Reasons why you're still single

You're forty years old and you spilled your beer on my little cousin while trying to lean over the railing to give the mascot a high five at a minor-league baseball game.

God, I need a baseball fix.

That's why I'm going to shower you with a crapload of baseball links.

The Real Crash Davis -- unfortunately, that means he sleeps with Susan Sarandon. This is one thing that always bugged me about the movie Bull Durham. Great, great, great baseball movie, but I just don't think Susan Sarandon is attractive. She's got nursing home looks and is just a blatant wacko in real life. She's up there with the girl from Top Gun as the most un-hot hot girls in movies.

Griffey is going to the White Sox -- and reportedly, will still wear his cap backwards.

And if you haven't heard about it, which means you're really stupid, Manny Ramirez has been traded to the LA Dodgers (where he'll reunite with NOOOMAAARRRR) in a three-team trade that has Jason Bay going to Boston from the Pirates.

You can't see me right now but I'm doing the Peter Griffen "SHIPOOPI" dance. This is exactly the move that the Sox needed to make. There's a reason why they've won two World Series.

The Joke is on you

Our first story comes from Three Rivers, Michigan where 20 year old Spencer Taylor was arrested for attempting to steal items from The Dark Knight from a theather. The best part, he was dressed up as the Joker.

Taylor is now going to face larceny and malicious destruction of property chargers. Looks like the Joker looses again. Only this time, to a high school kid who sells popcorn during the summer. But man, what a sweet mug shot.

In other stuff, have you heard about Mighty Muggs? Yeah, they are kinda like the new Beanie Babies for nerds. Only these are at least cool. Check them out here.

Basically stick figures in Marvel, Indiana Jones and Star Wars clothing. Oh, and 100% recycled awesome (or plastic) you decide. Yeah for Hasbro.

Speaking of Hasbro, the 2nd installment of the hugely popular Transformers movie is starting to create some buzz.

First of all it will star Shia LeBeouf. Who is in every big summer movie lately.

Secondly, it shows that without an alien car driving him, LeBeouf can't drive. Read it here.

Basically, LaBeouf was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after an auto accident in which he was injured early Sunday, a police official said on July 27, 2008.

Autobots, transform and roll out! Except for you Bumblebee. You've been hitting the motor oil a bit hard lately.

In an interview for the September edition of America's Details magazine, Shia said: "It's not something that is conducive to being a role model.

And I don't know how to do it like a gentleman. I don't know how to have one drink."

Awww... poor guy. Must be tough making tons of money. But acting like a jerk comes easy.

Livin' on a Prayer

As many as you know, Bon Jovi is pretty much my all-time favorite musician. So when the AFL had their Arena Bowl in New Orleans today, I had to root for the Philadelphia Soul, since it's owned by the Livin' on a Prayer maestro.

And they didn't disappoint, beating the San Jose Sabercats 59-56 (who have won three AFL championships) in a very entertaining game that went right down to the last possession. And even the last possession was entertaining because the Soul had to run out the clock and instead of taking a knee (which would just stop the clock), the quarterback ran off the final 15 seconds of the game by dropping back three times for roughly 30 yards and heaving the ball into the stands.

Don't forget that former Spokane Shock player Rob Keefe was also on the squad.

One thing that I did like about the broadcast was the fact that the players and coaches were completely miked. So if something was said on the field, you heard it. Now I'm assuming their was a five-second delay so they could bleep out profanity (which was a jarring mute of all sound on the television), which would be the most interesting job in all of sports: listening for player and coach profanity.

Now if Dennis Green were involved in the game, it probably would be the worst job in all of sports.

What are your guys' thoughts on the AFL?

Epic Photo: I'm not really worried about the Arizona Cardinals beating the Seahawks

Got this from Deadspin.com.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008-2009 Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback.

Now normally I would dive into some sort of lame attempt at humor to bring down Matt Leinart (far right, for those of you that think he might be the father of your baby), but I got to thinking about certain pictures of me floating around the internet...


....

Okay, you get a free pass this time Matt.

Adam Morrison is alive

People in Spokane may get a chance to see Adam Morrison again before he's whisked away to the basketball black hole known as the Charlotte Bobcats and never seen again (Until the Bobcats move to Seattle to replace the Sonics).

The 'stache is hosting a golf tournament benefiting charity, and also to throw in a little curve ball, he's also having a Halo 3 Tournament.

Say what you will about the guy, but that's an ingenious idea. Who wouldn't want to match up against the former Gonzaga player in a matchup of the Master Chiefs.

And they're hosting it in the middle of a mall so it's bound to bring a crowd.

I really hope this doesn't become a common occurrence for Adam, since holding a controller is much different than taking a jump shot in the NBA. He's had a rough go so far with injuries and such (missed all of last season), which is a shame. I'm keeping score right now with who's going to turn out better, my alma mater's Rodney Stuckey or Morrison. But if he continues to be on the DL, we're never going to be able to settle that.

One thing is for sure though, Gonzaga really needs one of its kids to do good in the NBA. Turiaf has become a solid sixth man, but he's more of a Mark Madsen light (I just puked in my mouth).

I'm on 'roids

There's a new blog in town, Journalism Juicers, and they'll subsequently be taking pot shots at me any chance they get.

Just keep the ugly girl hookups and drunk tirades involving a can of Raid out of this, guys.

Anyways, it's put on by Eric Schwartz and Cary Rosenbaum, both real swell people and quality journalists. So go read their blog, it's already got some entertaining posts on it.

And unlike Fishbear Sports, they're not a bunch of Tri-City homers. Seriously Joel, stop supporting a lost cause.

Beer Me

Thanks to my wonderful addiction to the History Channel, I discovered a few facts about beer, which no doubt will lead me to drink more.

Beer Anthropologist is a real job -- Thanks Eastern Washington University for not having that major when I was in school. Apparently you go around the world studying the history of beer. So does that mean you're doing "studying" when you go to the bar and therefore can you do it during work hours?

Beer was a cleaner and safer alternative as a drink in the Middle Ages -- So basically civilization in Europe relied on its existence.

Monks drank a crapload of beer -- The church actually controlled the brewing and disbursement of beer, meaning that the monks and other religious were quite involved in the drinking scene.

In 1814, a storage vat burst in London, causing a 25-foot wave of beer to go crashing down a street, killing eight -- If there's one way to go, it's drowning in beer.

Epic Video: WNBA Brawl

Man I'm going to start watching more WNBA basketball if this keeps happening...


One of players suffered a knee sprain and left the game in a wheelchair. Although there's an assistant coach for the Detroit Shock that is probably hurting a lot more after pulling off this wonderful "douche" move...

Detroit Shock assistant coach Rick Mahorn, center, grabs the arm of Los Angeles Sparks' assistant coach Laura Beeman while being hit on the back by Sparks' DeLisha Milton-Jones, second from right, during a fight in the closing seconds of a WNBA basketball game on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 in Auburn Hills, Mich. Mahorn was ejected from the game for pushing Sparks' Lisa Leslie while attempting to keep Leslie from approaching the Shock bench during a bench-clearing fight in which four were ejected.

Funny thing is that brawls apparently are becoming common place at Auburn Hills, I'm wondering when they'll start moving basketball games into the Octagon.

Thundercats!

Well, the Supersonics are gone. And now the new nickname of the team in Oklahoma City...Thunder. AKA...lame.

Here is what one comment on the OKC version of the report said,

(16) KL says:

Thunder means you missed the lightning. Thunder is what happens after power is expelled. Thunder is just sound but no flash. Thunder is second place–lightning always comes in first. Lightning starts the fire, thunder is just a boom. Ooooo….. thunder….scary to little kids….makes ‘em run to Mommy. Someone musta used up all the marketing money buying the team….I’m sure there is a High School Business Club in the state that could come up with something better than an atmospheric fart. Oklahoma City Storm Farts … ain’t buying that jersey.

Congratulations Oklahoma City. You stole Seattle's team. You then named them like a WNBA team, or even a youth soccer team.

Yeah for the atmospheric farts.

The Dark Knight

I'll admit it. When I first heard way back when the second Batman Begins was announced, that Heath Ledger would be playing the Joker, I was saddened. I just didn't think he had what it took to play a role like this.

And then the screen shots started showing up. And wow they looked good.

Sadly, Ledger's death came too soon. And many were afraid this role would ruin his acting story.

I just saw The Dark Knight. (for the second time actually) and it is simply amazing. I won't say that Ledger deserves an Oscar or not, only because the people who pick the winners always pick people from movies nobody has ever heard of.

But he is simply astounding in this movie. Even trying to picture Ledger, all you can see is the Joker. He didn't just play a role, he became a role. If you haven't seen it, I would say go now. Yes, right now!

And then let me know what you think.

Reasons why you're still single...

Your career aspirations are to become an Air Force photographer, yet you work at a convenience store...

Oh yeah, and you talk with a lisp.

Shocking development

Covered the Spokane Shock's 78-51 victory over the Quad City Steamwheeler's last night. It was a pretty crazy game with the Shock scoring 56 points in the first half and recovering four kickoffs to the Steamwheelers.

You can check out my game story here.

And you can check out a slide show of the game here.

With that victory, Spokane clinches home-field advantage throughout the entire af2 playoffs and -- if they make it to the championship game -- the Arena Cup. That's a good thing considering they sell out that place with 10,000+ fans every weekend.

Madden '09 is almost here

... and I'm about to chew my hands off in anticipation. Check out my GOWF post about what I've been doing to shake off the Madden withdrawals...

I'm not counting down the days or anything. Alright, that was lie. This game is something I've been waiting for more eagerly than graduation from college, Christmas and Ritchie Sexson getting traded to the Yankees.

August 12th is a long, long ways off in the mind of a obsessed NFL fan. It's not that I'm a huge gamer, but there is a certain "the season is almost here" feeling you get when you unwrap the latest version of Madden and find out that the programmers completely shafted your favorite team's ratings.

For the reasons, and a funny picture of Madden... click here.

Game On

Alright, we've back playing regular season baseball after a pretty impressive All-Star Game. Here's a couple of predictions I've got for the rest of the season. Tell me if I'm being too obvious or not.

The Yankees will make a run in the second half followed by roughly thirty "The Yankees are back!" articles by Sports Illustrated and ESPN.com

Should we really go through the whole charade of being surprised. The Yankees do this every year, and people got crazy everytime it happens. Come on, it's like the inevitable Ken Griffey Jr. injury (god bless his heart) or a Lou Pineilla freak out.

The Montreal Expos will make a comeback in the standings

A team that has been defunct for years now due to bad stadium attendance and basically being the farm system for the New York Yankees has got to be in better shape than the 36-60 Washington Nationals.

Baseball in our nation's capital? Still sucks.

The Mariners continue to suck

Duh, but at least they got rid of Ritchie Rich.

I'm not a team player

No really, read this article about how much fans that refer to their favorite team as "we" annoys me.

Most experienced fans will skirt around that sort of association with their teams, understanding that their chances of being “we” passed up back when they were in high school and the only team they could make was the one that had positions like the “rook” and “bishop.”

The only time you’ll catch them saying “we” is about three beers into a deep conversation with an opposing fan about somebody’s on-base percentage and their chances of making the postseason. Meanwhile, the person dropping “we” like it’s going to get them into the hottest night club, is using it to refer to how pretty “their” uniforms look.

The biggest perps... Mariner fans. Unless of course you're talking about this season then you get the ol' "oh, I really don't follow baseball" excuse. Ha!

Superdad

Last year my dad decided that he would take part in the 2008 Big Ride Glacier for the American Lung Association.

This was no easy thing to take on. He has trained and logged over 3,000 miles of training this winter and spring.

Well, his adventure started this Sunday.

In addition he was supposed to raise $1,500. Well he surpassed this and raised $1,920. Here is the link to his fund raising site. Click Here.

Donations will still be accepted through August 1st.

Here is the route his trip will be taking him. For a map click here.

Day Location Day mileage Total

Sun Whitefish, Mt to Eureka, Mt 60 60

Mon Eureka, Mt to Blairmore, Ab 92 152

Tue Blairmore, Ab to Waterton Lakes National Park, Ab 70 222

Wed Waterton Lakes – Crypt Lake day hike 15 15

Thur Waterton Lakes National Park, Ab to St. Mary, Mt 50 272

Fri St. Mary, Mt. to West Glacier, Mt 54 326

Sat West Glacier, Mt. to Whitefish, Mt 49 375

Yes, $1,920 and 375 miles for a good cause.

And while I may be bias cause he is my dad, he is a Superdad.

Other people that should have quit when they were ahead...

In honor of Brett Favre un-retiring, and jerking his team around like a self-esteem shattered girlfriend, I've decided to come up with a list of people that should have quit when they were ahead...

1. Napoleon
You had almost all of Europe under control and then you decided to invade Russia. Had you ever looked at a map before invading Russia? That place isn't your normal Austria or Hungry establishment, it's freakin' gigantic and it stretches over Asia. Good call on that one.

2. Ralph Nader
No, you don't get to turn the 1.5 percent of the vote into Chucky Cheese's for prizes. Sorry.

3. Cuba Gooding Jr.
Hanes commercials playing second fiddle to Michael Jordan. Remember when you were Radio?

4. The University of Idaho Football Program
Just give it up already and switch the WCC conference.

5. Adam Morrison's Moustache
Really should have quit that a long time ago, like when it reached it's peak furry-ness at about age 11.

6. The Chicago Cubs
And we all thought Boston Red Sox fans had it bad. If you want to go back to good times at Wrigley, be prepared to start saying things like "I Like Ike" and "You're a square bear."

7. Will Ferrel
Could have done with Anchorman 3, Will, you're not fooling us by changing the theme and putting a different title on it.

8. Jose Conseco
But instead you went ahead and got the crap punched out of you in a celebrity boxing match. Wow, the twilight of your career has really taken on the same arc as ambassadors of the game such as Mark McGuire, Pete Rose and Bill Buckner.

9. Michael Jordan
Washington Wizards... nuff said.

10. Michael Jordan
Exec of the Charlotte Bobcats, with worse talent-seeking skills than Isiah Thomas. Nuff Said.

Chataqua 2008

Chewelah, the small town that I'm from, holds the same event every weekend after the 4th of July that is called Chataqua. Although after going to the event's website I noticed that I couldn't merely just show you a link of what this thing is all about.

Basically for three days, Chewelah becomes a full-out carnival with a bunch of craft booths and vendors all around our city park. Problem is, it's the same stuff every single year. There's always the guy that sells cork guns, the dude that sells sand art bottles, the weird lady that sells pipe cleaner animals and the homeless bum selling crack on the street corner.

Okay, I made that last one up.

But when you've lived in Chewelah for as long as I have (all my childhood), the event tends to loose it's luster after about the 10th year of the same stuff. So now, really I just got to Chataqua to do the follow...

1. See what people from my class got married.
2. See what people from my class got knocked up AND married.
3. See what people from my class for knocked up.
4. See what people from my class got fat but not knocked up.
5. See what people from my class got knocked up and got fat.

This year though, might be the one year I miss it because I have a friend's wedding to go to and a pesky thing I like to call "work." However, if the reading base at Just South of North would like to be part of the Chataqua experience, please shoot me an email or call me at (509) 209-1160 and encourage me to go to my hometown shindig, where I'll more than likely meet a bunch of people that I didn't really want to talk to anyways.

HOWEVER,

If I'm blogging about it and taking photos, it would make it so much better. And plus I'd just stop by the Chewelah Casino.

Finally

The Mariners are finally making some moves. Like getting rid of Richie Sexson. He has performed in years.

Read the full article HERE.

But this Mariners team has dug themselves in such a hole that they need WAY more help than just this.

Epic Video: Rick Rolled

Don't worry New York Times. It happens to the best of us. Even Mr. Burns.

Epic Video: NY Times punked by EWU student

Oh Pawly P.

Way to make the New York Times look like idiots. Well, and you have got to be the best interview ever. Not sure this deserved a whole 4:30 minutes during the news cast, must have been a slow news day.

Also, watch at 3:30. I love how the reporter is just throwing a theory out there with no proof. Maybe he should work for the New York Times.

Just watch.

How about this baseball season?

Who's ready for some thrilling suicide squeeze plays and sacrifice flies for the 2008 Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium? I know I am!

Ladies and Gentlemen, take a good look at that photo above because that's exactly where baseball is headed. No, Ty Cobb isn't getting cloned and resurrected (as much as he would like it) but get ready for another "Dead Ball" era.

Has anyone taken a gander at the 2008 Home Run Derby roster? They'd better bring the walls in.

To the infield. And make Ryan Howard bat with just one arm.

I'm not sure exactly how it happened but home runs and general offense in baseball seem down. I'm sure there's something behind it... hmmmm, cough steroids cough... like the weather or something.

How else do you explain the Tampa Bay Rays being so good? It's because they've been the only clean team in baseball for the past ten years and now apparently they've also been the best clean team in baseball for the past ten years as well.

Gonzalez saves man's life

Tony Gonzalez, the Kansas City Chiefs Pro Bowl tight end saved a mans life.

Ken Hunter was choking and Gonzalez preformed the Heimlich on him.

Here's the full article.

I just found this too be great. While most of the media is consumed with the bad things major league players are doing, it is good to see that there are still those that just do what needs to be done.

Oh, and Hunter, a lifelong Chargers fan is now a Gonzalez fan.

Hunter is a lifelong fan of the San Diego Chargers, one of Kansas City's key rivals in the AFC West, and plans to be at the game when the Chiefs visit the Chargers on Nov. 9.

"I'm Tony's No. 1 fan now," he said.

And what will this longtime follower of the Chargers do if they're ahead by four or five points in the final minute and Gonzalez runs into the end zone and leaps up for what would be the game-winning touchdown for K.C.?

"I'm going to be yelling for Tony to catch the ball," Hunter said. "I think all my friends will understand."

"That" Bar Guy

I've been sampling the Spokane nightlife the past couple of nights and one thing is apparent, "That" Bar Guy has recently found a comeback in numbers rivaling the resurgence of the Grey Wolf in Montana. So if you'd to avoid having your evening "douched-up" than I highly recommend you avoid these people.


That guy that tries to pick fights with anyone he can


Instead of going to the bar to get laid, which he desperately needs to do, he instead stands at the urinal in the bar bathroom looking for somebody to pick a fight with. If that person so much as coughs funny, this guy immediately goes to "Homophobia Deathcon 3" in which case he follows the perpetrator out to his large group of friends and starts yelling "that guy in the red shirt is trying to start some shit."


However, this guy in all of his douchebaggery, usually picks the most laid back and easy-going group of the bunch who happens to be wearing a red shirt, causing his friends to give this guy the "I hope Rosanna Barr sits on your f---ing head someday" look.


Keep in mind this guy is usually around 40 years old, balder than Gary Payton (except for the sides) and dates 16-year old girls.


That guy that dances by himself... alot.


His unfortunate attraction to music has led him to try and "Save the Last Dance." Problem is, nobody wants to dance with him and his moves look like something out of the Chris Farley/Patrick Swayze Chippendales skit.


And then when he tries to pull out the in-air spin moves, the facade of his fedora/wifebeater/tap shoes falls straight through the floor.


That guy that takes of his shirt to ride the mechanical bull


...and throws it directly on that guy that tries to pick fights with anyone he can.


That guy that has a popped collar and tan that would make an Oompa Loompa jealous


But who cares if no girls want to dance with us. There's 20 of us brosephs here and we're having the time of our lives. HIGH FIVE!!!

That guy who's apparently sunburned because his frail ginger skin can't handle the summer sun

Avoid at all costs.

Epic Video: Flag Makeover

Happy 4th of July everybody! This is from Barats and Bereta. If you haven't heard of these Gonzaga graduates check them out at there site HERE.

This skit is about giving the flag a makeover. (in case you couldn't tell by the title)

Clay Bennett, go to hell

Casey already broke the story about the Sonics moving but after seeing the press conference about the team moving on SportsCenter, I can officially say this is the worst sports day of my life.

Not the day when I got cut from the freshman baseball team in high school (at a 2A school by the way) in favor for the kid that caught the ball with his chest instead of his glove.

Not the day our JV football team wrapped up a delightful 1-11 season.

Not the day the Eastern Washington Eagles lost in the closing seconds of the Div. I-AA second-round playoff game against Sam Houston State.

The Sonics were the first team I ever followed, and even though I jumped ship a couple months ago when it was inevitable that the team would be moving, it was still painful to hear the announcement.

Hopefully Oklahoma City enjoys ripping a Seattle-landmark from the Northwest and making it their own team. There won't be another team that I will hate more now. Shoot, I'm going to start kicking back with Montana Grizzly fans, drink a couple beers and come up with new ways to rhyme Clay Bennett's name with genitalia.

Bye bye Sonics

Well, goodbye Supersonics. It's been nice knowing. Clay Bennett, not so much.

Here's the full story.

But at least they will be leaving the name, logo, colors and championship banners in Seattle. That is perhaps the only good thing that came out of this.

If you do go to the article, read the commits left by the citizens of Oklahoma City. Or at least the fans of the new team. Yeah, seems to be a very classy city. Very classy.

Epic Video: The Office

Just bought the third season of The Office. One of the greatest shows on television. Here are some of the best pranks Jim has pulled on Dwight.

If you haven't watched this show, I highly recommend it.

SOLD to Dr. Pepper

Yes, the Tampa Bay Rays are on top of the power rankings. Yes they are winning. And yes, many sports writers are saying they are for real.

But remember. This is Major League Baseball. They play about a billion games.

The season isn't half over, so there is a lot that can happen. Sure, maybe come October I'll be writing about how good the Rays are, but we will see.


A cat fish in Berlin, Germany choked to death after trying to eat a soccer ball in the locks of a Bavarian canal.

The cat was 6 1/2 feet long and was found floating on the surface with the ball in its mouth.

That is a big fish!


A bride auctioned off a chance to be a bridesmaid and Dr. Pepper won.

Kelly Gray put the idea up on Ebay with a starting bid of 1 cent.

They decided that, not only would the winner get the chance to be in Kelly's wedding, they'd also receive a dress and shoes, as well as an invitation, plus one, to the reception. If a man happened to be the winner, they'd supply the tuxedo.

Dr. Pepper Snapple won at $5,700 but then increase to $10,000.

Along with providing the beverages for the April 19, 2009 wedding, the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group will choose Kelly's bridesmaid. When asked who they'd like to fill the role, Gray and her bridesmaids agreed, Ellen DeGeneres would make a perfect choice. A smiling Gray explained, DeGeneres "would dance and have fun...I could see her dancing down the aisle."

Yeah, I am so down with doing this.