Why Matt Stairs is a bad ass

For those of you that think everyone in baseball took steroids (except for Derek Jeter) I present to you the curious case of Matt Stairs.

The Phillies hitter not only looks like he belongs at a McDonalds (on a daily basis, large-sizing everything) but he also has facial hair that would make players from the 1970s smirk a little. Anytime he's up to bat during the World Series, I drop everything and watch him for the sheer comedic value.

And then I ran across the quote he said about steroids.

“People are going to have to stop taking this health bulls*** and go back to being chubby and having fun.”

God Bless Matt Stairs.

Baseball fans are more money-grubbing than the players

After listening to Colin Cowherd on ESPN radio this morning spar with words against Joe Blow American over this Ryan Howard/Phillies lawsuit, it makes me think that this country is just full of a bunch of overweight losers looking for the best way to make money quick.

When 12-year-old Jennifer Valdivia caught the Philadelphia Phillies' Ryan Howard's 200th career home run earlier this summer, it sparked a legal battle. The Phillies approached the girl immediately after her catch, and traded it for a signed, regular ball. Her attorney, Norm Kent, sued Monday for Valdivia to get back the original ball. By Monday afternoon, the ball was hers again. Kent shares the story.

Cowherd took the viewpoint that basically players don't like fans for this reason... many are just looking to profit from them. After hearing call after call from people complaining saying "Oh that ball could put my kids through college" or "I'm a truck driver and I need the money" ... I've come to the conclusion that Americans are morons.

They actually view going to a baseball game as a capitalist venture. I've seen this first hand with jock sniffers hanging around the Spokane Indians ballpark trying to sell guy's first professional home run ball at a significant markup. Or stealing bats from the RACKS IN THE DUGOUT and selling them online. No joke, these are the kind of people that go to baseball games.

Cowherd further went on saying that if he were a professional athlete he wouldn't sign any autographs for people over the age of 30. Why? Cause they're going to take that ball and make a profit.

People went crazy. "It's our right!" "It's capitalism!" "Those players make millions of dollars, what does it matter to them that I profit off of them!"

If you seriously plan on making something of a living or any financial game by leeching off of professional athletes, I really feel you should be just locked in your mom's basement. There are some serious issues with the priorities of people if they see this as a way to make financial gains.

Back to the Howard story. That ball means something to Howard. The girl GAVE THE BALL BACK TO HIM. And all of a sudden there's a lawsuit (probably by her parents. Not sure how many 12-year olds file lawsuits). Now this ball probably is not going to fetch a whole lot of money on the open market, because the only real big money balls are things like Bonds milestone home runs or something that has to do with Mark McGwire. This is a case where the ball means more to the ballplayer than the kid who would probably lose it in the yard a few weeks later. The kid gave it back, Phillies actually treated her very nicely and then her parents though they might profit off a lawsuit.

Disgusting. You people make me sick. Go back to Walmart where you buy stuff, use it and then return it in 30 days.

Pigs.

Epic Video: Jack Nicholson vs. the Phillie Phanatic

The Phillie Phanatic strikes again, this time Jack Nicholson was the victim. That's what he gets for wearing a Yankees hat.

Epic Photo: 3-D.....ave Bush

Meet Dave Bush of somebody's Milwaukee Brewers. This is a picture of him in action yesterday when he took a no-hitter into the 8th inning against the reigning World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies. Even though Bush lost the no-hitter and the shutout on a Matt Stairs solo home run, the Brewers still won the game 6-1.

Phillies vs. Braves stat tracker

We like mascots here at Just South of North and since Major League Baseball kicked off it's 2009 season at the home of one of the best mascots ever: Philadelphia, I decided to do a stat tracker for all of you that missed the Atlanta Braves beat the defending World Series Champions Phillies 4-1.

1 mass booing of Brett Myers by Philadelphia fans after everyone and their dog hit a home run off him in the season opener.

2 fan interference calls on Philadelphia fans. You stay classy.

1 fan getting stared down by the ump like a recess monitor stares down the kid that just kamikaze killed somebody in a rousing game of dodgeball.

1 fan saying he didn't touch the ball even though the replay showed he made a better play on the ball than Manny Ramirez ever has.

2 old-man multi-vitamin commercials shown during the game, meaning that ESPN must be trying to market towards Casey and I.

1 fluffy, light hearted in-between inning interview with Atlanta hitting coach Terry Pendleton.

1 chippy and akward in-between inning interview with Philadelphia hitting coach Milt Thompson. What a difference four runs make.

2 Philadelphia Phanatic sightings

1 umpire dancing with the Phanatic I'm wondering how many people actually wondered if this was a real ump, because when he ripped off his clothes to reveal a Phillies uniform, that should of stopped the speculation right there. However, this is actually quite normal in the NBA.

1 home run by Jordan Schafer in his firt at-bat as a major leaguer. Last year his missed 50 games in the minor leagues for the Braves due to suspension after testing positive for HGH. Glad to see he's clean now, right?

99 players who have accomplished Schafer's feat of homering in their first major league at-bat. Still working on finding out how many of them were suspended for using HGH.

3rd Grade Apparently where they found Jordan Schafer. He doesn't exactly look like he's been juicing. Unless he's juicing with Hi-C.

2 times the ESPN announcer Jon Miller called him Logan Schaffer.

There you have it, and if you want to see the official box score of the game, and just how awesome Braves' pitcher Derek Lowe was, CLICK HERE.

Football fans are posers

The MLB opens the 2009 season today with Atlanta taking on the defending World Series champions Philadelphia Phillies (which sounds really weird, actually). No doubt that hardcore baseball fans are absolutely going bonkers and if anyone pukes on your lawn today its because somebody played the Bud Selig drinking game while watching the opener.

Now that being said, I know a lot of football fans that scoff at baseball as if it should be a sport that retirees play. Please.

Everyone loves football. Everyone talks about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best sport - just the most popular - it's just really easy to talk about football because the games are once a week, you only have to track 16 games, and you can refer to a few key players on your roster and then throw out some "the team" statements and congrats - you're now talking sports out your butt.

That guy that always seems to "miss" the games of his favorite team (as in he doesn't really give a crap about sports, but he wants be able to fit in with his buddies) can always watch the highlights and talk like he's been a season ticket holder for years. That's just the way football is - it's built and catered towards the casual fan.

Now baseball - that's a sport you have to have dedication and moxie to follow. There's 162-games to follow, with them being played every single day. Run across somebody that can talk baseball and you've got yourself a serious fan.

Meanwhile casual football fan will start sputtering after a while and confuse Curt Warner with Kurt Warner...

I'm convinced that football is only the most popular sport because it's the most convenient of sports. So the next time I see a guy wearing a Giants jersey and a Jets hat in Northtown, I'll let him know a piece of my mind.

Brief Casey: Let it all hang out

Outdoor sports can sometimes be taken to the extreme. Whether it be the off-road unicyclist, the dirt track skate boarder or the naked hiker in the back country. Eventually every sport that is done under the sun will....wait...did you just say "naked hiker?"

Why yes I did. And since we're on the topic allow me to explain. Mountain hikers in the Swiss canton of Appenzell-Innerrhoden will now be fined 200 Swiss francs, or $170, if they are caught wandering through the Fields of Music in the buff.

Apparently this is becoming a huge, growing (no pun intended) problem in the area. Yes, naked hiking.

I found it hard to believe. I mean, try wandering nude around here in the mountains and your family jewels would be covered in mosquito bites faster than you could pull your pants back up. Although if I'm ever in that area, with an extra $170, I might have to give it a go.

It seems a lot of people do. I found tons of blogs talking about how "invigorating" and "natural" and even "free" it felt.

I do a lot of camping, backpacking and kayaking. And I must say, if I ever ran into someone backpacking in the middle of the woods stark naked, I would be surprised.


Speaking of being surprised, a woman in Salt Lake City stopped a criminal by giving him a headlock and a wedgie. No joke.

Yvonne Morris, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital, said she chased a man who broke into a co-worker's car, but he kept squirming away from her.

She finally caught him, grabbed onto his boxers and gave them a yank. See kids, that is why you don't wear those stupid pants that let your underwear hangout. You'll get caught by them.


And since we're on the topic of underwear, the city of Philadelphia may want some to cover their butthead move.

From March 6 through the 15, the city will be hosting the Philly Beer Week. This is a festival which celebrates local breweries and taverns.

To help prevent drinking and driving, the City Transit System decided to sell discount passes for those attending the event. The passes were printed up and being looked over when it finally dawned on someone the problem.

Instead of a skyline of part of Philadelphia (the city hosting the event) the passes show part of the New York City skyline. Nice work people.

Anyway it goes, that's it. Case Closed.

A look at the Golden Glove winners in the AL

Major League Baseball has announced its golden glove winners for the 2008 season and one of the most "shocking" developments is that there are two Seattle Mariners on the roster.

Adrian Beltre - 3B - I'm a hundred percent behind this one, Beltran made some pretty impressive grabs over the season. Another thing that he did was (like it or not) was eat the ball if there wasn't going to be a play at first. You didn't see too many errant throws from Beltre but there were a couple of times I though he should have at least tried to make the play.

Ichiro Suzuki - OF - Well you cant beat his arm and his speed, and he got plenty of fielding chances with the fantastic Mariners' pitching staff.

With them getting named to the AL team it also shows you don't need defense to win games. In the Phillies case, you need a couple of guys that can hit the crap out of the ball, some pitchers who get hot at the right time and Tampa Bay to make the world Series.