November 24, 2010

How to survive Thankgiving

Listen up ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow will be a day that tests your spirits. You will be forced to either host a bunch of relatives or travel an insane distance to get to your designated dinner spot. You will eat lots of food, and just when you think you're full, you will end up having to shovel more macaroni salad in your mouth after your Aunt Ruth gave you an ugly look. Don't under any circumstances agree to take care of anyone's kids during that time, as it's a high probability that these kids are the spawn of Satan himself. Stay away from beets, because who the hell likes beets. Compliment your balding relative on their new haircut. Decline the offer to play the 8-hour family Monopoly game, and retreat to the TV-watching area for a thorough Detroit Lions butt-kicking by the New England Patriots.

OR do these things...

1. Spend Thanksgiving at the local bar, because we all know that Oktoberfest Brew is much better than marshmallow salad. When somebody asks where your family is, lie and say they were killed in a wreck. You will get free drinks for the rest of the night.

2. Fake a sickness (rub pink insulation all over your body and say your suffering from a rash) then stay home and play Call of Duty. Keep in mind the people you will be playing will suck because they're Canadian since Canada celebrates thanksgiving on a different day.

3. Pull a Bear Grylls. Erect a shelter by using avaliable materials. Use the land as your source of food and find a way to scale down a waterfall. When your mom asks you to stop stealing the gravy boat and taking it back to your pillow fort, talk to her in a British accent and make a dramatic exit by jumping out the window.

4. Move to Montana. Instead of turkeys, they have Grizzly Bears.

Under no circumstances do you want to end up like this guy...

McDonalds... that's just disgusting.

No comments:

Post a Comment