Good Morning! Just a rule of thumb...

If you don't know what is in it... don't drink it.

If the name of the drink is actually a misspelled word... don't drink it.

If you remember the last time you drank it and the result was you throwing milkshakes on public buildings in downtown Cheney... don't drink it.

If you don't remember the last time you drank it... don't drink it.

If it tastes like a cross between carbonate Capri Sun and whatever was left over in the sink last night... don't drink it.

How to tell if you had an epic night

So you cant remember what happen the night before. You wake up and there's a pineapple on your nightstand and you have a hangover that feels like a midget is sitting on your head. Did you have a good night? Should you be worried the police will be coming to your doorstep to get their car back?

Here's some good signs that you had an epic night on the town.

1. There's a text conversation between you and your friend about how you don't think people appreciated your Dave Roberts slide from the 2004 ALCS impression on the dance floor.

2. You have shards of Christmas ornaments in your mouth.

3. You have a dart in your left shoulder.

4. There's a large collection of "Street Closed" signs in your apartment when you wake up.

5. Your computer was left on and the last webpage that was open was a travel service confrimation order for a plane ticket to Spain.

6. You wake up wearing a suit, and you didn't go out the night before in a suit.

If you experience any of those, congrats, you had an epic night. Hopefully you were safe and you now don't have a warrent out for your arrest.

Diana Taurasi could outdrink me

Whoah, if I had the same blood-alcohol level as Diana Taurasi when she was pulled over in Phoenix for a DUI - I'd probably be begging for a bucket at a Zips somewhere while trying to eat a Big Zipper to soak up all the booze.

PHOENIX -- Mercury star Diana Taurasi faces three drunken driving related charges, including extreme DUI, for a July 2 incident in which she also was cited for speeding.

A Phoenix police report released Tuesday shows Taurasi's blood-alcohol level was 0.17 percent, or more than twice the Arizona legal limit of 0.08 percent.

The 27-year-old guard was cited hours after she scored 22 points in the Mercury's 93-81 victory over the Seattle Storm.

Taurasi pleaded not guilty to the DUI charges and not responsible to the speeding citation.

A police officer who stopped Tauarsi's vehicle after seeing it drift outside a traffic lane near downtown Phoenix claims she was driving nearly 20 mph over the 35 mph limit.

Well at least she wasn't driving with Steve Urkel...

Reasons why you're still single... getting old

I'm officially putting drinking on my Murtaugh list of things I'm too old to do. Apparently my body decided to skip the whole feeling buzzed thing and go directly into hangover mode in a span of 20 minutes. Well at least when I woke up this morning for bingo I felt great...

Dying to Diet

I didn't know that this was an actual diet, but apparently this was something I should have engaged in to cut down on the food bill.

The idea of forgoing food in favor of alcohol isn't new. Dieters everywhere cower in fear of carbs; but alcohol, gram for gram, has even more calories than carbohydrates do. For many people, this creates a dilemma: If you want to restrict calories, you have to cut back on either food or booze. For a college student or 20-something who wants to party and have a good time yet still have a bikini body, the choice is obvious.

The result is a trend among young people, particularly young women, called drunkorexia—restricting food calories to make room for drink calories. The practice is widespread: 30 percent of women between 18 and 23 diet so they can drink, according to one study.

People haven't you heard of light beer? That's really the key to everything. That, and drinking so much that you throw up whatever you had for dinner. It's perfect! You don't even need to stop eating because it really doesn't stay down anyways.

Okay, so that was a bit mean, but I did like the mention in the article about the "coffee, water, alcohol and cigarettes diet" which makes me laugh because roughly 95 percent of journalists are already on that diet anyway. They just throw in the occasional BK Quad.

Welcome to college

It's been an interesting past couple of days at the Harvard of the West Plains, Eastern Washington University. First, we had this huge budget crisis with the students which resulted in me going into uber-collegiate journalist mode.

Which basically means I put a dress shirt on for the first time in a year.

And then throw on classes, tests, papers and the normal hoops and firepits and I think I've had exactly three wonderful hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.

But, like, isn't this the normal college thing to do? I think that colleges get it all wrong when they market their school. Brochures usually have happy professors, lush green campuses (which by the way, is under snow during five months out of the year in Washington) and smiling students in co-ed dorm rooms.

Come on, that's fine if you're trying to sell a retirement community room to someone. Here's what schools should really being using to market themselves.

What would a school do with a legendary rock band? Have them be your spokesmen. Who else would be better suited to talk about partying everynight, getting sleep deprived, probably doing some sort of nasty drug and then live to tell about it?

That's right. Rock Stars.

So Universities, before you spend millions of dollars on a marketing campaign that's about as interesting as Carson Daly's late night show, you might want to look into marketing the fact that most college students develop all their health problems and addictions while in school.

I mean who wouldn't want to go to your institution then?