Northern Rangers: The search for Bigfoot

The Pacific Northwest is home to a variety of creatures. Some more popular than others. Slugs, moss and Ken Griffey Jr. are big but nothing is more talked about in the area than Sasquatch (or big foot). Sasquatch, who shouldn't be mistaken for John Travolta in battlefield earth, has appeared in many movies including Harry and the Hendersons.

And while Harry was plenty famous for a Sasquatch, no Sasquatch got more tv time than Squatch.

Long had we seen the furry phenomenon roaming around the Seattle SuperSonics bench. His pastime included launching t-shirts into the crowd of the Key Arena and scaring other NBA players. However, when the team up and moved, it appeared the furry guy didn't make the trek down to Oklahoma City.

He dropped out of public life. The Sonics move caused him to stop attending his Monday night bowling league and occasionally pulling his signature practical joke by eating the neighbor's dog.

He traded in his larger than Shaq sneakers for his bare feet and disappeared into the woods around Mount Rainier.

This got the Northern Rangers of Just South of North thinking, what happened to Squatch? We decided to see if we could do what no cryptozoologist has done before: find Bigfoot.

Brandon covered the east part of the state, while Casey scoured the western half.

Brandon first started in Spokane, famous for it's Gonzaga Bulldogs and strange inhabitants that roam the streets - known as Spokies. He figured Sasquatch could easily blend in with this very non judgemental crowd.

After staking out downtown Spokane, the only thing Brandon caught was a nasty case of frostbite (have you been in eastern Washington in February? yikes) and an awkward run in with a lady wearing a very large fur coat. She didn't have to call the cops, it was an honest mistake.

Meanwhile, in western Washington Casey wasn't having much luck either. He had decided to start at the last place anyone had seen the Sasquatch--Key Arena. Upon entering, Casey was shocked to see the musical "Oklahoma" being performed. He decide the air was a bit chilly, and stayed to watch.

He then realized that the actors were actually the former players of the Western Washington University football program. They were still on scholarship even after the University canceled the sport and had to do something involving extracurricular activities.

With that, Casey got up and left. He decided that looking for Sasquatch on a cold night would be more beneficial.

Back on the eastside, Brandon was busy tracking what he thought to be Sasquatch tracks along the Spokane River. It actually just turned out to be a large goose that he had been tracking. Upon seeing Brandon the goose attacked. After fending off the beast, and finding some Neosporin to treat all the peck marks he had, Brandon seriously considered giving up on the search. He called Casey and decided that the Northern Rangers were a lot like the Scooby Doo characters, they worked a lot better together then when they split up.

Brandon arrived in Seattle to meet Casey at Starbucks. Little did he know that in Seattle there is a Starbucks on every corner. After wandering into about 47 Starbucks he finally stumbled into the correct Starbucks with considerable bewilderment, Brandon wondered why Casey was just sitting and sipping a Latte. Casey also was wondering, wondering why Brandon had peck marks all over his body.

"Why aren't you looking for Sasquatch?" asked Brandon.

"Well, actually I got bored and got on Facebook instead," replied Casey. "And much to my amazement, guess who I found on here?"

"Hannah Montana?"

"Nope, one more guess."

"Ross Perot?"

"Well, yes, but I found him last week. No, Sasquatch."

Brandon quickly switched to the "About me section" and the Northern Rangers saw that Sasquatch's current location, thanks to the social networking site, was rooming with Bill Buckner in Idaho.

We had finally tracked down the elusive creature known across the globe

After putting much thought into it, we decided that the best thing to do would be to sell the big guy's location to the highest bidder. After all, we were freelance journalists and could use the extra money. I wonder what happened to him after that?

Well, you know we're all about the outdoors here at JustSON, so any chance to conserve nature... save the planet... all that stuff.

Ah who are we kidding, Brandon has already eaten a half-pallet of Sasquatch Jerky. Maybe he'll inherit Squatch's basketball abilities and be able to jump more than two inches. Either that or he'll actually be able to grow in a full beard now. We'll see...