EPIC movies you need to watch to survive in college

If you haven't seen these movies because (a) your parents don't let you watch PG movies, (b) you came from an Amish community, (c) you didn't have electricity because you lived in Romania until age 14 or (d) you're a communist, than I would suggest going down to your local movie store and renting them.

If you didn't meet the following criteria than you have no excuse and you've lived a very sad childhood. You're so pop culturally inept that you think that McLovin' is a new fast food burger.

Please get the independent movie rod out of your butt and watch some of these fine examples of American cinema.

The Original Star Wars Trilogy

Otherwise, the Family Guy episode of "Star Wars" is completely not funny. Although it is interesting to see how Chris makes a way better Luke Skywalker than Mark Hamill.

Indiana Jones Trilogy

Since the fourth one of Harrison Ford in a nursing home isn't out yet, I can't yet add the wheelchair races to the collection of Indiana Jones movies, but we'll see (Put old people in front of giant rolling rock and we might have an interesting movie). Who didn't pretend to be Indiana Jones when they were a kid? And how many people ended up cutting themselves trying to use a bullwhip.

And where the hell did they get the bullwhip?

I personally hate Nazis, they're a bunch of bloody jerks, so to see Indiana Jones kick their butts is really all you need for an evening of entertainment. That, and Sean Connery.

GoldenEye

I'm going to piss a lot of people off here who have a lot of macho-ism problems but Bond movies suck. They're generally long-drawn out affairs with a lot of pointless dialogue and lame acting. Luckily, that means you only have to watch one very good James Bond movie to feel like you've felt the whole secret agent part of our movie culture.

GoldenEye has it all: Tank chase scene, wonderful ending battle with the main villain and of course, one super awesome N64 game. Just ignore the whole computers from 1994 thing.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Set aside a weekend, take lots of bathroom breaks and digest Peter Jackson's masterpiece. While the running times are long, the story and characters will envelop you but I would highly recommend stopping for a few hours if you feel the urge to start a World of Warcraft account.

The Goonies

I think we all grew up with a Chunk in our childhood. And if you haven't seen Sloth on the big screen you're never going to understand why your buddies go "Hey you guuuuuyyyyysss!" when that lumpy kid walks by who's face got disfigured in a George Foreman grill accident.

Space Jam

Watching Bill Murray play basketball is worth the price of a nine dollar DVD from Walmart.

Rocky 4

Skip all the other Rocky movies because they're either too deep of flicks or just horrible (the series really swayed back and fourth). For a happy medium, watch Rocky 4. It's terribly hammy, cheesy, whatever, but that's Stallone at his best.

Tombstone

Actually watch this movie every week if you can. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday. Need I say more.

The Mighty Ducks Trilogy

I would suggest the second one "D2" when they square off against Team Iceland in the Junior Goodwill Games. You wouldn't think it, but apparently Junior Goodwill Hockey teams have to deal with endorsements, fame and TV cameras, because people really do care about how middle-schoolers do in international competition.

Back to the Future Trilogy

I want a hoverboard. I know they don't exist but I don't care. I want a hoverboard. And by the way, they travel to 2015 in this movie, which is seven years from now.

We have that amount of time to wait before we get hoverboards.

I'm counting down the days.