November 17, 2010

Signings that were worse than the Donovan McNabb extension

The Washington Redskins thoroughly screwed themselves after extending Donovan McNabb's contract until 2039 for roughly a gazillion dollars. But I guess Dan Snyder figured that an aging quarterback with diminishing physical skills and questionable choices at times on the football field was the perfect fit, especially after he looked like garbage for most of this season. (Is Jason Campbell still available on speed dial?)

I haven't seen a signing that bad since...

1. "John, we need you to sign the declaration against the King of England but we have a buttload of people that need to sign it, so don't take up too much room... oh wait, no John... oh, oh, dammit."

2. "Of course, Mr. Hitler, we'll let you take over this country as long as you don't take over any other land in Europe. We don't want any global war or anything like that. I mean what are the chances of having TWO world wars in a half century? No chance."

3. "So what you're saying is that if I sign here, I'll have money for the rest of my life, everything I ever wanted and a hot wife and all I have to give up is my soul, which will burn in hell for the rest of eternity? I'm so in. By the way, what are those red pointy things on your forehead."

4. "You want the island of Manhattan for a box of those beads there? Perfect! And you'll throw in those blankets that all your sick sailors used? We'll take it!"

5. "We're proud to announce Ryan Leaf will be playing quarterback for us..."

6. "So Chuck, you took a look at that ol' Service Module on Apollo 13 right? Good to go? Okay, I'll sign off on that."

7. "A book about how you would have committed the murders if you did it? That sounds great Mr. Simpson. This will be a New York Times best seller!"

8. "Trust me, Jay Leno is not coming back, the Tonight Show is all yours. Forever. Welcome to Prime-time!!"

9. "Stephen Maybury, you just signed on to a championship team."

10. "Adam Morrison, we know you'll be the greatest Bobcat in team history."

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