St. Patrick's Day: The myths and facts of St. Patrick

Fox News being the right-wing, Catholic propaganda machine that they are, came up with a list of myths and facts about St. Patrick. So before you tip back a pint of green beer, check out these little nuggets of info.

1. The potato crop was traditionally planted in Ireland after March 17. 

Whereas potato chips are on sale year round!

2. Blue not green is the color originally associated with St Patrick. “St Patrick’s Blue” is used on Ireland's Presidential Standard or flag, while the Irish Guards sport a plume of St Patrick’s blue in their bearskins. The emphasis on green is thought to be linked to “wearing the Green”, a symbol from the 18th century on, of sympathy with Irish independence.

What if St. Patrick went for a more flamboyant look, like plaid or sparkles. That would have changed the very make up of our society.

3. St Patrick is patron of fishermen in the Loire, where a legend associates him with a blackthorn bush. The saint is said to have slept beneath it, and when he awoke the next day, Christmas, the bush flowered, and was said to have continued to do so every Christmas until its destruction during the First World War.

Okay, what idiot destroyed the bush is what I want to know. Was is an overzealous gardener or was someone having a little too much fun with a blow torch. (Casey will tell you all about playing with blow torches)

4. A regiment of the Mexican army in the 1846 -8 War between Mexico and America was named after St Patrick. Members of the Batellón de San Patricio included Afro-Americans freshly liberated from the slave plantations of the South, and the soldiers were granted Mexican citizenship afterwards.

What if your regiment was named after Tax Day. Would you not be the most maligned unit in the entire army?

5. The first St Patrick’s Day parade took place in 1737 in Boston, followed in 1762 by New York. George Washington allowed his soldiers a holiday on March 17, 1780 as “an act of solidarity with the Irish in their fight for independence.”

And we're pretty sure traffic was lousy in Boston back then too.

6. Until the 1970’s, all pubs were shut in Ireland on St Patrick’s Day, and the sole venue selling drink the annual dog show. Lenten fasting – and the obligation to abstain from meat – were lifted on the day, which most families would begin with Mass.

No word yet on if they went for the double cheeseburger or the Whopper. I'd go with the Whopper.

7. St Patrick’s Day is a public holiday in Ireland and also in Monserrat "the Emerald Isle of the Carribean,” so called because it was settled in 1633 by Irish migrants from St Kitts.

Label that under "places on Earth I had no idea existed."

8. According to legend, on the day of Judgement, while Christ judges all other nations, St Patrick will be the judge of the Irish.

Well I mean, that sounds like a busy job. I'm sure he needs help. And by the way if you need somebody to judge 20-somethings just out of college with plenty of student loans to pay off - Casey and I would be more than willing to pitch in and pardon everybody.

9. Since 1962, tons of green dye are tipped on St Patrick’s Day into the Chicago river, although the quantity has reduced, for environmental reasons, from 100 to 40.

How could tons of green dye be bad for the enviroment? Where do you think Casey got his sixth finger on his right hand?

10. Should you wish to carry on celebrating St Patrick after March 17, in the United States, you might visit the four Shamrocks in the USA including Mount Gay-Shamrock, W.Va or the nine cities named Dublin, including Dublin, Ohio (the largest Dublin in the U.S.) and Dublin, Georgia.

And why isn't there a Dublin, Wash? I mean, it is the EverGREEN state. Lame. 

Arsonist torching green Ford Escorts

If you drive a green 1990s model Ford Escort I have some advice for you: Stay away from Medford, Oregon.

Now this advice may seem strange, but honestly it is for your own good. For you see, there is a arsonist among the streets of Medford targeting green Ford Escorts made in the '90s.

There have been three cases of green Ford Escorts being destroyed by flames in last few weeks. The first instance was on February 2. The victim was a 1992 edition of the car. A flammable liquid was lit near the tire of the car to start the fire.

The next case happened a few weeks later on February 22. This time the victim was a 1993 edition. Someone had broken a window the car and poured the flammable liquid inside.

The most recent case happened just Sunday, March 1. The victim this time was a 1995 model that was burnt in the same method as the second.

Now I have watched my share of crime shows. So I'm going to take a stab at solving this one. Maybe you've seen "Criminal Minds" on CBS.

Welcome to "Criminal Minds: the Just South of North Edition"

First off we need the facts. Here's what we know:

-The person has a thing against '90s green Ford Escorts
-They like fire
-They target cars in Medford, Oregon
-Their attacks are becoming more frequent
-They can afford to buy matches
-And they can afford to buy gas (since that is probably the flammable liquid)

At this point the TV stars usually try to pinpoint the "type" of person they are looking for.

From the information that we know, here is what I have come up with:

-The person starting these fires is female. She was recently dumped by her cheating boyfriend. He happened to drive an early to mid green Ford Escort. He lives in Medford, Oregon. He actually spent all of his money on the car and loved the thing more than he loved her (see the dumb looking "pimped" out car in the photo above). While they were together, he always used the Paris Hilton line of "That's Hot" while talking about his car. She has decided that she will make his car really hot, and by doing so extract her revenge on not just the cheating boyfriend, but the car that she hated so much too.

The first car was his. She burnt it up, just like the plan was. The problem was that her feelings for him didn't go up in smoke like the car. Every time she saw a green '90s Ford Escort her rage built and she knew she had to watch it burn. It now has turned into an addiction.

What we are dealing with here is a woman scorn.

I am sure that I am way off on my profile, but hey, I figure if they can do it on TV I can do it too. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go be like Jackass and roll off the roof in a shopping cart.

Sounder Blue, Rave Green and Cascade Shale

I have finally done it. I have figured out why the Sonics are leaving the city of Seattle. It's because of their team colors. Green and gold just can't cut it in this town.

This was made clear with the unveiling of the logo for the new MLS franchise in Seattle. The Seattle Sounders FC. Their colors are the true colors that represent this city. Blue and green.

Now it wasn't always this way, two colors defining a city. And honestly, we owe it all to the Seahawks.

In 1976 the Seahawks came to town. When they showed their logo for the first time it was established. These colors are the Pacific Northwest. Royal blue and green.

Then in 1977 the Mariners were born. For their choice they opted for Royal blue and gold. Oh so close.

It took them until 1993 to figure out that gold didn't belong in this town. That's when they changed their colors to navy blue and Northwest green. Yes, even a color specific for the area.

In 2002 the Seahawks followed with the logo change. Now they don Seahawks blue, dark navy blue and bright green.

So hats off to the Sounders. They knew what this city likes in team colors.

The official team colors are Sounder Blue, representing the waters of the Puget Sound; Rave Green, representing the forests of the Pacific Northwest; and Cascade Shale, representing the Cascade Range to the east of Seattle.

So as the Sonics leave for Oklahoma, MLS comes to the Northwest. And with blue and green for team colors, its sure the Sounders will be here for many years to come.