In an effort once again to gain a stranglehold of the youth vote, Democrat leaders have employed a new strategy to enlist new college students into their ranks.
After extensive research by the Democrat think tank that recommended John Kerry as their presidential nominee in the election of 2004, a conclusion by party officials that the best way to reach college students is to go emo.
"Trust me dudes, Hilary is down with emo, so is Barack," said a highly-place party leader. "Do you think John McCain ever felt the pain of not being loved by his own parents? No, he was a war hero, everybody loves a war hero."
Photos on the Internet have surfaced showing a eye-shadowed Hillary Clinton, wearing a t-shirt from Hot Topic, dodging sniper fire.
The new strategy seems to be gaining ground among college students.
"I love that Barack and Hillary finally understand who I am," said Shelly Monoloham, a major in physiology. "I hear Barack owns a Invader Zim backpack and cuts himself when he loses a state in the primaries."
Facebook groups such as "Republicans: they don't listen to Good Charlotte" and "John McCain doesn't wear girl pants."
Republicans have responded to the emo backlash lethargically.
"Well, we like to cater to constituents who aren't at risk of suicide," said one party official. "And makes lots and lots of money. You do the math with emo kids."
As surge in the polls for the democrats has become apparent in the 18-25 demographic. Roughly 90 percent of all college-age votes so far have been towards the left in primaries, which accounts for a complete shift of .00008 of the vote.
The real problem is that the Republicans like catering to an audience that actually have jobs and don't still live in their parents basement, is all.
ReplyDeleteI want to know which party caters to 80's butt rock. They'll have my vote. Aaaanimal. Aaaanima-ho-ho-hoaal
ReplyDelete