Living in Starbucks-opia

Having lived in Montana for two years, I noticed one real gaping problem with what was otherwise a wonderful state. There were no Starbucks where I live.

In Polson, there was one Starbucks in the Safeway there but we all know that doesn't really count. Other then that, the nearest Starbucks was nearly an hour away in Kalispell. Since moving to Centralia, near the mothership Starbucks (to your right), the number of Starbucks has gone through the roof.

However, that has posed some interesting problems...

1. I now have eight cups of coffee a day - It took me a half hour to write that because my hands are shaking so bad.

2. Everybody smells like gingerbread spice during the Holidays - Which would be cool, except they smell like it because their sweating coffee at the gym.

3. Hipsters are now in numbers, and they're breeding with Yuppies - You know what coffee attracts? Hipsters. They're everywhere. Stop the mustaches and the skinny jeans . Please!

4. If you don't have a Starbucks mug you're not cool enough - Apparently my Darth Vader mug makes me nerdy.

5. High calorie pastries are ruining me - How do you do it Starbucks? I just had a piece of toast that was apparently 2,104 calories. What. The. Hell?

It's Pumpkin Spice Latte Time

It's fall. And that means Brandon's favorite drink, the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks is back. He literally drinks these things everyday till winter.

Starbucks sucks

While you're letting you eyes gather in the hotness that is Britney Spears ... yeah gather that in... you should hear what Starbucks is doing:

The giant coffee chain has a policy of keeping a tap running non-stop at all its 10,000 outlets worldwide, wasting 23.4 MILLION litres a day.

That would provide enough daily water for the entire two million-strong population of drought-hit Namibia in Africa or fill an Olympic pool every 83 minutes.

Every Starbucks branch has a cold tap behind the counter providing water for a sink called a “dipper well”, used for washing spoons and utensils.

What the heck? Did a bunch of guys sitting around the Starbucks board room during a brainstorm session think they needed more corporate-juggernaut aura hovering around their business.

"You know what we could do to really piss people off? Turn our facets on and leave them on.

"Brilliant Dave! Now lets go have lunch, I hear the restaurant we're going to is serving an endagered species as the special"

Sometimes corporations need common sense advisers because anyone with half a brain would have told the coffee giant that this may not exactly be the best PR device.

But if OJ Simpson's latest trial has shown us anything, nobody uses common sense advisers anymore.