October 1, 2011

The Brandon Hansen NFL Column

Now that the Tennessee Titans are 2-1, I really have to get onto the "Here comes Matt Hasselbeck!" bandwagon. Thanks to Peyton Manning's incredibly shrinking neck, the Titans are going to fight the Texans for the AFC South division title.

That is, of course, unless Chris Johnson continues to run like crap and Matt Hasselbeck gets injured (which, it's Matt Hasselbeck, it's bound to happen) and tries to play hurt, meaning he'll force passes and cause turnovers. I've watched enough Seahawks games to know how this goes. However, for now, I'll enjoy the 2-1 start.

Now here are the NFL games this week...

Lions vs. Cowboys 
I'm not sure how much I can believe the whole "Detroit starts 4-0." The Lions are a young team and they're going to hit roadblocks along the way. This has trap game written all over it, except that it's against the Dallas Cowboys. Did you see them against Washington? It's hard to put your money on them after watching the center struggle to snap the ball to Tony Romo. And Romo? That was considered one of his best wins? Did anyone look at his stats after the game. BLEEEECH. I'm still gonna have to go with the Lions with this one, because Dallas just isn't that good.

Bills vs. Bengals
The Bengals are like Last Call with Carson Daily. It's terrible, but for some reason it's still on the air. Cincinatti is terrible, you can't get really too excited about them, but they're still a football team. However, they play a good Bills team and they're going to get whacked. Just look at the QB matchup, this year's surprise QB and fantasy god Ryan Fitzpatrick (soon to win the Matt Cassel award of getting a fatty contract and then probably sucking) vs. Problem Child. Yeaaah gonna go with Fitzpatrick on this one.

Panthers vs. Bears
Chicago is a mediocre team. They'll lose the games they should and win the games they should for an 8-8 record. Against Carolina, they'll pressure Cam Newton into throwing picks (something people having quite told you about Newton... he's turnover prone), and come away with the victory. However, don't oversell on the Bears.

Vikings vs. Chiefs
Yeah I'm not picking the Chiefs in any game this year. Sorry Kansas City, better wait for baseball season to start.

Browns vs. Titans 
I'm going to go with the homer pick here. The Browns don't exactly cause me to get excited when I'm running through picks of the week. The Titans are better than expected. I know they lost Kenny Brit BUT I don't think they'll be hurting against the Browns. Although we haven't seen Mr. Hyde Hasselbeck yet so this could end badly.

Redskins vs. Rams
I am humorously rooting for Washington to make the playoffs this year. I want to see a Rex Grossman resurgence. This will be one of those games where he picks apart the opposing secondary and we'll get a nice Washington Post article about how Rex "isn't as bad as everyone thinks!" I love the 24-media news cycle for that exact reason.

Eagles over 49ers
Run the ball. Run the ball. Run the ball. Poor pass by Alex Smith. Run the Ball. Run the Ball. Run the Bal.... FUMBLE or STUFFED AT THE GOALINE. Yep I just described the 49ers offense. Do you think that's going to get it done against the Eagles?

Saints vs. Jaguars
The Saints may not be able to play defense but I think they'll be able to outscore a Jags offense that looks about as lifeless as Al Davis.

Texans vs. Steelers
So lets get the poorly-coached, unbalanced but talented Texans and throw them against one of the best  franchises in the NFL? A franchise that plays tough defense and will ram it down the throat of the finesse Texans? This doesn't end well for Houston.

Seahawks vs. Falcons
I think Atlanta is better than everyone thinks, and while it's at the Seahawks home stadium, I'm going to venture a guess and say Matt Ryan can outduel T-Jack. Just a hunch.

Packers vs. Broncos
Lets just hope Denver fans go into this game thinking "Hey! We have a shot!" I know that's not the case, but it would be funny to see Broncos fans get their fake hopes crushed.

Dolphins over Chargers
Can't wait for a signature shot of Phillip Rivers snapping and yelling at his teammates again. This guy is just a standup John Lackey.

Patriots vs. Raiders
After the Raiders collect roughly 200 yards in penalties against the finely-tuned Patriots, you'll be regretting going with Oakland.

Jets vs. Ravens
The Ravens are one of the best teams in the AFC while I think the Jets have some concerns they need to address. The Jets are 2-1 and they've been the Cowboys (bad team) and the Jags (awful team), and lost to the Raiders (meeehhhhh, marginal playoff team). Also factor in that the Ravens crushed a defense-minded, tough as nails team in Pittsburgh with their own brand of smash mouth football. Something tells me the same happens to the Jets.

Bucs vs. Colts
JAWSH FREEMAN! If you put a bet on the Colts this season, you're a moron.

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