September 23, 2011

The Brandon Hansen NFL Column

Another week of football and another chance for the Seahawks to show just how terrible they are. Shall we go through a rundown of what is happening this week?

Bills vs. Patriots
The Buffalo Bills have shown considerable spunk in the early season, but anyone thinking that the Bills are going to beat the Patriots obviously haven't seen Tom Brady throw the ball. He's been a surgeon the past two weeks and right now there isn't a quarterback in the league that even comes close. Yep and that includes Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Titans vs. Broncos

Here's the truth Bronco fans... your team sucks. They suck bad. As much as you'd like to convince yourself otherwise after last week's win over the Carson Palmer-less Bengals, Chris Johnson is going to run up your backside like a crazed day-after-Thanksgiving shopper.

Dolphins vs. Browns
I really feel sorry for Miami. They play in the AFC East where they have to contend with the Pats, Jets and Bills. There's no easy game there. However, they'll have no problem with the hapless Browns, one of those rare teams that you never want to talk yourself into betting on.

Lions vs. Vikings
For some reason, people haven't given up on Minnesota yet. I have no idea why not. It's a bad team and Donovan McNabb should be staring in the next remake of "Dawn of the Dead." Meanwhile the Lions are perhaps the most upstart team in the league. Nobody wants to play these guys.

Eagles vs. Giants

Even if it is a Vick-less Eagles team, I don't think anyone realizes how turrible the Giants are.

Panthers vs. Jags

I'd make a pick for this game, but nobody will be at the game nor will anyone care about the outcome.

Packers vs. Bears
Bears win in week one and everyone is like "HERE COME THE BEARS!!!!" Boy, how things change after a 30-13 loss to the Saints. Perhaps Jay Cutler should injure his knee again.

Bengals vs. 49ers
I'm never picking the Bengals if they have a ginger as a quarterback.

Ravens vs. Rams
For some reason people made the Ravens a 3.5 point favorite over the Rams, one of the most puzzling lines in Vegas this week. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You're assuming a Stephen Jackson-less Rams team can hang with Baltimore? The Rams are also out several other starters and they put up a listless performance against the Giants on MNF.

Chargers vs. Chiefs
What's going to give? The Chargers historically terrible start to the season or the Chiefs just plain sucking this year?

Bucs vs. Falcons
I'm going to stand by my fantasy running back Michael Turner and the Falcons on this one. Loved what they showed in their victory over the Eagles. That game was within Phili's grasp and Matt Ryan looked like one of those kids on the "Feed the starving Children" commercials after getting battered around by the Eagles' d-line. They gutted it out. Also, Tampa isn't as good as Phili.

Redskins vs. Cowboys
Tony Romo or Rex Grossman? So far this season I'm going with the quarterback that doesn't have a punctured lung.

Seahawks vs. Cardinals
Literally the only thing Seattle has going for them is that they have home field advantage and Arizona isn't that great. But... Seattle is awful and they didn't make it into the redzone last week against Pittsburgh. The Cardinals defense isn't that great but you'll have to score some points in order to defeat a football team.

1 comment:

  1. Nice insight on my Broncos, Brandon. Maybe Denver could trade Tim Tebow, a box of bibles and a plane ticket to American Samoa for a handful of their future Defensive Line prospects?