Squatch: The True Hollywood Story

Thanks to some rich investors from a state called Oklahoma, a member of the NBA will soon be unemployed.

Squatch, the beloved mascot of the Seattle Supersonics will be forced to find work elsewhere. Cause let’s face it, everybody knows there are no Sasquatches in the mid-west. And seeing as how many people won’t hire a huge, hairy, forest creature, it won’t be easy.

Here’s a look at where Squatch’s future will take him:

The Sonics leave the Northwest for the Midwest. Taking their rookies, their new coach, and their memories with them. Squatch decides to head back to the forests of Mount Rainier. Upon returning to his Bigfoot clan he is shunned by the other Sasquatches, because he broke the Bigfoot Code and befriended humans.Depressed, hungry, and wet (cause it always rains in Washington) Squatch is losing faith. Yet he knows that if the former Expos mascot Youppi! can find work again, he can too.

Due to poor investing, Squatch spends the next few months living in Seattle’s Pioneer Square with the homeless. Eating at soup kitchens, and thinking about the good ol’ days. Shaun Kemp, Gary Payton, Detlef Schrempf and winning. He sighs, and as he pulls the Seattle Times over him to stay warm he notices an ad. “Now hiring mascots for Disneyland.”

The next day Squatch is on his way to California. He crashes on the Rally Monkey’s couch as it’s too expensive for him to find a room. Later that week he is hired to be a yeti on The Matterhorn ride. (Yeti’s are distant relatives to Sasquatches).

As the year passes on, Squatch signs on for what is now the 8th season of Dancing With the Stars. He becomes another former athlete (well kinda) to join the show. After impressing many with his hops, jumps and high-flying moves, he just doesn’t have enough and finishes third.

Taking the money he makes from the show, Squatch heads back up to Washington where he falls under the radar.

That is until FSN does a show on him. Where they discover the former famous mascot of the Sonics has fallen on hard times again, now working as the mascot for the Spokane Community College Sasquatches.
The once proud entertainer of an NBA team now dances for empty bleachers and returns each night to his studio apartment. Alone. All thanks to Clay Bennett and Oklahoma City.