Good morning pet lovers

Perhaps you have a furry little bugger running around your place now (and no I'm not talking about your kids). If that is the care, you're probably wondering why you're sitting in piles of feces and dog hair, single and destined to be alone for the rest of your life.

Why is this? Because you own a pet, and those pets stink up the place - the one reason you'll never see me owning some sort of lesser form of life on earth. I'm not nearly smart enough to keep it clean, feed it and keep it off the road to avoid it becoming a pet burger. I'm sure this makes some of you angry, but I realize I'm not responsible enough, while there are some people out there that have pets that can't take care of their meth sores much less a living being.

Okay I take back the whole pet owner being single thing... although I will say most Kansas Jayhawks fans are single... but here is a word of advice for all your fur friends out there: buy an air freshener.