Giant burger doesn't need a warning label

Ask anyone who knows me and they will be able to tell you that my all-time favorite food is a hamburger.

Onetime at 9 AM at IHOP I ordered a hamburger. That's how much I love them. I saw I could have a burger for breakfast (despite being in the International House Of Pancakes) I knew I had to have a burger.

Oh how I love them.

Well, the West Michigan Whitecaps have come up with my type of burger. The Whitecaps are an single-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. And this burger is epic.

Here's what it is:

A 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips — all on an 8-inch bun.

Oh man, the next Northern Rangers video has got to be me traveling to Michigan to eat that burger. (Yes, that is the real picture of it)

But the main problem with the burger isn't simply that it offers 4,800-calories, it's the health nuts that want a warning label slapped on it.

The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine sent a letter to the club saying that the club should put a warning label on the burger stating that eating it would increase the chances of cancer and heart disease.

No frikin' way! I never knew that eating a burger that contained FIVE patties, FIVE cheese slices, salsa, chili and corn chips was bad for me.

How dumb do they think people are? If I'm paying $20 for a burger, I want to eat it. I don't want to first read about how bad it is for me. That's part of the fun.

(Sung to the tune of Take me out to the ballgame)

Take me out to the ballgame....

Take me out with the crowd....

Buy me a giant hamburger....

I don't care if I have a heart attack.....

For it's squirt, squirt, squirt of the ketchup....

If I don't eat all of this burger it's a shame....

For it's 1, 2, 3 bites of goodness....

At the ol' ball game!

Outside Magazine

I was stuck in the airport awhile back, and got bored. Very bored. Like start to count the number of rolling bags in the terminal bored.

Deciding I might be looking like a homeless man who just came in from the cold (yes, it was very cold outside, and yes, I haven't gotten a haircut in far too long) I decided to prove to the terminal workers that I indeed could buy stuff. So I decided to purchase a magazine.

I headed over to the incredible wall of magazines the clerk had. No joke, have you seen that selection? It makes a Barnes & Noble look understocked. Anyway, I started perusing through the magazines. Did you catch that? Perusing. That's my word of the day. Hope I used it right.

There I was, looking through magazine, after magazine. When I came across Outside. Now I have always been a lover of the outdoors. And one day I hope that I can get paid to write about them. But I figured, hey, until then why not read other people who DO get paid to write about their adventures.

I cruised back over to my bench. Now I looked like a homeless guy who came in from the cold and happened to find a magazine. I started reading. And I must say. I was impressed.

And then I found the insert between the pages. You know, those dumb postcards that readers either use as bookmarks or just throw away. Yeah, one of those. I looked at it, and realized that I had just found the legendary Golden Ticket that Charlie craved for. I had found my Golden Ticket.

For there, written in normal Times New Roman font was the words. For a subscription, fill out and return.

Now you're probably thinking, "Hey Casey, what is the point of this story?" Well I tell you, I'm getting there.

For it wasn't those words that turned that simple postcard into my Golden Ticket, but rather the words that were printed below it. They said, "A three year subscription, 36 magazines, for $36."

Now that is a deal. I had been getting letter after letter from Sports Illustrated, saying I needed to renew now or else. They even went so far as to threaten they would make Brett Favre come back another year if I didn't renew. Sorry guys. I didn't. And I won't.

The main reason is that while over the past four years of receiving SI, I did enjoy it. But not enough to renew my subscription for $80 for a year. I understand that it's a magazine a week. But that is just crazy for me to pay. I'll stick with my ESPN magazine. I kinda like the larger pages anyway, not to mention the cheaper prices. And now I'll have Outside. A buck an issue. For a great magazine. That is all this kid could ask for.