"In third world countries, the starting line for the 100-meter dash is just a wee-bit different from America."
"You wanna know how I feel about AJ Burnett's pitching?!?! I'll show you right here."
"Wait... you have to use a computer to use Facebook?"
"I'm sure that's Zima they're spraying in her face."
"Dude, that was a sick double-kill on Halo 3... now switch to the sniper rifle!"
"Did you hear? Duke lost the other day."
"I'm my country, you don't deserve to have front teeth."
"The world is going to end when Al Davis dies... oh wait.. waaaaiiiit...."
"Montana reaches record highs for the month of December..."
"You're sure nobody is watching?"
"Alright, who forgot to pay the dust storm bill?"
"Hey! This tastes like movie theater popcorn!"
"...and then Rocky threw a punch like this... and Mr. T went down..."
"Duck Hunt is played a little bit differently around here..."
"McDonalds had now found a new source of meat for their quarter-pounders"