Swimming with Wild Dolphins

Why I didn't like a great Star Trek movie (SPOILER ALERT)

Let me preface this by saying I loved the new Star Trek in 2009. I'm not one of those cronies that complain that it isn't William Shatner playing Kirk, or that it's a completely different universe or something like that. Whatever. It's a movie. It's entertaining. And it's a whole heck of a lot faster-paced than Star Trek: Insurrection where Picard and company saved a bunch of people from ... getting transported off the planet. (WOWEE, so exciting)

But Star Trek Into Darkness is basically Star Trek's Greatest Hits. It's done well. It's paced well, there are several character driven scenes that are a nice touch. You've got perhaps one of the coolest Star Trek villians since Khan (oh wait, it is Khan). The action is always just spectacular.

J.J. Abrams, however, has taken elements from the original Star Trek 2 and 3 and mashed them into this movie. Those were great movies, but I've already bought the DVDs and I want to meet something new. What I loved about the 2009 movie was that Abrams was basically like "You know what, I'm going to pay subtle homage to Star Trek but do my own thing here."

Now? Well we have nearly a shot-for-shot recreation of the Spock death scene from "Wrath of Khan" but... instead it's Kirk! What a twist? Right guys? It's so rushed and ham-fisted, and again THE SAME EXACT SCENE WE SAW IN STAR TREK 2.

If you haven't seen the old Star Trek movies, I'm assuming you have a girlfriend or are married and not living with your parents, and STID should be really entertaining. I'm not denying this. For the rest of us losers, we've seen it before. I was hoping Abrams would have added just a little more original material to this story. We have Khan, who's brilliantly done, but we've already seen him in ST2. We have self sacrifice of a key crew member. And we have their resurrection (because apparently McCoy has found the cure for death.)

I won't pick apart the plot because who cares? It's a movie, there is going to be plot holes. The fact that Abrams took his redone Trek in the same old direction it had been taken before is annoying. It's like if he redoes the Star Wars movies and had Luke blow up the Death Star again. Lets do something new guys.

I give it 4 out of 5 stars for non-Star Trek fans, 2 out of 5 stars for Star Trek fans.

(To buy the original... and better Star Trek 2, click here)

Mind Blown: Mariners in Cleveland

Just when you think that the Mariners are turning a corner... they go to Cleveland and just completely screw things up, making every Seattle fan make the same face Jackie Chan is making.

Yesterday, the Mariners hit go-ahead home runs in the ninth and tenth innings but Cleveland catcher Yan Gomes jacked a three-run shot for the 10-8 walkoff win. What. The. Hell.

I think M's closer Tom Wilhelmsen says it best.

"We are glad to leave Cleveland," Wilhelmsen said with no trace of a smile after the Indians pulled off their third walk-off win in sweeping the four-game series. Progressive Field has turned into a house of horrors for the Mariners, who've had eight walk-off losses in Cleveland in the last seven years.

Seattle has now lost four in a row, but the good news is they're still in third place of the AL West at 20-25. But then again, if they have more crushing series like the Cleveland one, they wont be there very long. They're now in Los Angeles to play the Angels, a team with a much bigger payroll than them. Well this should be fun.

Can't explain how awesomely trashy Florida Georgia Line is

If you want a good laugh, check out the Nelly/Florida Georgia Line remix of the FGL's "Cruise" song. Perhaps one of the trashiest country songs ever produced in the Western Hemisphere, Nelly's appearance and voice synthesizing has produced was of the most hilarious faux country songs I've ever hear. Oh and I will definitely play this anytime I'm driving around Lewis County.

 

Do you want to see something trashier than the video above? Then check out the original FGL "Cruise" video. Yehaw!

 

Apparently what Nelly brings to the table is hotter girls and newer cars. What Florida Georgia Line brings to the table is a bunch of white guys that look really excited to be in a real rap video. Excellent. Now go do a remix of Numa Numa, Nelly.

(Get Florida Georgia Line's Album here -- if you live with your sister.)

Meme Mondays: Most Interesting Cat Alive

Meme Mondays! And of course its a cat meme. 

Epic Photo - Priest Point Park in Olympia, WA

Here's a photo from Priest Point Park in Olympia, WA. There's several trails along the southernmost point of South Puget Sound, and the beach provides some nice clam shell digging opportunities. Perfect for a Sunday afternoon adventure. 

(Then make sure you get ice cream at the Olympia Dairy Queen)

The Mariners are getting outdrawn by the Oakland Athletics

Oakland has been long the standard for an empty stadium. The Oakland Coliseum is more like one big gigantic cement tomb then a baseball park, and fans don't show up accordingly. Seattle, on the other hand, has one of the nicer ballparks in all of baseball and in 2013 they haven't been able to attract more than a few homeless people of the street.

Check this out...

MLB Attendance in 2013
24. Houston 19,310
25. Tampa Bay 19,144
26. Oakland 19,034
27. Miami 18,864
28. Seattle 18,751
29. Kansas City 18,497
30. Cleveland 14,205

Houston has the lowest payroll in all of baseball, Tampa Bay has that hard-core Florida sports fan base of 80-year olds that don't want to leave their RVs, Oakland is moving and their stadium is the perfect example of urban decay, Miami fire-saled their team and alienated their entire fan base, Kansas City hasn't won since the Regan Administration and nobody lives in Cleveland anymore.

What. the. heck. Seattle?

What is finally starting to sink in to the fanbase is that the Mariners have put a sub-par product out on the field for an entire decade despite ownership having the money. Their leadership up-top has just been terrible. Think back at all the trades, drafts and moves and think to yourself "When was the last time the Mariners made a smart move."

In this era of Netflix, HD TV and video games, who wants to go spend $50 to go see a team that's afraid to make a free agent move and couldn't get a hit to save their lives. Throw in that early spring is chilly in Seattle and you have this quagmire. We're approaching Kingdome level suckage for attendance.

Seattle isn't a die-hard sports town either. They're like every other city that only supports winners. The Mariners aren't winners and that's why they're getting outdrawn by the freakin' Athletics. While they keep selling "The Future" and "Rebuilding" while their present continues to crumble away.

Epic Video of Greatness: Nimoy vs. Quinto

If you're a Star Trek fan, this is the funniest ad ever.

Meme Tuesdays: Otter Jokes

So I missed Meme Monday's yesterday, but I promise I'll make up for it with an extra cute meme...

YouTube Thursdays: Why is the night sky dark?

Ever look up at the stars and wonder why it's dark? Well here's the answer...

Good Riddance NBA?

You've no doubt heard that the NBA owners have scoffed at the Seattle offer for the Sacramento Kings. Oddly enough, the relocation committee is headed by Oklahoma City turncoat Clay Bennett and this Sacramento ownership group is more flimsy then a homeless person's cardboard hut.

It looks as if the Sonics won't be coming back for the moment, and don't start talking about expansion because it isn't going to happen. Seattle fans are shocked and understandably bummed, after shops had started expanding their Gold and Green gear collections and people signed up for season tickets, this is a pretty big letdown. 

But you know what? Let em go. This shows more than anything that the NBA just loves to hold cities hostage  Seattle was used as a bargaining chip to force Sacramento to scramble for a new arena. Why? Because the NBA is greedy, plain and simple. 

Both cities were fighting for the right to spend public funds for a privately-owner team. That doesn't seem right, but that feels like the standard nowadays in professional sports. What I really hope happens is that cities, with cash-strapped budgets, realize what a bunch of smoke and mirrors these owners are pulling on people, and make a stand. Take your team elsewhere, we don't need you and your high ticket prices. The day of the everyman going to an NBA game is over unless you want to sit in the back row. Look around at games and the people sitting there either got the tickets from work or are loaded with cash. They're always on their phone, telling everyone at the game. They're certainly not all sports fans. 

It's no wonder that attendance in the NBA has dropped off. It's a flawed business model and I don't think Seattle needs to be a part of it. Go buy affordable Seattle Sounders tickets instead. 

David Stern saved the league back in the 1980s, but his ego has gotten in the way. What other sport do you have the commissioner vetoing trades and helping relocate franchises that have been in a city for over 40 years? He's become meddling, out-of-touch and hurtful to the league.

And Seattle, you don't need to be a part of it. 

(If you still miss the Sonics, buy a hat. ) 

Are the Mariners turning it around?

What the heck is going on? The Mariners have their longest winning of the season... three... after thumping the Orioles last night 6-2 behind a complete game by plumber look-alike Joe Saunders. Extra-base hits are coming at more of a frequency for Seattle, which probably changed their tactics after perfecting the weak ground out to the third baseman.

The Mariners also won their first series of the season against the LA Angels, and in a shocking development they're in third place of the AL West ahead of the Angels and the Astros. We might be seeing something of the power surge for Seattle and while it's not immediately showing up in the runs category you're seeing signs of life from Kyle Seager, Michael Saunders, Kelly Shoppach and Jason Bay. The team is still just hitting .240 but that's an improvement. Heck, even offensive black hole Dustin Ackley has improved to hitting .241 on the season.

Meanwhile the starting pitching has still been stellar and Tom Whilhelmsen has become a lock-down guy. Seattle is at least winning the low-scoring games, and once the offense comes around more, they should be able to get a few more W's even if the opposition puts across a few runs.

This might be a turnaround in the season, so keep a close eye on what the Mariners are going to do here in the next month. Maybe Eric Wedge will even crack a smile.

Meme Mondays: Grumpy Cat

This is probably everyone today...

Meme Mondays: The difference between cats and dogs

20 games in, the Mariners are terrible

Tonight the Mariners roll into Houston for a matchup of two terrible squads. In case you didn't see the series with Texas this weekend, Seattle just didn't get swept, the didn't even look competitive. That's not good if you're squawking about making some noise this season in the AL West.

The offense is now ranked 26th in runs, 29th in batting average, 28th in on-base percentage and 29th in slugging percentage. The only bright spot offensively right now is Kyle Seager who currently leads the league in doubles with 10 and is hitting .378 in his last 10 games.

Everybody else though? Ugh. Fans would be happy if their lineup had guys that could hit over .200.

Tonight Felix takes the mound against Houston, but the King has had zero run support and is 1-2 on the season. This key will prove vital for the Mariners because they've already painted themselves into a corner. They haven't won a series yet, and if they want to turn this thing around they need to win this series against Houston or sweep it.

But remember how things went back at Safeco this season? Good lord.

Why I hope the Kings don't come to Seattle

"NBA is back in Seattle! Well, maybe it is. Ok, it might not be now."

Those are the emotions that have gone through the Emerald City since it was announced a few months ago that Chris Hansen was buying the Sacramento Kings.

At first the city exploded with excitement and then the NBA stepped in and said the sale wasn't final and it was still up to the league if they grant the sale and relocation of the franchise.

The owners met today and it appears that a decision may still be a few weeks away from being made about the fate of the team.

And I must say, I hope they don't come to Seattle.

Now calm down. Before you burn me at the stake, hear me out.

I've grown up near Seattle and lived near the city almost my entire life. I love Seattle sports. I was a Seahawks fan before it was "cool", I root for the Mariners through all their highs and lows (and mainly they have lows) and I was a HUGE Sonics fan. When I was growing up I would stay up past my bedtime just to find out how the game ended.

So don't call me a Seattle hater.

(Get an early start on the Seattle Sonics bandwagon HERE)

However, being a Sonics fan I was here when the team was ripped away from the city and taken to Oklahoma City and rebranded as the Thunder. It plain sucked. And as a fan there was nothing I could do because I wasn't a multi-billionaire. I was just a fan. A poor fan watching the NBA team I grew up watching being taken away.

And now Seattle wants to do that to another city and that fanbase.

Sure it'd be easy for me to say "Screw them! Give us a team!" But I can't bring myself to do that. Mainly because I cringe everytime I turn on the TV and OKC is playing. I hope they lose every game and it makes me sick to see them with the number one seed in the West.

And that's how Sacramento would feel toward Seattle. The only difference is that I live in Seattle and can drown my NBA sorrows in professional football (Seahawks), professional baseball (Mariners), professional soccer (Sounders FC), college sports (University of Washington) and a plethora of minor league teams.

Take the Kings from Sacramento and those fans have...well...paying high taxes of California. I feel bad for them.

And to top it off, if Seattle gets the Kings they're just going to erase almost 70 years of history and re-name them the "Sonics" and pretend the team just took a six year hiatus. Which from a sports history point I think is lame. The Sonics are in Oklahoma City. Enough.

So as much as I'd love to see Seattle get an NBA team, I don't want it to come at the expense of another city. I'd like to think the NBA could make an exception and give Seattle an expansion team. That way both cities win. However, if the Kings do move to Seattle, I will support the Sonics version 2.0.

And here's how I see it going down. The NBA wants their money, so the NBA lets Hansen buy the Kings and move them. Then the NBA allows Sacramento to buy an expansion team. That way the league gets more money! Makes sense to me. (rolls eyes)

Anyway, when I want my NBA fix I'll watch a young, talented and growing team in that city down South of here. They're building something in the Rose City. And I don't mind watching it while I wait for OKC to give us our team back.

 (Buy your Seattle Sonics gear HERE)

Game 15 - The ghost of Doug Fister

Doug Fister? Remember that guy? He used to pitch for the Mariners. He used to be a really good pitcher for the Mariners.

Then Seattle shipped him off to Detroit for pitchers Charlie Furbush and Chance Ruffin, outfielder Casper Wells and Francisco Martinez. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go do something real quick. Obviously that has shaken out to be a really bad trade for Seattle. Furbush is the only guy in that trade still on the team and he doesn't exactly instill shutdown confidence in the fans when he trots out to the mound.

Fister went seven innings on Tuesday, striking out five and allowing four hits and 2 runs. The Tigers downed the M's 6-2. A quality start for a guy that had plenty while wearing a Mariners jersey. Mariners starter Aaron Harang didn't do too bad either, going five innings and allowing 3 runs while striking out. The big problem though... was the Detroit offense. They finished with 12 hits and scored scored five unanswered runs when the Mariners took a 2-1 lead in the fourth inning.

They'll no doubt have an excellent season. Have you seen that lineup? Good lord. Offense that only Mariners fans can dream about.

Mike Morse is back from his finger injury and drove in a run as did Kendrys Morales - the two guys in the M's lineup doing anything. Dustin Ackley was probably playing World of Warcraft in between at bats and his batting average is now a stunning .114.

If the Tigers sweep the Mariners in this series don't be suprised. They're a really good squad.

(Buy your Doug Fister gear here, Because what? You gonna buy a Charlie Furbush jersey?)

The Do's an Don'ts at Safeco Field

Having gone to the M's game yesterday, I noticed there's a few things you shouldn't do when you go to baseball's shrine in Seattle. To ensure you don't make the same mistake, here are some tips.

1. When you get bleacher seats on bright, sunny afternoon day, you'd better bring a hat - I realized rather quickly that we had ventured into an area that was about as hot as the surface of the sun - even though it was April in Seattle - and that my pale, weak, easily burnt skin would quickly resemble jerky. So I had to go down to the team store and get fleeced for a Boston hat. And the team store guy wasn't happy with me buying a Boston hat.

2. People show up late so make sure you defend your turf or moved to an empty spot - When the game started, the bleacher area was relatively empty but more and more and more people piled in. They were all roughly 300 pounds and had a Sidney Rice jersey on. These people also had a knack for trying to nestle up right next to you and squeeze you in your seat. Sidney Rice was never covered this closely in his NFL career. Since apparently Safeco ushers don't care if you move around in the cheap seats, move around to freedom becuase you won't regret hearing some guys drone on about how Seattle is the most-taxed city in American and how Motocross is "totally" going to happen at Century Link Field.

3. Coffee is expensive - Five bucks for a coffee?!?!? What is this Starbucks??!?! Oh you handed it to me in a Starbucks cup, I guess it is.

4. Dustin Ackley is as terrible in person as he is on TV - Like really bad. Like so bad the Jumbotron just shows reruns of Fraiser when he comes up to bat.

5. Watch out for the Seagulls - Good lord, its like a scene from an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I shudder to think of what the people on the first base side of Safeco had to endure from droppings...

Game 12, 13 and 14 - A victory to split with the Rangers?

It most definitely is a victory to split a series with these guys. I mean they're the same Rangers that everyone in Spokane loves because they've made the World Series in two of the past three years, and we all know Spokane loves a front-runner. (Yes, I'm making fun of Spokane and being supportive of Seattle for the first time ever, and snowballs are the new interior decoration choice of Satan) The Mariners came into this series limping after getting roughed up by the lowly Astors with a payroll smaller than your local Pizza Hut.

And after today's 4-3 victory over the Rangers (Which Casey and I attended), there is a little more light at the end of the tunnel. Why? Because starter Brandon Maurer finally showed some of the promise he had in spring training. He attacked the Rangers lineup, struck out guys, and most importantly didn't get shelled like he had in his last start.

The M's lineup got 10 hits, which was amazing considering when a batter in a M's jersey gets in the batter's box, you're suprised when he has a batting average over .200. That is still a work in progress and Dustin Akley might be the biggest pit of offense I have ever seen on a baseball diamond (He's hitting .122 so far this season and that's an IMPROVEMENT). Casey and I have serious doubts if he'll even make it to "Dustin Akley Bat Giveaway Night" at Safeco before being sent down to Tacoma.

The win comes after a rather deflating 3-1 loss to the Rangers on Saturday night, so it was good to see the M's bounce back from that. And even though the Seattle offense was it's gawdawful self, at least Joe Saunders looked proficient giving up just 3 hits and 1 unearned run in his 7 innings of work as the starter. On Friday, Iwakuma out-dueled Yu Darvish in a 3-1 win and that should be taken a little seriously.

If you're keeping home at score, that's three straight quality starts by Mariners' starters and the bullpen is quite solid this season. You could also consider Thursday a quality start for Hernandez, even though it's not quite up to Hernandez standards.

The Mariners are now fourth in the majors in quality starts with 7, but rank 25th in the league in ERA largely thanks to Maurer's early troubles. This pitching staff can get the job done, but they need the offense to back it up and that's been the theme for Seattle for the past like 10 years.

27th in the league in batting average (.220) and 26th in on-base percentage (.292).

Got to pick it up guys, but at least for the moment, Seattle is in third place at 6-8. They're facing a super stacked Detroit squad beginning on Tuesday. So hold on your hats, it could get ugly. But, if the M's play with the Tigers, welllll... that would be a whole different story.

Game 11 - Felix's start goes down the tubes

Well at least the Mariners didn't lose to the worst paid team in baseball again. Texas handed Seattle a 4-3 loss and the M's squandered yet another quality Felix Hernandez start. Don't worry, this team is only ranked 27th in the league in batting average.

For a while during the game, you were kind of lulled in a "Hey! The M's are hanging with the Rangers!" but then reality set in when they scored a couple of runs. And that's all it takes to beat the Mariners these days... a couple of runs.

But this was a Hernandez start! Problem is, I don't think they were able to give away all of those free-Felix t-shirts since only 22,000 fans showed up. I think the t-shirts were for the first 25,000 fans. Oh well. Felix did strike out 5 and got to the 1,500 Ks milestone, but Texas rallied for 2 runs in fifth inning and the Seattle bats predictably could not comeback. That's the second straight start where Felix has been good and the M's couldn't capitalize.

To make matters worse Mike Morse broke fractured his finger and will be out for 7 days. You know the only guy in the Mariners lineup that can hit home runs?

Against Texas, we can only hope for a win by the M's with Iwakuma on the mound tonight - because I don't think the back end of the rotation has it in them to get by the might Rangers. The only problem is that Iawkuma is facing "almost threw a perfect game" Yu Darvish. So there's that.

For some perspective on how bad the Mariners offense is right now, think about this. Only three batters in the lineup are hitting .250 or above and two are hitting below .200. They may look like a major league ballclub but they hit like sh**.

(Here's how you Mariner fans can deal with depression.)

Hilarious Planet Fitness Commercial

Now Brandon has been "bulking up" for a while. And we actually had a converstation that went something like this the other day. It was strange to say the least...

(Help us out by buying your fitness equipment HERE)



A lunk according to Planet Fitness is someone who drops weights, grunts or screams during workouts. They even have an alarm that will go off.