So the Red Sox needed a bat...

And they got it. Say hello to Victor Martinez...

AVG.
.284

HR
15

RBI
67

I wonder since Martinez is a catcher/first baseman if we'll see Varitek see less playing time. He is the captain of the team but he's not a force at the plate. Then if Martinez plays first and they shift Youkilis over to third, what happens to Mark Lowell?

By the way, this is a good problem to have.

They also got first baseman Casey Kotchman, who's stats look like this:

AVG.
.282

HR
6

RBI
41

In all this wheeling and dealing, they had to ship off Adam LaRoche (who had been in Boston for a week), Justin Masterson and a couple of prospects but I like how the Sox are buying. This is just what Boston needed and even though they now have something like four possible first basemen, he'll add a little pop to the lineup.

For most people this is garble, for me I'm geeking out slightly.

And how about the Mariners? Not only are they selling - getting rid of Washburn (who, honestly, is having a fluke year) - but they're getting some goods in return with Luke French and Mauricio Robles. Here's the USS Mariner's reaction to the trade:

Awesome. French is Washburn – a strike throwing flyball lefty who fits Safeco perfectly and should slide in as a nice back-end starter. He just doesn’t cost any money, and we have him for the next six years. That they threw in Robles, a 20-year-old lefty with a ton of strikeouts in A-ball, is just gravy.

This is a fantastic deal. The M’s didn’t even get worse. It’s 50-50 on who pitches better the next two months, French or Washburn. And, of course, we get to keep French next year without paying anything for him.

Seahawks start training camp

The Seahawks kicked off training camp today, which means football season is just around the corner. Casey and I are predicting that our overall productivity will decrease, females will cease to see us in the social scene and Matt Hasselbeck will be getting odd phone calls at 3 a.m.

Woo! Football is almost here!

To the media ripping David Ortiz... suck it!

Thank you Dylan Kitzan, you pretty much summed up exactly what I was thinking about the Ortiz saga:

...to the media. Hey fellas (this means you Howard Bryant, Dan Shaughnessy, Jay Mariotti, etc.), why don't you give the whole "2004 and 2007 are tainted" claim a break. Yeah, I understand you're desperate for readership and everyone who isn't a Sox fan (and some who are and want to sulk) is going to be on your article like a Yanks fan on "1918" chants in 2003, but that doesn't mean your argument is correct. If you'd like to name me one team that wouldn't have an asterisk next to a World Series title since the turn of the century, I'll be glad to agree with you that Boston should. But since it's generally assumed that just about everybody and their kids were on steroids at some point within the last decade, why does Boston stand out from everybody else? I'm not justifying what Ortiz, or any of the other BoSox did, but let's not be too quick to jump on their championships when we live in a world where no championships would be clean.

Last night I was laying awake thinking about what I would do if a Yankees fan came up to me and said that 2004 and 2007 were tainted. The only possible course of action that seems logical is to get into a fight because New York fans are smug and are only taking joy out of this because they have had very little to cheer about in this decade. They're also completely irrational and try to be jack-offs on purpose, which deserves a butt-whipping. This is what I think about at night, I know, I need to get a girlfriend.

I mean these delighted Yankee fans are the ones that ten years ago were saying "You know, this Red-Sox/Yankees rivalry isn't really a rivalry because we always beat them." and now they're doing the bathroom dance after Ortiz has been fingered as a steroid user. You've got to have your nose pretty far up your own behind to do something like that.

Anyone want to fight?

Commuting Crusade: Chick music

One day you realize that as you are driving to work at 5:30 in the morning that you are singing to this song:



That's when the truth really hits you. You like chick music.

No, you don't just like chick music, you actually sing along and overtime have somehow learned all the words to the songs.

Crap.

Epic Video: Worst Fight Scene Ever

No wonder the Original Star Trek only lasted three seasons.

Fredy Montero going back to Columbia?

This would ruin not only my day, but my week, if Fredy Montero was called back to his Colombian team. Here's the latest from the Seattle Times blog.

Not much, but the official word from the team is that it has not yet received notification from the Colombian soccer federation about a callup of Montero for any international friendlies. The report that came out about the subject could be a list of player the federation can choose from to fill slots on the team. Hard to say for sure, but as of this moment Montero isn't going anyhere.

But... it is a possibility. We'll see what happens when his team has a slot open and needs an extra push during the season. Will Montero go David Beckham on us and leave during the season? Hope not.

This is my hero, and she plays horseshoes

Apparently Spokane is the horseshoes hotbed of Washington State, and we have the Lebron James of horseshoes sitting in our backyard.

On a sizzling summer evening, Kaiti Reeves demonstrated the form that made her a champion. She wrinkled her sunburned nose, drew her arm back, leaned to the right, and sent a horseshoe sailing through the air. With a clink, it hit the stake.

“That’s a ringer,” she said.

The 16-year-old Shadle Park High School student is the Washington state Girls Junior horseshoe champion. Quite an accomplishment since she’s only played for a little over a year.

“I took the state championship from a girl who’d been playing since she was 10,” Reeves said.

While league pitching is new to her, the backyard version of the game is one of her childhood memories. “We always played horseshoes when we went camping,” she said.

This definitely makes me want to go out and start plating horseshoes again. I was quite the ringer when I was a little child. Is there a professional horseshoes league somewhere?

Hot Hot Hot Wings from hell

Listen, I like spicy food. Since about sophomore year in college I've been slowly ramping up the spice scale. Starting with Mexican food, Thai food, whatever I could get my hands on.

Last night, I found my Mt. Everest. I found my Ali vs. Frasier. I found my beating the New York Yankees.

And like an Aaron Boone home run, the Code 6 hot wings at Flamin' Joes in Spokane, Wash. seriously kicked my royal A**.

I frequent their Code 3s, and last night I figured I would check out one wing of the Code 6s. ONE WING. That's it.

I took one bite and my mouth was immediately filled with a heat from the sun. And it didn't go away for 45 minutes. One bite, and I nearly died. Luckily I got somebody to finish the wing for $5. Best $5 I ever spent.

Seriously, go to Joes and test your manhood.

Northern Rangers: Beat the Heat

The Seattle, Washington area had over 100 degree weather yesterday. And the Northern Rangers had planned to hike up a mountain. But instead, we decided to beat the heat another way.

Hopefully Matt Nichols is not on steroids

Thank you Dave Cook, there's nothing like sending me a little good news via email after Ortiz-gate.

On the cusp of breaking Eastern Washington University's career records for passing and total offense, senior quarterback Matt Nichols has been selected by The Sports Network as a preseason candidate for the Walter Payton Award given to the top player in the NCAA Football Championship Subdivision.

A 33-game starter for the Eagles, Nichols was named to the Payton Watch List for the second-straight season after earning All-America honors and Big Sky Conference Offensive MVP accolades as a sophomore in 2007. The 2005 graduate of West Valley High School in Cottonwood, Calif., earned honorable mention All-Big Sky honors a year ago, and enters his senior season with 8,786 yards passing, 9,376 yards of total offense and 63 touchdown passes in his career.

In other words, EWU quarterback Matt Nichols is really, really, really freakin good. I thought I had seen the best QB in school history when Erik Meyer was under center but Nichols might surpass him. While he wont have as much post-season success - that's kind of unfair because of the NCAA infractions slapped on the school this past year.

Oh and Nichols can grow one badass beard. Seriously, he looks like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Come late August, he'd better have a Peter Griffen-esque beard otherwise I will not be happy.

Shaq should become a professional wrestler

Again, did I ever mention how much I find Shaq entertaining?

Another swift kick below the belt

Here's a twitter post from a Yankees fan.

It's like Christmas morning for Yankee fans: 2004* 2007*

What's the tallest building in Spokane? I'm jumping from it.

Reasons why you're still single... Red Sox Roids

Even though the steroids accusations won't change the way how you feel about the Red Sox 2004 World Series championship - you're day has been completely ruined because of the news that Manny and Ortiz were roiders when they played for the Sox.

Looks like someone is getting really drunk tonight. Yankee fans beware!

JustSON writer on steroids

Since apparently everyone has done steroids, I've become very suspicious towards Casey.

You see the photo to the right? This is how Casey looked five years ago when he went to school at Eastern Washington University. Now I don't want to make an accusations or anything because he never tested positive for drugs during his college career but this does bring up a red flag.

I'd also like to point out that Casey was known to dabble in professional wrestling and was quite the power hitter in office softball games. Even though I was the one that put on 40 pounds between my freshman year of college and now - I would also like to state that in office softball games I couldn't get the thing out of the outfield and I have more chins that Ken Griffey Jr.

Casey = PEDs, Brandon = Hot Pockets.

Question though, if Casey is indeed on the roids, who lives longer?

More bad news about the Red Sox

I guess we saw this coming and I guess it's not 100 percent credible since the source isn't official but "lawyers with knowledge of the results"...

Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, the sluggers who propelled the Boston Red Sox to end an 86-year World Series championship drought and to capture another title three years later, were among the roughly 100 Major League Baseball players to test positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, according to lawyers with knowledge of the results.

Weren't these tests supposed to be anonymous? Whatever, it doesn't really bug me that much since the amount of steroid use all around baseball was off the charts anyways, this doesn't really tarnish the championships of the Red Sox.

And if any Yankee fan wants to say otherwise, should I start listing off the great Yankee players that tested positive for steroids as well. Lets just say the great New York Dynasty of the 90s was fueled by needles and chemicals. Now lets get ready for all those sports writers on Around the Horn to start thumping their chests about steroids and morality and crap like that.

Even though they wont mention that the Steel Curtain of the 1970s was as about 'roided up as you can get. Love these NFL suck-ups.

I figured out how to solve the Red Sox woes...

He's still frozen right? Time to plop him in the microwave and give the Boston Red Sox a hall of fame bat in their struggling lineup. We probably could also put Brad Penny in the microwave just for fun as well.

By the way the Sox are three and a half games behind the New York Yankees in the AL East. Oh happy day! (Shoots self in head)

Epic Photo: Lightning in Spokane

Lightning on Spokane's South Hill. Thanks KREM 2's own Tim Lewis!

... summer thunderstorms in Spokane are freakin' awesome. Just ask Casey and his 109-degree weather in Seattle.

Well this is just plain gross...

You know, a story like this really doesn't help the reputation of the South.

A South Carolina man was busted for having sex with a horse, while on probation for having sex with the same horse.

Rodell Vereen, 50, was arrested Monday night in the throes of bestiality by the filly's shotgun-toting owner, who also has video surveillance of the perverse act.

"When they arrested him before I thought that was the end of it," said Barbara Kenley, who caught Vereen in the middle of his romp in the hay with her 21-year-old horse, Sugar.

Well I guess South Carolina can challenge Virginia for state slogans with "SC is for horse lovers"

Ziiiing!

But seriously, I'm going to go puke now.

And for some reason, I'm happy I'm in Spokane

It's going to be in the cool 80s today. Meanwhile over on the west side of the state...

"July 29, 2009 looks to be a day that will be written about in Seattle weather history books for years to come," wrote KIRO 7 meteorologist Sam Argier in his forecast. He said he expects the high to top out at 101 degrees.

"The current all-time record high is 100 degrees and has been set twice, back on July 20, 1994 at Sea-Tac Airport and on July 16, 1941, when records were kept downtown at the Federal Building," Argier wrote. "Records for Seattle go all the way back to 1891, so this is a truly historic event."

Let me extend my feelings of sorrow to all the west siders that are feeling their first Spokane-esque heatwave in.. well... ever ... it must be a really tough experience when you're sitting in the drive-thru to get your Starbucks.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my air-conditioned job.

It's like wife swap, but with outfielders

The Red Sox are wheeling and dealing to try and get back into the lead of the AL East division. However, their latest transaction before the trade deadline is a little underwhelming...

In a swap of outfielders, the Boston Red Sox traded Mark Kotsay and cash to the Chicago White Sox for Brian Anderson on Tuesday.

Boston is second in the A.L. East, and designated Kotsay for assignment last week. The White Sox are second in the A.L. Central and sent Anderson to Triple-A last week.

Kotsay hit .257 with one home run and five RBIs in 27 games for the Red Sox this year. He started out the season on the disabled list while recovering from back surgery.

Anderson was hitting .238 with two homers and 13 RBIs when the White Sox sent him down to Triple-A Charlotte.

Woo! If that doesn't get you excited as a Sox fan I don't know what will.

... well except for signing Adrian Gonzalez and Roy Halladay.

Epic Photo: What Mt. Rushmore looks like from the Canadian Side

We've all seen Mt. Rushmore...

But unknown to Americans, this is how it looks from the Canadian side...

Epic Video: Bear Grylls

As you know, we around here at JustSON think Bear Grylls is a total badass. Don't believe me? Just watch this video.

On a side note, I'm totally gonna make Jeff eat one of those on our hike.

How to tell if someone is watching a Seattle Mariners game

With the Seattle Mariners season pretty much in the bag after they got swept by a bad Cleveland Indians team over the weekend and are now almost a dime out of first place in the AL West, you might see fewer and fewer people paying attention to the games this summer. However without actually taking a gander at the television they're watching and getting sucked into watching a train wreck - here are some signs that someone is watching the Seattle Mariners.

1. You hear "Oh wait! Griffey is up. Hold on, he's going to homer here. Wait... ground into a double play. Awwwwww. Griffey will get them next time."

2. There's a "Safeco Field: the greatest ballpark on the face of planet" FSN commercial being played every 30 seconds.

3. You hear Dave Sims nearly have a stroke making the call on a routine pop-fly to center field by Russell Branyan. "OH MY GOSH ITS OUT OF HERE... BACK, BACK... AND... caught. AND THE MARINERS HAVE RECORDED THEIR THIRD OUT! WOWZA!"

4. You don't hear the word "hit" and "home run" mentioned a lot.

5. The person that is watching the television is squirming. This happens when the infield boots defensive play after defensive play.

6. Somebody asks "Why is Carlos Silva kissing that man in the dugout and not just shaking his hand for that good play?"

7. Somebody gets Rally Fries.

8. The person watching the game has fallen asleep.

9. The words "sorry jack*****" "worthless sons of *******" "BUMS!" is used by the viewer on a regular basis.

10. You hear "They STILL have that pitcher in the game?!"

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Seattle Mariners!

Beuhrle sets major league record, then loses game for White Sox

After pitching a perfect game his last time on the mound, Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle came out yesterday and retired the first 17 batters for a major league record 45-straight retired batters in a row.

Then the wheels came off.

Buehrle ended up giving up five runs in 6 1/3 innings, and was awarded the pitching loss in a 5-3 defeat to the Twins. And to make matters worse, the setback caused the White Sox to fall into a tie for second place in the AL Central with the Twins.

Talk about a downer.

By the way, Buehrle is only one of 18 pitchers in baseball history to throw a perfect game. More people have orbited the Moon than recorded 27 consecutive outs in a major league baseball game. And they've been keeping stats for over 100 years... making this kind of a big deal.

Heat induced illnesses

The Northwest is currently in the start of a heatwave with highs for the next week all around 100 degrees. And while many people will use the sun as a reason to get outside, there are precautions that you need to take when being active in the heat.

Whether you're biking, hiking, kayaking or even just laying around camp, temperatures in the 90s are hard on the body. Add in direct sunlight, and you've got a lethal combination.

Two of the most common heat induced illnesses are heat stroke and heat exhaustion. But many people don't know the differences between the two or how to treat for them.

When being active in the outdoors during the heat of summer, it's very important to be able to recognize the symptoms and know when medical treatment is necessary. These are straight from The Boy Scout Handbook.

Definition

Heat exhaustion: This condition often occurs when body fluids are lost through sweating and dehydration, causing the body to overheat.

Heat stroke: Heat stroke is life-threatening. This condition happens when a person's cooling system it so overworked it actually stops working and the internal body temperature rises.

Symptoms

Heat exhaustion:

• Skin will be pale and clammy
  
• Sweating a lot
  
• Muscle cramps
  
• Dizziness and fainting
  
• Headache, weakness, thirst, and nausea

Heat stroke:

• Red, hot, and dry skin
  
• Sweating has stopped
  
• Rapid and quick breathing
  
• Dizziness, confusion and even unconsciousness

Treatment

I'm not a medical professional, but I do know the first aid for these illnesses. In both cases, seek doctor instructions.

Heat exhaustion:

• Have the victim rest in a cool, shaded area with their feet raised.
  
• Loosen or remove clothing.
  
• Cool the victim by applying cool, wet cloths to their body.
  
• If the person is alert, give them cool fluids such as water or sports drinks (that will replace the salt that has been lost).
  
• Do not give alcohol or drinks that contain caffine.

Heat stroke:

• Call 911. This is a life-threatening matter.
  
• Until help arrives, if the person is awake move to them to the shade. If they are not awake, create shade for them using umbrellas, towels, etc.
  
• Cool them any way you can by removing clothing and applying cold, wet towels to the skin. You can also place them in a stream or lake if you are near one.
  
• Keep the victim lying down with their head slightly raised.
  

Prevention

Both heat exhaustion and heat stroke can be prevented. Avoid being outside performing strenuous activities during the hottest time of the day. If you have to be outside, make sure to replace fluids by drinking lots of water and/or sports drinks. Wear light colored clothing. Take plenty of breaks to rest in a cool spot in the shade. And as I said before, stay hydrated!

Where is Selena Roberts when you need her?

Sometimes writers should just take their pens (or computers) and shove it into their mouth. Look at this wonderful paragraph of blabber that was highlighted on Deadspin from US News and World Reports.

Erin Andrews Peephole Video Scandal Shows Pro Sports Culture is Nothing But Bad

I wish women would stop propping up men's sports. If women didn't attend NFL games or NBA games, or even watch them on TV to help drive up ratings, they would be doing more to stop men from behaving badly than they could ever do otherwise. If they encouraged their sons to play sports instead of paying to watch other people play baseball or football or basketball or soccer, they would be sending the message that athleticism is good, but pro sports culture is bad. And it is, nothing but bad. - Bonnie Erbe

Listen, in college - where people learn things - we were told that when writing an opinion piece make sure you have some sort of evidence to back up your claims. However, this professional journalist just seems to think that pro sports is the (1) objectification of women and (2) an evil culture. Since she has a column, might as well throw it on a page with no justification whatsoever.

And let me be the first to mirror the thoughts of my journalism professor at EWU, Bill Stimson, in saying "Why? Where is the objective evidence that you can back your opinion up with?"

Print media is doing so poorly now, writers feel to urge to write up something sensational, regardless of its actually validity. The Erin Andrews scandal was a couple of pervs with some cameras and bad intentions - not a bi-product of the pro sports culture. Why? Because those are the simple facts of the incident.

If anything, sports is a reflection of our culture on a whole, not it's own little segmented world. Going above your skis and assuming that this isolated incident of invaded privacy should be linked with the ENTIRE SPECTRUM OF PRO SPORTS ... is dumb.

This is just another case of a writer trying to make a name for themselves by being outlandish and ridiculous. We'll see her on Around the Horn in a few weeks.

Blue M&Ms are wonder drugs

I'm going to run out and buy a Costco-sized vat of blue M&Ms now. This is amazing.

(CNN) -- The same blue food dye found in M&Ms and Gatorade could be used to reduce damage caused by spine injuries, offering a better chance of recovery, according to new research.

Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that when they injected the compound Brilliant Blue G (BBG) into rats suffering spinal cord injuries, the rodents were able to walk again, albeit with a limp.

The only side effect was that the treated mice temporarily turned blue.

While I'm glad I can eat M&Ms and to say that I'm recovering from a spinal cord injury, I wonder how the hell the University got the backing to do a study on blue M&Ms.

"Gentlemen, we're breaking new ground in the study of M&Ms and we need your backing, please send your checks to the alumni office."

Actually if Eastern Washington University came out with studies saying that McDonalds was good for you, I'd send them a fatty check too.

Top Party Colleges

Well well well. The Top Party School was released yesterday from the Princeton Review's 2009 survey of 122,000 students.

Can you see where the student's were located that they asked?

Pretty much all east coast. Here's the list thanks to Google.

1. Penn State University, State College, Pa.

2. University of Florida, Gainesville, Fla.

3. University of Mississippi, Oxford, Miss.

4. University of Georgia, Athens, Ga.

5. Ohio University, Athens, Ohio

6. West Virginia University, Morgantown, W.VA.

7. University of Texas, Austin, Texas

8. University of Wisconsin, Madison, Wis.

9. Florida State University, Tallahassee, Fla.

10. University of California-Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, Calif.

11. University of Colorado, Boulder, Colo.

12. University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa

13. Union College, Schenectady, N.Y.

14. Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind.

15. DePauw University, Greencastle, Ind.

16. University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Tenn.

17. Sewanee: The University of the South, Sewanee, Tenn.

18. University of North Dakota, Grand Forks, N.D.

19. Tulane University, New Orleans, La.

20. Arizona State University, Tempe, Ariz.

They obviously had to drop Eastern Washington University from the list since Brandon is no longer a student there.

And seriously, the University of North Dakota got on the list? How many students go there? About 95.

Is this what you want Seahawk fans?

A lot of Seahawk fans (including one Casey Knopik) have been talking about the alternative bright green jerseys that the team store sells being used in an actual game.

I would ask you to please look to the right and take a gander at this bright green jersey.

Sometimes Seahawks fans really disappoint me with their judgment calls. Not since the time a grown man rationalized the well below .500 Seattle Seahawks making the Super Bowl at about Week 12 last season have I been this doubtful of the fan base.

Now if they sign Ken Griffey Jr. to play running back...

Matt Hasselbeck has found Twitter

Apparently Matt Hasselbeck has been screwing around with Twitter and caused quite a ruckus. He posted the following yesterday, causing Hawk fans to collectively take a dump in their pants.

I either have an ear infection or some bees crawled in my ear, stung me, and are building a bee hive.

Matt Hasselbeck ladies and gentlemen! Boy he's funny. I haven't heard something that funny since "We want the ball and we're gonna score" or whatever mess he made up in Green Bay.

Now people were freaking out because ear infections can be a serious deal if you're a player because it affects your depth perceptions and sense of balance - something you might need while playing football.

This caused the Seahawks to post a news story that basically said "Boy that Twitter, it sure is funny. Matt's okay though. Seriously he's fine. HE'S FINE!!!"

I'm beginning to really enjoy this Twitter thing.

Apparently I should become a Milwaukee Brewer Fan

This is what it's like being a Milwaukee Brewers fan.

"As a Cubs fan, my friends and I frequently travel to 'Wrigley North' to catch games. This year, we went to the April 12 Sunday Night Baseball game. My friend secured good seats, second row just about on the left field foul pole. There were four of us, seats 5-8. We show up a late, just before game time (we caught the end of the Masters before heading in). Anyway, we go down to our seats, and there is a family sitting in seats 1-4.

Dad, mom, daughter (maybe 19) and son (16 or so). The problem is, being Wisconsin mouth-breathers, they are fat as f***. Honestly, the daughter, who was supposed to be in seat 4, was spilling into the area of the bench marked 6. Each of them looked like the spawn of Dom Deluise and Rosie O'Donnell, but blonde.

When my friends and I tried to cram in, the daughter had the nerve to yell AT US for trying to sit there, and told us there wasn't room. Clearly. Anyway, after shoehorning ourselves in, we proceeded to find out exactly why 'sconnies look the way they do. In the first six innings of the game (they left after 6!), the girl alone polished off the following: a bratwurst, a soft pretzel, a slice of pizza, fried cheese curds, and cheese fries. Oh, and about 4 miller lites. Welcome to Miller Park." (Brian)

But wait, there's more!

"I'm sitting in the left field bleachers with a couple buddies and (surprise) the Brewers are getting killed. It's like the 3rd inning, when all of a sudden the people right in front of us finally find their seats. Which I have to give them credit for, because they were WASTED. It was a couple, some douche with fake Oakleys and hat sideways like he's all gangsta but is actually a huge p**** and some whore wearing a JJ Hardy t-shirt. (It's easy to spot the slutty girls at Miller Park. Just look for the 7's. )

First thing they do is order grab a round and then they drink some more. They were actually cut off by the beer guy, which I have never seen before. When they weren't drinking or peeing, they were straight up making babies on each other. They weren't even watching the game at all. The huge grope fest eventually catches the attention of the whole section, but mostly my friends and I, who had the misfortune of being 6 inches from this fat girl getting felt up her jean skirt. We started laughing at them after a while and they eventually realized it and the dude turns around and cleverly says 'f**s.'

So it's like the 7th inning and they're going at it, when out of God's good graces they stop for a moment. Just like it was out of a movie, the girl just pukes EVERYWHERE. I have never laughed harder in my entire life. The people sitting in front of them got sprayed. It was awful/wonderful.

But the best part is instead of helping the poor girl out, this guy IMMEDIATELY just books it up the aisle and disappears. I guess they weren't such good friends after all. Anyway, she sits there for a minute and tries to play it off like nothing happened, but there's vomit everywhere so there's nothing doing. Everyone is just howling at this girl. Eventually she gets up and stumbles off to the whoratory or wherever she was going. Then we grabbed their bobbleheads and left. (Eric G.)

... well looks like I'm circling Miller Park on my ballpark tour. Just South of North! Where one half of the editorial staff is obese, yet we still like to make fun of fat people. Gotta love blogs.

(Thank you Deadspin for making my Monday so much better)

Madden 10 just got a whole lot better...

Score one for dog-fighters across the country and Michael Vick was reinstated to the NFL. While it's conditional, we should be seeing Vick back on an gridiron if a team is interested.

Vick "will be considered for full reinstatement and to play in regular-season games by Week 6 based on the progress he makes in his transition plan," the statement said. Week 6 of the NFL season is in October

Vick may participate in practices, workouts and meetings and may play in his club's final two preseason games under the conditions of his reinstatement, the league said.

Vick, 29, was freed from federal prison at Leavenworth, Kansas, on May 20 and returned to his home to serve the last two months of his 23-month sentence in home confinement.

The former Atlanta Falcons player is a free agent and has not been signed by any team.

Former Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy has agreed to continue working with Vick as an adviser and mentor, the NFL statement said.

Vick will probably be a marginal player this time around. He was a gifted athlete but not an elite quarterback. Now we'll see what happens after two years away from the game (he might not even play quarterback). One thing is for sure though, the QB sneak on Madden just got a whole lot easier.

JustSON Numbers: The bottoming out of Jason Bay

As much as it pains me to do this, the Red Sox have been struggling at the plate lately and one of their top offensive weapons - Jason Bay - has been at the forefront of this.

Check out his batting average splits for the season.

April/March - .324
May - .264
June - .230
July - .190

Apparently as the season drags on, Jason Bay has been getting progressively worse. In the last month, he has been hitting a woeful .176 with one home run and three RBIs, which isn't exactly the kind of production you want out of your big gun.

At least he's hitting .448 against the New York Yankees, the team they're currently two and a half games back of in the division.

Now I'm not one to press the panic button too early, and I'm thinking that this might be a good thing that the Sox slump slightly in the early second half of the season and then pick it back up again once the post-season nears and the games mean a whole lot more. A good championship team always needs some adversity.

Hopefully Jason Bay will be able to reverse this trend and the Sox offense in general will turn it around.

(Crosses fingers)

Am I right guys? Right? You will turn it around right? Don't joke with me here.

Reasons why you're still single... Impreach Obama bumper stickers

You've encouraged your College Republicans cronies to print out hundreds of "Impeach Obama" bumper stickers, causing a riot between you and the College Democrats, who are still trying to figure out how to peel off their "Impeach Bush" stickers off their Honda civics.

... in other news, nobody else (including women) have any urge whatsoever to impeach a president that's been in office less than a year - nor did they care about impeaching Bush during his term. Congrats on being street rat crazy!

Epic Photo: Fat guy with skinny girls

This is how I sunbathe.

USA Soccer sucks again

USA! USA! USA!

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. -- Vindication. Satisfaction. Domination.

After finally earning a win against the Americans on U.S. soil, Mexico's players used all of those words Sunday to describe the 5-0 romp that gave them their fifth Gold Cup championship.

Oh, and one other noun: pride.

"I believe this is a great win for Mexico because we showed the pride we have in our hearts today," Giovani Dos Santos said. "This is a huge step for us in the process."

That process had included no progress this decade when the United States hosted its southern rival. The Mexicans were 0-9-2 since a March 1999 victory at San Diego.

They snapped that victory drought before an overwhelmingly pro-Mexico crowd of 79,156 at Giants Stadium with an offensive onslaught in the second half. Captain Gerardo Torrado scored on a penalty kick in the 56th minute, then the inexperienced U.S. squad came unglued.

Now if you excuse me, I need to go find a bottle of gin to forget about how much we actually suck at playing soccer. Bartender!

What you missed over the weekend

- Terrell Owens encourages riots from thousands of animal lovers in Buffalo, NY by saying that an additional suspension of Michael Vick by the NFL would just be silly. Owens also told Vick to work out in his driveway if he is indeed suspended.

- Spokane Shock continue to be super awesome In a game that meant nothing to the Shock as they already had home-field advantage wrapped up in the playoffs, they still found the will to trump their regional opponent Boise 56-51 and improve their record to 15-1. The playoffs start next weekend!

- Sounders FC tie Chicago 0-0. This match also set the record for number of times Brandon curls up into a ball and mumbles obscenities. Great game, but soccer can be very frustrating.

- Ricky Henderson (pictured above) joins the Baseball Hall of Fame. And to think, Henderson's dream was to play for the Oakland Raiders... imagine where he would be now. Yeah that's right, in last place.

- The Mariner's season is pretty much over. They're now seven and a half games back of the divisional lead and the Mariner Moose is officially on suicide watch.

Northern Rangers: Mount Fremont Lookout Trail

Above Sunrise on Mount Rainier lies the Mount Fremont Lookout Trail.

This trail is about 5.5 miles round-trip and offers breathtaking views of Mount Rainier, alpine lakes, meadows, valleys and even the occasional wildlife.

The Mount Fremont Fire Lookout was built in 1934 by the Civilian Conservation Corps. It is just one of four lookout towers that remain in the National Park.

According to the plaque at the lookout, due to the exposure of a lookout tower, many are prone to lighting strikes. And shortly after it's completion, the Mount Fremont Fire Lookout lost its roof to a high wind storm.

This tower used to serve as a way for watchers to spot smoke and fires and report them by telephone. However, after World War II, aerial surveillance replaced many lookout towers. Despite this face, the Mount Fremont Fire Lookout Tower is occasionally staffed, as they are still fully equipped to be lived in.

Getting to the trailhead

From the White River Entrance to Mount Rainier National Park, drive up the road about 14 miles. Park at the Sunrise parking lot and proceed toward the picnic area. Hike past the picnic area to the trail.

Several trails share the same trailhead off the parking area. Follow the Mount Fremont Trail and the Frozen Lake Trail signs. Please stay on the trail. Off-trail hiking is not allowed in the Sunrise area.

About the trail

The route is well-marked with signs, even at the juncture where five different trails converge. It begins at a gradual slope and steepens for a about 1/4 mile. From this point to Frozen Lake, about 1 mile, the trail stays fairly flat. It then climbs from Frozen Lake to the Mount Fremont Lookout Tower.

The terrain varies from the dust of the trail to flat rocks.

There is a complete tour up the trail in the video we made on our hike below.

How to tell if you went to a great wedding

After getting home this morning after an all-nighter road trip back to Spokane from Portland (Thank you Dylan Kitzan for driving the entire way), I have to say the wedding was a blast. Usually these sort of things are hit and miss depending on (1) how many people you kn0w (2) the format of the wedding such as length and if beer is served :D and (3) other variables like weather, who you run into... ect. ect.

Well this was a great wedding, I'm glad my buddy Darren finally tied the knot and here's some ways you can tell if the wedding you just went to was great too.

(1) The bride mentions the groom's fantasy baseball team and the San Francisco Giants during the vows.

(2) Yours truly gets two swigs from the groom's flask just before the ceremony.

(3) You and your friend come up with this brilliant story about how your brothers that own a maple syrup company in New Hampshire and are completely loaded. YOU LOCK IT UP!

(4) Open bar... meaning that you absolutely tear through their stock of Blue Boar.

(5) You wear sunglasses indoors, just because you can and other people are doing it.

(6) Piano Man and Spin your head right round get placed at the reception dance. That's always a big plus and might I add that JustSON will be uploading photos of proper dancing technique in the near future.

(7) The gift from the bride and groom is a matchbox. So we have alcohol, matchboxes and a turn of the century building where the wedding is taking place. If something crazy doesn't happen than I've lost all faith in drunken humanity.

(8) The absence of "that awkward brother in law that gets a little too emotional around his new sister"

(9) Jose Melina is in attendance. Or was it the other Melina... ?

(10) Somebody yells "You da man Tiger!" during the ceremony. Either that or "WHAAAAMMMYYY!"

Epic Video: Redneck Hunting

Found this on Youtube. Here's the description:

This is a Xbox 360 commercial made for Asia in 2006.

Epic Video: Religon is funny, sometimes

I'm not quite sure what to think about this other than... what the hell?

Kasey Keller to fly with Blue Angels

I came across this story on soundersfc.com. It was so awesome, I knew I had to share.

Sounder’s Kasey Keller Celebrates U.S. Navy and Seafair with the Ride of a Lifetime

SEATTLE, WASH. – Seattle Sounders F.C. goalkeeper Kasey Keller will get some serious air while showing his support of the U.S. Navy on Monday, July 27 as he rides in the No. 7, two-seater jet of the Blue Angels with a top pilot who will perform precision maneuvers as part of the 60th Seafair.

“I have an ongoing admiration for the U.S. Navy, so to fly along with a Blue Angels pilot and be a part of the Seafair is amazing,” says the popular player who will attend an official briefing at 11:30 a.m. before being strapped into the jet at 1:00 p.m. local time.

Keller, the goalie with the lowest scoring percentage against in the MLS, and the USA’s all-time leader in wins, World Cup qualifying shutouts and appearances, is amazing in his own right. After playing at the University of Portland, he reigned as a top goalie during 1990 to 2007 on competitive European teams including some in the English Premiere League, Spain’s Liga Primera and the German Bundesliga Squad. But the man who grew up on an egg farm in Olympia, Washington is glad to be back home.

After signing with the Seattle Sounders F.C. in 2008, he is still winning games and fans with his quick skills. In fact he received the most 2009 MLS All-Star votes, but Keller insists his role in the net is nothing compared to that of the U.S. Navy.

“The commitment the Navy put in to serve our country is unparalleled. I know what it takes to make a winning team for a season, but what they do is truly a tradition of excellence.”

Keller has his own tradition of breaking records, and is the only player to ever clinch the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year an unprecedented three tim¬¬¬es (1997, 1999 and 2005). To add to his accomplishments, he will play in the 2009 MLS All-Star game on Thursday, July 30 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Keller’s sports management company, Rezin Marketing and their close relationship with the U.S. Navy created this opportunity.

The high-flying goalie has seen the world playing soccer and gathered plenty of fans along the way, but it’s clear he feels the home field advantage.

“It’s great to be back in the U.S. and playing with the Sounders, there’s just something about being home,” says Keller. “Now flying with a Blue Angel, well that’s just the icing on the cake.”

Read the original article here.

Seattle Light Rail to the Sounders FC

The Sounders FC tied today with the Chicago Fire 0-0 in a hard fought battle on the XBOX Pitch. It was a fun game to watch, just wish the Sounders would have come away with the win.

And in other news, I rode the new light rail to the game. It cost $4.50 for a round trip ticket from Tukwila to the Stadium Station. Which was so much better than me having to drive into downtown Seattle, fight the traffic and construction, and try to find a place to park.

Here's more about the light rail, a map of where it runs, as well as a video for those of you who don't know what a light rail system is:

Central Link opened July 18, 2009 from downtown Seattle to Tukwila. A temporary bus shuttle will connect light rail passengers from Tukwila Internation Blvd Station to Sea Tac Airport. By December 2009, Link will extend directly to the SeaTac/Airport station, replacing the shuttle.

Sounders Gameday

It's Sounders FC gameday today! And Seattle is going to be packed.

Sounders start at 12 pm, Mariners start in the neighboring stadium at 1 pm, Seafair is going on, construction too. It's going to be a busy area.

I'm actually going to the game too! So the Northern Rangers will be represented. But I'm going to ride the new light-rail into the game. What's the light-rail you're asking? Well, I'll post more about this later so tune back.

As for the Sounders, they currently sit in 2nd place in the West with 28 points, (Houston is in first with 32).

The FC will be taking on the Chicago Fire today who are in first place in the East, also with 28 points.

This is a cruical game for the Sounders, as they may have 28 points, but by no means can feel comfortable as both Los Angeles and Chivas USA have 27 points and Colorado has 24.

So a win today over the Fire would be HUGE!!!

Here's the press release about the game and traffic from soundersfc.com:

Mariners first pitch at Safeco Field is 1 p.m. PT.

Seattle Sounders FC fans are encouraged to arrive early at Qwest Field for Saturday’s match vs. the Chicago Fire. The Qwest Field gates open at 10:30 a.m. The match starts at noon.

Fans can expect additional traffic and congestion due to the Mariners game, Seafair activities and road construction.

Fans are encouraged to avoid South Royal Brougham Way unless they park in the Qwest Event Center Garage. Fans parking in the garage will have access by one lane only via South Royal Brougham Way and Fourth Avenue South.

And SCARVES UP!!!

CFL player is now crime fighting in his spare time

Look Ma! A story involving a football player that isn't negative!

Kitwana Jones, who played college ball at Hampton and is now a defensive end for the CFL's Eskimos, was driving to a pancake breakfast on Tuesday morning (seriously!) when he spotted an old woman screaming for help and chasing after a man carrying her purse and laptop. Then the thief knocked down an old man who tried to get in his way and Jones sprung into action. He jumped out of his car, took off after the suspect and then leveled him with a blindside tackle.

Saw this on Deadspin. What a great story although this reminds me of the Terry Tate commercials on so many levels.

Epic Video: Terry Tate Commercial

Since I mentioned Terry Tate in the other post, I might as well post it.

Portland's AAA franchise is looking to move

The friend that drove me down to Portland, Dylan, has been known to jinx a minor league team or two when he is in town... but this is ridiculous. The man is in town for a couple days and the Portland Beavers are already looking to move to Beaverton to become... the Beaverton Beavers! Wow.

The Beavers will play next year at PGE Park, but then will need a new home because the stadium will be reconfigured for Major League Soccer by 2011. Paulson also owns the minor league Timbers soccer team and was awarded a Major League Soccer franchise in March.

He since has been in negotiations with Leonard and Portland Mayor Sam Adams to have taxpayers pay millions toward soccer renovations to PGE Park and building a new baseball park. But plans for the new ballpark at Memorial Coliseum and in Lents Park died in the face of opposition.

Paulson's latest proposal is a $31 million deal to renovate PGE Park for soccer, including reconfiguring its diamond shape into a more traditional bowl. The plan goes before the Portland City Council on Thursday.

Judging from all the empty seats at Beaver games seen on FSN - I'd say that Portland doesn't give a rat's behind about the Beavers. And why should they? They're a major-league city that has a AAA team that plays on astro turf and diving pits. It would be like giving Boston an af2 team. Fantastic, wonderful... nobody would go.

Oh and did I mention their affiliate is the Padres? I'm guessing they aren't scoring too many runs these days.

Epic Video: Wedding Entrance Dance

Brandon is in Portland for a wedding. Perhaps this was it.

Epic Photo: Escape to the Weekend

It's Friday. Go play!

The truth behind Brandon in Portland

Brandon is currently in Portland, Oregon.

So, I will use this time to explain to you the real reasons why he is there. He claims it's for a wedding, but we know the truth. Don't we?

1. Roses?!?! Brandon loves any city named after that flower.

2. He's a sucker for emo chicks. He finds them scary, yet intriguing.

3. Cheap beer is his friend. Nowhere is cheaper than the Shanghai bar with $1 Rainiers.

4. He wanted to get in a fight with a Timbers fan. "Sounders till I die!" he'll be chanting.

5. He enjoys chatting with hippies. Portland is full of them and their Subarus.

6. Pie.

7. He also enjoys hanging out with vagabonds. Portland is also full of those.

8. Outside of Seattle, there are more coffee shops per area than people. Brandon loves his caffeine.

9. Even though he doesn't know how to read, he wanted to check out Powell's. World renown for its books.

10. He wanted to swim in the Willamette River because he heard it was even dirtier than the Spokane River.

How to spot an emo girl

1. They keep referring to Spokane as a "deep, burning pit of hell" but unlike everyone else in this town that says the same thing, she thinks it's one of the place's nicer qualities.

2. Her favorite band is some obscure punk club that you're pretty sure you bought some illegal drugs off of the night before.

3. She watches more UFC than you.

4. Instead of wearing a pink Red Sox hat, she is wearing a black one where the red B is actually bleeding out onto the bill.

5. She gets pissed when you don't call her "muffin fluffles" (And contrary to popular belief, I do not call Casey this)

6. She steals eye black from the football trainers at the university.

7. She wears clever shirts with sayings you wish you would of though of, but without all the vampire figures and fake cut marks on it.

8. If you turn on the Disney Channel she punches you.

9. She's more protective of you from other girls than Michael Jackson was dangling his kid off a balcony.

10. She likes the Yankees and Red Sox.

(In other words, no thanks!)

Reasons why you're still single... Contact List

Your phone contact list has only four females on it and they are...

Your aunt.
Your mom.
Your sister.
Your therapist.

Good luck getting a date on Friday night!

Epic Video: Solar Eclipse

If you haven't noticed by now, I'm a huge space nerd. Here's footage from the eclipse in Asia. Something I find funny is that you're not suppose to look directly into an eclipse but judging from the noise of the crowd cheering, I'd say there's a large amount of people that were watching.

Time to become an eye doctor and move to Asia.

Commuting Crusade: Batman

That's right ladies and gentlemen, today we are starting a new feature at Just South of North.

Since I spend roughly two hours a day in my car commuting to-and-from my desk job, I have been seeing a lot of strange and marvelous things.

So, beginning today check back to JustSON on a regular basis for our new feature section:

Commuting Crusade

Batman.

That's right, today I saw the Batman. He came roaring up beside me in a 2010 Ford Mustang. Dark silver paint job, blacked out windows, black rims, stealth lights, ground effects, racing spoiler and huge fatty tires.

Oh, and the reason I knew it was Bruce Wayne himself.

The license plate read: DRKKNHT

Boy drinks gas to become Transformer

I heard this on the radio this morning:

According to an article on ShanghaiDaily.com:

A 14-year-old boy drank gasoline for five years to obtain "energy" - just as his idols "Bumble Bee" or "Optimus Prime" do in "Transformers," the Sichuan-based West China Metropolis Daily reported yesterday.

After the boy, in Yibin City, southwest Sichuan Province, had watched the animated TV series, he began to drink gasoline to become a "valiant fighter" like "Optimus Prime," his father told the newspaper.

"He began to drink gasoline five years ago, when we found he liked smelling lighter fuel," he said.

The boy's mother owned a grocery stall, selling small goods such as lighters.

In 2004, she often found lighters missing two or three days after she'd bought them. She later found that her son had been stealing them. The parents talked to their son and asked him not to do it again.

"But afterwards we found our motorcycle's gasoline was always disappearing, and one day when we found the boy had drunk a half bottle of gasoline stolen from the motorcycle, we were too shocked to say anything," the father said.

IQ dropped

They locked the motorcycle away after that but the boy began to steal gasoline from neighbors and was drinking more and more - two or three bottles at a time.

"Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can't figure out simple addition and subtraction," the father said.

"Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17."

The worried parents finally took their son to hospital where they were told the boy had a mental disorder and a strong "gasoline dependence." "

The gasoline contains a lot of lead, which can do harm to people's brains. To make thing even worse, the boy is in the physical development stage, and the lead has caused serious damage to his body," Peng Houquan, a doctor from a hospital in Yibin, said.

"Transformers" is now a Hollywood blockbuster movie franchise and the second live-action film is currently breaking box office records in China. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" has gained 400 million yuan (US$58.4 million) in the country, breaking the record set by "Titanic" 10 years ago.

To read the original article, click here.

Seriously though, we don't like to make fun of sad situations, but seriously?!?! Five years!?! Wow.

The DJ on the radio called the kid a retard for drinking the gas. Yeah, people will call him names and make fun of him. Until the giant robots really do come down from the skies and he is the only hope for human-kind.

Reasons why you're single... Axe Bodywash

In a desperate attempt to get tail... any tail whatsoever, you've purchased the entire line of Axe products. We're talking Axe hair gel, Axe shampoo, Axe bodywash and even Axe deodorant. However instead of these girls...



You attract these girls...

Well, I mean, at least they were on TV...

Epic Song of Greatness: Piano Man

Listen to this at work, with the volume cranked. Be sure to have a bottle of gin cracked too.

The last time I went to Portland...

I'm headed out for the weekend to Portland today where I'll be attending a good friend's wedding. While I'm certainly excited to go to the wedding, the last time I went to Portland, I had what you would call an EPIC Hangover.

EPIC Hangover - When you are incapacitated or feeling the effects of alcohol consumption for at least two days, the first day involving the inability for you to stand up without wanting to hurl.

And the problem with having this EPIC Hangover, was the fact that we had tickets to a Portland Trailblazers game. So I had to somehow go from this...


To this...


After roughly a four hour nap, enough meds to make me the next Heath Ledger, I made my triumphant entrance into the Rose Garden.


Time for Round 2, Portland.