How to tell if someone is watching a Seattle Mariners game

With the Seattle Mariners season pretty much in the bag after they got swept by a bad Cleveland Indians team over the weekend and are now almost a dime out of first place in the AL West, you might see fewer and fewer people paying attention to the games this summer. However without actually taking a gander at the television they're watching and getting sucked into watching a train wreck - here are some signs that someone is watching the Seattle Mariners.

1. You hear "Oh wait! Griffey is up. Hold on, he's going to homer here. Wait... ground into a double play. Awwwwww. Griffey will get them next time."

2. There's a "Safeco Field: the greatest ballpark on the face of planet" FSN commercial being played every 30 seconds.

3. You hear Dave Sims nearly have a stroke making the call on a routine pop-fly to center field by Russell Branyan. "OH MY GOSH ITS OUT OF HERE... BACK, BACK... AND... caught. AND THE MARINERS HAVE RECORDED THEIR THIRD OUT! WOWZA!"

4. You don't hear the word "hit" and "home run" mentioned a lot.

5. The person that is watching the television is squirming. This happens when the infield boots defensive play after defensive play.

6. Somebody asks "Why is Carlos Silva kissing that man in the dugout and not just shaking his hand for that good play?"

7. Somebody gets Rally Fries.

8. The person watching the game has fallen asleep.

9. The words "sorry jack*****" "worthless sons of *******" "BUMS!" is used by the viewer on a regular basis.

10. You hear "They STILL have that pitcher in the game?!"

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Seattle Mariners!