Living in Starbucks-opia

Having lived in Montana for two years, I noticed one real gaping problem with what was otherwise a wonderful state. There were no Starbucks where I live.

In Polson, there was one Starbucks in the Safeway there but we all know that doesn't really count. Other then that, the nearest Starbucks was nearly an hour away in Kalispell. Since moving to Centralia, near the mothership Starbucks (to your right), the number of Starbucks has gone through the roof.

However, that has posed some interesting problems...

1. I now have eight cups of coffee a day - It took me a half hour to write that because my hands are shaking so bad.

2. Everybody smells like gingerbread spice during the Holidays - Which would be cool, except they smell like it because their sweating coffee at the gym.

3. Hipsters are now in numbers, and they're breeding with Yuppies - You know what coffee attracts? Hipsters. They're everywhere. Stop the mustaches and the skinny jeans . Please!

4. If you don't have a Starbucks mug you're not cool enough - Apparently my Darth Vader mug makes me nerdy.

5. High calorie pastries are ruining me - How do you do it Starbucks? I just had a piece of toast that was apparently 2,104 calories. What. The. Hell?