Tornado warnings in the Alley

Last night there were tornado warnings and sever thunderstorm warnings across what felt like the entire mid-west.

Now keep in mind, I grew up in a small town at the base of Mount Rainier in Washington. The worst weather we got was when it actually stopped raining and I got sunburned.

Here I am, in Lincoln, Nebraska, the television is reporting tornadoes in the area, the sky is black, its starting to rain. I just know the end is coming. And then I think, "Why is nobody else worried."

So I ask the guy next to me and he says, "Eh, it hasn't touched down yet. We'll worry about that later."

I mean, these people are crazy. They actually chase down these things. No joke. The movie Twister happens about everyday around here.

All I can think is that we should be hiding in a barrack somewhere. Maybe a basement at the very least. Or in a cave. With John Legend singing folk music. But to these people it was just another Thursday. Wow.

In other news, the LOST season finale was last night. And now all I can say is that I am more confused than ever. If you've ever read The Voyages of Dr. Doolittle, he comes across a moving island. Yeah, that's the direction LOST is heading. A giant floating, movable island. I am beginning to think the writers are lost.

Speaking of people being lost, a woman in Tokyo lived in a mans closet for a year without him knowing about it.

The 58-year-old homeless lady snuck into the mans house, and was living there unnoticed. Until he finally began to see that food was disappearing. So he put up security cameras. The camera caught her in there and he called the police.

The police arrested her for trespassing. She had even got a mattress in the closet. Yeah, a whole year. And according to the police spokesman, "she was neat and clean."

A man is Wellington, New Zealand has been fined by the court for throwing a hedgehog at a teenage boy. Apparently, "William Singalargh picked up the hedgehog and threw it several yards to hit a 15-year-old boy."

The hedgehog hit him in the leg and left a whelt.

Senior Sgt. Bruce Jenkins said, "While using a hedgehog as a weapon in an assault is uncommon, people often get charged with assault for throwing things at other people."

Yeah, throwing bricks, stones, sticks, toasters...but hedgehogs?!?!

At least it was better than a porcupine.

Paradise just LOST

The Miami Dolphins have started clearing house already. Releasing nine players today, including quarterback Trent Green. Green had spent the 2007 season on IR after suffering his second serious concussion.

But now the Dolphins, who are a franchise that is barely floating, need to acquire a quarterback. And fast. Because like the ABC show, they are just LOST right now.

Now this team, which has lacked a leader at coach all year, is now without a leader on the field. This is worse than when Kerry Collins just gave up on the Panthers.

Most draft boards have the Dolphins picking a defensive lineman in the draft with the number one pick. But the truth is, the Fins have an aging defensive and a non existent offense. But a rookie quarterback is not the answer for this team. They need a veteran leader who can take charge on the field, and in the locker room.

Plus, the quarterback class this year is less than stellar. Yes, I said stellar. Here's my suggestion to Bill Parcells.

Trade the number one pick for a quarterback and a later pick in the draft. There are a ton of defensive lineman this year.

So Mr. Parcells, here are the teams I believe you should be courting:

1. Arizona Cardinals- Kurt Warner

Who better to help jump kick this rebuilding than a two time NFL MVP and a Super Bowl winner? Warner didn't have a horrible year. Heck, he did better than Eli Manning did during the regular season. Plus, with Matt Leinart in Arizona, Warner won't start. Leinart is the QB of that franchise.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers- Charlie Batch

Batch is one of those quarterbacks that hardly ever gets a chance to play, but when he does he shines. You have to forget about his time in Detroit. Time spent there doesn't really count (unless you are Barry Sanders). Batch would be a great addition to the Dolphins, he's kinda the Trent Dilfer style quarterback. He doesn't make mistakes, but he doesn't really make plays either. He just doesn't mess up.

3. Dallas Cowboys- Brad Johnson

Johnson isn't a long term fix. He would just be a bandaid for the short term. Someone to help groom a younger quarterback, rather than toss them straight into the fire of a Patriots defense. Plus, somehow Johnson knows how to win games. Look at what he did last year in Minnesota.

Well, no matter what the Dolphins do, it will be a long time before they are back into the play-offs. They still have to play the New England Patriots twice, but at least they have Buffalo.