I'm broke now after buying this stuff

Went on a crazy shopping spree, looking like I've be receiving these items in the mail...

Desktop USB Nerf Dart Cannon - I'm sick of co-workers getting on my computer. Therefore an automated cannon of nerf doom would keep them away. My work space is more heavily defended than the Atlantic Wall (that's a WW2 reference, look it up).

Snowball thrower - It snows in Montana. Some people think its funny to throw snowballs. Not so after I get done with them. This perfectly designed kicking ass device should put a face-full of snow at any person dumb enough to think they can go all Nolan Ryan on me. I counter your Nolan Ryan with my Duke Nukem.

Backyard Ice Rink - Forget the Outdoor classic. Hockey on TV is stupid. In person? It's going to be pretty freakin' awesome when I have the only ice rink in Polson. Too bad I'm gonna have to put it in the neighbor's parking spot.

Tauntaun sleeping bag - "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside." ... actually that's just me farting. My bad.

Star Wars Garbage Compacter scene bookends - "Listen to them R2, they're dying!" Nope, just Chuck Testa. Or rather the coolest bookends I've ever seen in the 26 years of my life!

Cat turn table - Because cats know how to party.

Ghostbusters sign - You know how effing stupid those dumbass "Ghost Hunter" shows are on SyFy? They're about as dumb as this sign is awesome. I don't need infrared cameras and you making fake ghosts noises off camera. All I need is this sign. I aint afraid of no ghosts.

Jedi Shower Robe - I mean what other time would I be allowed to wear a Jedi Robe and not get laughed at? Okay never, but I mean if I'm gonna wear a shower rob, it might as well make me look like an intergalactic badass.

Facebook shower curtain - People say I'm always online. This would only prove it.

Epic Photo: Best hair band ever

Move over Whitesnake!

Epic Photo: This is how Ewoks do...

Ask storm-troopers about this...

George Lucas is a terrible old man

This weekend, Star Wars brought in 23 million dollars which would have been a major disappointment if it were a new movie. Instead it's a re-release of arguably the worst Star Wars movie ever made: The Phantom Menace.

This time in 3D. Hooray, I can see that awful podrace sequence and stilted acting in all dimensions! Granted I'll have to wear some greasy pair of glasses that's been worn 100 times before me. But it's Star Wars right?!?!

Come on folks, George Lucas needs to be saved from himself. He dumpster fired the Indiana Jones series with the fourth installment. He destroyed all credibility Star Wars had with the awful Episode I, the laughable Episode II and the "Oh this isn't godawful so if must be awesome" Episode III.

It wouldn't be so bad except we're going to see these prequels re-released in theaters in 3D and then the original Star Wars movies will be released after that. Again. For the umpteenth time, the same Star Wars movies in theaters. La-Dee-Da. Star Wars fans need to be released from their own maker's crazy marketing schemes. 

Here's an idea George, make a new movie, stop re-releasing the same old movies with minor tweaks. I know you're making a butt load of money but at least act like you're trying. You re-released these movies after they were originally run. Then you released the special editions. How many times can you beat on a dead Ewok?

Can't wait in six years when the Platinum Ultra Cool Super Sweet Editions of his six movies hit theaters again that feature more Natalia Portman cleavage or something.

And now can you excuse me, I have to buy a Tie Fighter toy online.

Epic Photo: Where stormtroopers go...

Something tells me this happens a lot.

How to deal with an Ewok attack...

Glacier Park is an awesome, wonderful place in Western Montana. It's an American treasure and people love coming here to experience nature at it's best. There is plenty of wildlife to see, but you have to respect the wildlife. The most dangerous isn't the Grizzlies, it's these little bastards...

Glacier National Park has seen a rash of...

1. Stolen speeder bikes
2. Kidnapped Princesses
3. Stormtroopers with their helmets bashed in

After initial park ranger investigations, it has been discovered that these nefarious little buggers have indeed invaded the Northwest Montana ecosystem. While not dangerous unless provoked or bribed by rebel forces, Ewoks should be treated with the utmost respect.

When going out camping make sure that...

1. You carry a supply of Ewok spray or a C-3PO unit that they will worship as a god. OR have an expendable Red Shirt from Star Trek.
2. Carry a blaster and make sure you have better aim than those inept Stormtroopers.

Also make sure that you keep all garbage cans covered and if you do become entrapped in an Ewok trap make sure you have a R2 unit to cut you out.

Here is a photo of the Ewok's natural habitat...

As you can see, it's much more technologically advanced than even the largest settlements in the state of Montana. If you see one, walk away slowly and look for the nearest Seven-Eleven. Ewoks do not like Slurpies. Also make sure you avoid the ring-leader of all Ewoks...

This douche should be avoided at all costs. You can find him at some of the most dangerous spots in Montana...

1. Washington-Grizzly Stadium
2. University Alum's granddaughters birthday parties
3. Special political events
4. A crack house.

So please be safe, and be aware of Ewoks in their nature habitat in Glacier National Park and Western Montana.

The Force is not with this guy

Epic Photo: That's no moon, that's a watermelon

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Coolest desk ever

When I make my millions, I am soooo getting this desk.

Reasons why you're still single...

You own this t-shirt, which is available online for purchase!

It's also a sign you haven't had a female over since they release Episode I: The Phantom Menace. And that was your cousin...

Epic Photo: What stormtroopers do on their day off

That's right, they play Wii.

Epic Photo: Looks like we might have to brush up on our Sith speak

Darth Vader better know how to parallel park because he certainly isn't fitting that in any parking garage.

Epic Photo: Jabba the Snowman

No word yet if there was a snow-bikini Princess Leia either.

Epic Photo: The lighter side of Darth Vader

Love the accents in this photo, they really bring out the Force in him.

Chewbacca did what we all wanted to do as a 12-year old

Can we bust out a scruffy-looking nerfherder joke?

Ewoks should be respected

There is a school of thought among Star Wars fans (or as I like to say "those that have not felt the touch of a woman yet") that Ewoks pretty much ruined "Return of the Jedi", because they're basically a furry group of teddy bears and the damn things are a big focus for most of the movie.

I've got to say that I disagree. Anyone remember watching Return of the Jedi as kids? Wasn't that the best movie out of all the Star Wars because of the Ewoks not in spite of it. Not only we're they hilarious, but these things were able to defeat the most feared enforcement troopers in the galaxy. Stormtroopers has freakin' laser guns and Ewoks had rocks.

And the Ewoks won.

I'm pretty sure that makes them bad ass, in fact I think they're the Hell's Angels of the Star Wars Universe, without the bad taste in leather.

So next time you have some extra money, buy a t-shirt with an Ewok on it, or adopt an Ewok. Because they rock.

Reasons why you're still single... Chewie Shirt

You own this Chewie shirt.

Do I really need to go into detail as to why you're still single?

Or perhaps should I also mention that you also have an alternative Chewie t-shirt that you sometimes forgets to wash, just in case this one is unavaliable.

You're more likely to run into Harrison Ford and get his autograph than come up with any meaningful relationship with a female. Hopefully you enjoy the rest of your days making reproductions of the Death Star with Legos.

Epic Video: Lightsaber duel

Perhaps the next Northern Rangers video. I will be in Spokane in a few weeks. Me and Brandon together, you never know what might happen in the streets of Spokane.

Epic Photo: Proof that Al Davis is actually the emperor from Star Wars

Did you know that Al Davis actually used to coach the Raiders? Like when TV was still black and white.

I wonder if Darth Raider could use some Jedi Mind trick and have Al Davis actually draft somebody with NFL talent.

Thanks Deadspin.

Epic Video: Dance Trooper

What viewers don't know, is that this is really Brandon.