March 11, 2013

How to make the World Baseball Classic better

This World Baseball Classic is a great thing. Watching Team USA beat Canada yesterday was a thrill, and the Mexico-Canada brawl was the first time the Maple Leafs have seen military action since WWII. There are a few things they could change though...

1. Add a Team Russia - You need a vodka-drinking, steroids taking squad that spits at umpires and says Drago one-liners from Rocky 4. It makes the game of baseball about 1,000 times more fun to watch and the USA USA USA chants would be so much louder. Heck, if Putin was on the team ratings would go through the roof.

2. Go by North Korea rules - Since they've made their own brand of basketball, what about a brand of baseball? I'm sure it would be something like if you strike out its minus a run and if you hit the wall its four runs. If you hit into a double play, you're sent to a labor camp...

3. WWE-like entrances - If you can copy Apollo Creed's "Living in America" entrance from Rocky 4, that would be great for team USA. I'm thinking some techno-geek minimalist entrance for the Netherlands team.

4. What's Barry Bonds doing these days? - If America doesn't want him, couldn't another country take a flyer on him?

5. REALLY unique baseball stadiums - We get all up in a fuss when there's a warehouse in a major league ballpark. What if Team England had Big Ben in their centerfield stadium, or Team France played under the Eiffel Tower? The kicker would be if Team Canada had an actual Bigfoot wildlife preserve next to their bullpen.

(Get your Team USA gear here.)

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