast Food Horror Story

This weekend when I went to the March Madness of Central Washington - the State 1A/2A Basketball Tournaments in Yakima - you know that city that reminds you of District 9? I was obviously at the mercy with what was available for food on the run in between games. Naturally I could have gone to a super market and buy like sandwich material, but who does that? The Amish?

The result, much to the chagrin of my conscious, is that I ate a lot of fast food. In fact, the only thing I ate was fast food. The workers there recognized me by the second day and by the third day they called me "Mr. Hansen" and had my order up before I asked for it.

My choices? The holy trifecta of suck - Seven Eleven, Dairy Queen and Taco Bell. In other words, had I stayed a week longer, I would have weighed like 300 pounds.

Now lately I've been that insufferable healthy eating douche that goes for veggies and soup, low-calorie options that allow me not to turn into Jabba the Hutt. Before going to Yakima, I had cut out fast food almost entirely out of my diet. I also became a Buddhist, was looking to campaign for world peace and turned into a hippie. Because that's what people that don't eat fast food do.

Remember "Super Size Me." I always thought that movie was a load of bull, but I had my own personal experience with what is feeding America's fat problem.

I'm not joking, not trying to get on a soapbox. It was just seriously shocking to me and my body, as to just how crappy our fast food is. It's like the Washington Wizards of a dining experience. Now my body wasn't exactly use to high grease, high calorie servings I was stuffing in my face, but that's no excuse for it making me physically sick after eating. Food from the supermarket doesn't do that. Here's some things I've noticed...

1. When you first walk into the fast food joint, a wave of grease hits you - Ahhh America. You can feel your arteries just hardening when you walk in the door. You've got to walk past the desert pie tray and stand in line because the place is packed - because everybody eats fast food now. You kind of don't want to touch anything because it's greasy to the touch, even the other customers. Also note, you don't see thin people at a fast food restaurant. Look around. They're not there. They're at the gym.

2. Those poor, poor fast food workers - They get paid minimum wage and they have to deal with 400 pounders getting angry when they don't put tomatoes on their triple-decker cheeseburger. You know, cause that tomato was totally going to offset the 6,500 calories they were about to consume. Its seriously a terrible, thankless job. And what happens if one of the people falls out of their scooters? You'll need a crane to get them back into it.

3. Kids, everywhere - Glad to see the future of America getting a nice dose of fast food that will no doubt give them a wonderful case of childhood obesity. Also note that parents are at least 10 times ruder when they have kids. They don't come up to the counter when their number is called because they're too busy pulling their kids off an exposed electrical outlet. They push you out of the way to get their 40 items they got for their 8 kids. Oh, and the world doesn't have an overpopulation problem. It made me want to get snipped and trust me, guys don't want to get snipped.

4. The food is disappointing - Does anyone ever feel happy about diving into two cheeseburgers and a large fry. I look at it like "oh boy, this is gonna be gross. I am a failure as a human being." Remember when we were hunter gatherers and we like gave thanks to the gods for providing us a great elk or bear that we had to kill with our own hands? Boy have the mighty fallen.

5. The aftermath - I had a food coma for the first time in a year, and wasn't exactly spry on my feet for the state tournament games. Lets just say I didn't stand up a whole lot.

Its pretty evident that fast food is just not for me anymore. I believe I'm going to go full-on hippie, eat tree bark and lentil beans, and probably live up in a Redwood.

(Here's a book on how you can eat healthier)