January 12, 2011

How to deal with an Ewok attack...


Glacier Park is an awesome, wonderful place in Western Montana. It's an American treasure and people love coming here to experience nature at it's best. There is plenty of wildlife to see, but you have to respect the wildlife. The most dangerous isn't the Grizzlies, it's these little bastards...


Glacier National Park has seen a rash of...

1. Stolen speeder bikes
2. Kidnapped Princesses
3. Stormtroopers with their helmets bashed in

After initial park ranger investigations, it has been discovered that these nefarious little buggers have indeed invaded the Northwest Montana ecosystem. While not dangerous unless provoked or bribed by rebel forces, Ewoks should be treated with the utmost respect.

When going out camping make sure that...

1. You carry a supply of Ewok spray or a C-3PO unit that they will worship as a god. OR have an expendable Red Shirt from Star Trek.
2. Carry a blaster and make sure you have better aim than those inept Stormtroopers.

Also make sure that you keep all garbage cans covered and if you do become entrapped in an Ewok trap make sure you have a R2 unit to cut you out.

Here is a photo of the Ewok's natural habitat...


As you can see, it's much more technologically advanced than even the largest settlements in the state of Montana. If you see one, walk away slowly and look for the nearest Seven-Eleven. Ewoks do not like Slurpies. Also make sure you avoid the ring-leader of all Ewoks...


This douche should be avoided at all costs. You can find him at some of the most dangerous spots in Montana...

1. Washington-Grizzly Stadium
2. University Alum's granddaughters birthday parties
3. Special political events
4. A crack house.

So please be safe, and be aware of Ewoks in their nature habitat in Glacier National Park and Western Montana.

No comments:

Post a Comment