January 14, 2013
How to deal with grief (for Seahawks fans)
The Seahawks lost a heart breaker, and since Americans treat their football teams like a child, many Seattle fans were in a state of shock and sadness after the Falcons knocked them out of the playoffs. Here's a few tips to get past the grief...
1. Stop Drinking - It was fine when you were drinking during the game, or even after it. It's Monday now, however, and I would imagine the boss would be quite angry if he saw you drinking out of your limited edition Shaun Alexander flask. Your name isn't Marshawn Lynch, you can't get away with making poor drinking decisions.
2. Find a way to sell that $200 worth of Seahawks gear you bought this week - Word on the street was that all the Seahawks gear shops were sold out in Seattle. That would seem like "Hey! Seattle has the best fans in the world" but what it really means is "Hey! There were a bunch of bandwagon fans that hopped on at the last second!" so... in order to escape credit card debt, you might want to consider pawned that Lime Green Footsie.
3. Move on to watching the NHL - Wait, this is a joke. The NHL isn't a real thing anymore.
4. Remember you have a young quarterback, awesome defense and Marshawn Lynch - In other words, you will be okay next year.
5. Don't get pissy about the refs - That's really stereotypical of Seahawks fans, so please avoid stereotypes.
6. Remember you have a family that loves you - Even though you haven't seen them on Sundays since August...
7. Get ready for the Mariners' spring training to start - And all those free agents they got in the offseason will be making headlines in no time... oh wait... they got Jason Bay? Crap.