Don't fret Mariners fans, I know your team was woefully under-powered offensively last season just like they've been for much of the past 10 years. I know the Mariners have made a big splash in the season by signing the over-the-hill Jason Bay and Raul Ibanez. I know Kendrys Morales will probably suck this season.
But don't fret! You guys have Michael Saunders... a guy that hit .247 last season but has been practicing with POOL NOODLES in the offseason. Better watch out American League. Saunders is gonna hurt you. Or at least splash water in your eye.
The noodle has actually been cut down to a small, straight foam tube, with a rubber strap attached at both ends.
During batting practice, Saunders slides the contraption on over his head, with the foam coming to rest under his left armpit and the strap running tight across his chest and around the outside of his right arm.
"I call it 'The Lifejacket,' " Saunders said. "Brendan Ryan likes to call it 'The sushi roll' or 'The spicy tuna roll.' " The idea behind the device is for the foam to block his left elbow from getting in too tight against his body and "stalling out" when he swings. Instead, the foam forces his elbow to stay on its path in a stronger hitting position.
Year Avg. HR RBI
2012 .247 19 57
2011 .149 2 8
2010 .211 10 33
As you can see, he has productive that would make any half-drunk middle relief pitcher with a sprained elbow the shakes. Consdering everyone will be hitting .247 for the Mariners next season, maybe Saunders will look like the strong point in the lineup.
Oh and I'm not mad the Red Sox barely beat Northeastern today 3-0. Nope not at all.
(To buy your future AL bating champion Michael Saunders jersey, click here.
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