Headlines: I'm on a Boat! And it's near a Volcano! Crap!

How can you live in the Northwest and not love to talk about Volcanoes. I dunno, in fact, I wanted to study volcanoes before I learned how much school that would require and that I do suck at science experiments. Ask Casey, I burnt his eyebrows off once.

Anyways, a cool volcanic event is happening at the moment, as an undersea volcanoes erupting near the island of Tonga in the South Pacific. That's right, the Earth is baby-making right now and we can all watch it.

And while the volcano is blowing up, so is March Madness! I don't have a link but I will let you know that I did very well in my bracket yesterday with the exception of Western Kentucky upsetting Illinois. Other than that I was pretty darn happy but dreading the horrible day that awaits today because luck in the NCAA Tournament usually doesn't last two days in a row when it comes to brackets.

There is a tent city in Sacramento ... say hello to familiar images of the Great Depression. Now all that's missing is a pet monkey that can play the cymbals for spare change.

A judge ruled that you can't carry a loaded gun in national parks, meaning that Smokey the Bear will not be packing heat anymore.

We be havin' lots of babies out of wedlock. Well who can afford condom's these days?

A Dallas High School principal was having his kids cagefight... for the enjoyment of the school staff. REALLY? This is why I don't go to Texas, it's messed up down there.

And the Spokane Shock won their exhibition game this last Wednesday, meaning that they'll probably already do better than the Seahawks this year.

You know it's a bad economy when...

Since it's a wonderful, chilly morning in Spokane, I've decided you write up a cheery article about that little thing we like to call the "economy" which has apparently decided to go to Weight Watchers here recently.

You know it's a bad economy when...

1. The local newspaper publishes an article that talks about the good old times during "The Great Depression". What a wonderful pick-me-up!

2. Debbie Downer is a motivational speaker.

3. Wall Street brokers are now shopping at Walmart.

4. Auto Makers are now thinking that making gas-guzzling vehicles that nobody wants might be a bad idea. A clue, Sherlock!

5. Immigrants are saying "You know what? I think I'm actually good here."

6. David Letterman's Top Ten List has been trimmed down to eight because of budget concerns.

7. Monday Night Football is just Monday Night now. However, happy hour at bars still remain during the game.

8. CEO's have to cancel that space tourist trip they were planning.

9. Monster Trucks have been scaled down to "Pretty Big Trucks."

10. NASCAR is now racing with hybrids.

Any other suggestions?

Headlines from around the world

This current crisis is not "The Great Depression" - you can always trust are media with delivering the most cheeriest of stories. Yay! We aren't in the worst economic downturn of the last 100 years. Hooray!

Pirates too slow for cruise ship - Somebody needs to do something about the pirates off Somalia, although don't worry too much because they have slow boats...

NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) - The luxury American cruise ship teeming with hundreds of tourists just might have been too much for the Somali pirates to resist.

But the bandits, riding in two skiffs and firing rifle shots at the gleaming ship, were outrun in minutes when the captain of M/S Nautica gunned the engine and sped away in the Gulf of Aden, a spokesman for the company said Tuesday.

How the heck do you get outrun by a cruise ship? "Cruise" ship. As in, not going really fast ship.

This sounds like something that would happen to me - Wounded deer attacks hunter.

Good thing it was still warm - I mean if you're going to throw something at your girlfriend it might as well be a sweet potato pie.

Company is selling trips to edge of space - No word yet if the ships will be piloted by monkeys.