Mario's girlfriend nightmare

After just playing the latest digital rendition in plumber butt-kicking goodness "Mario Galaxy," it got me thinking about how many Mario games I've played where the princess is in trouble. With the exception of Super Mario 2 which isn't a real Mario game and should be renamed "Super Turnip Throwing," he's always trying to get this girl out of one situation or another.

It would suck to be Princess Peach's boyfriend for the following reasons.

1. She's high maintenance
"Sorry, but the princess is in another castle." Are you serious? I just jumped over steaming hot pits of Lava, fought a freakin' dinosaur and you're telling me she's not even in the castle?

2. Her friends are lame
They're short, annoying and wear funny hats.

3. She hangs out with shady characters
Bowser has captured her again? How many stinkin' times will she run into green, scaled, infinitely evil beings at the bar? Doesn't she have some sort of protection or cock block (read: fat friend)?

4. She wears the same thing every day
Pink dresses are soooo 1987.

5. She's a bad driver
Think about it, how many people do you know play Peach during a game of Mario Kart? More people go for Koopa Troopa and that guy doesn't even have opposeable thumbs.

6. She's crazy
She's lost a grasp of reality after hanging around the "Mushroom Kingdom" for so long. After all, shrooms are a gateway drug.