Went on a crazy shopping spree, looking like I've be receiving these items in the mail...
Desktop USB Nerf Dart Cannon - I'm sick of co-workers getting on my computer. Therefore an automated cannon of nerf doom would keep them away. My work space is more heavily defended than the Atlantic Wall (that's a WW2 reference, look it up).
Snowball thrower - It snows in Montana. Some people think its funny to throw snowballs. Not so after I get done with them. This perfectly designed kicking ass device should put a face-full of snow at any person dumb enough to think they can go all Nolan Ryan on me. I counter your Nolan Ryan with my Duke Nukem.
Backyard Ice Rink - Forget the Outdoor classic. Hockey on TV is stupid. In person? It's going to be pretty freakin' awesome when I have the only ice rink in Polson. Too bad I'm gonna have to put it in the neighbor's parking spot.
Tauntaun sleeping bag - "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside." ... actually that's just me farting. My bad.
Star Wars Garbage Compacter scene bookends - "Listen to them R2, they're dying!" Nope, just Chuck Testa. Or rather the coolest bookends I've ever seen in the 26 years of my life!
Cat turn table - Because cats know how to party.
Ghostbusters sign - You know how effing stupid those dumbass "Ghost Hunter" shows are on SyFy? They're about as dumb as this sign is awesome. I don't need infrared cameras and you making fake ghosts noises off camera. All I need is this sign. I aint afraid of no ghosts.
Jedi Shower Robe - I mean what other time would I be allowed to wear a Jedi Robe and not get laughed at? Okay never, but I mean if I'm gonna wear a shower rob, it might as well make me look like an intergalactic badass.
Facebook shower curtain - People say I'm always online. This would only prove it.