So when most of us go home for the holidays, we're at the viewing mercy of whatever our family wants to watch. I'm blessed to have a most graceful family that lets me sit in front of the television and watch football over Thanksgiving, even if the Seahawks are getting their butts kicked, and yell, scream, cuss and have the occasional mild turkey-induced heart attack.However, there is one show that they like that I simply must refrain from watching: CSI:Miami.
Now I'm not a big CSI fan in general, but I will concede that the original CSI is very watchable and can see why people have gotten so hooked on it. The characters work well together and you actually care how they end up.
CSI: Miami though has me wishing that the main character, Horatio Caine (played by David Caruso) would meet his untimely demise by virtue of some sort of horrible woodchipper accident. Caruso delivers every line like it's life or death, a form of over-acting that's only surpassed by William Shatner.
And combine that with writing that obviously has come from the finest that an elementary school has to offer and you have lines like this...
(Imagine this being delivered in a raspy voice akin to Batman from "The Dark Knight"
"The ONLY way you CAN honor her DEATH is to FORGIVE yourself."
And then throw in ridiculous plots like a vaporizing gun that has made its way to Miami, complete with guys actually disintegrating "Star Trek" style, and all attempt of belief by the view is out the window.
The rest of the cast is forgettable, REALLY forgettable. Just collect your average stereotypes from Cop shows and you have yourself the rest of the cast of CSI:Miami.
Blah, I'm just going to watch Law And Order: This is actually the 14th variation of the show unit.
Great post! Needless to say, I agree...LOL
ReplyDeleteWorst Actor Ever.
ReplyDeleteThis show is only rivaled by Baywatch: Nights in crappiness.
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ReplyDeleteThere are a pair of cast members in CSI: Miami that never get mentioned. They're 'Horatio Caine's' sunglasses.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to say that the sunglasses are the best actors in the show, but that would be damning them with faint praise. The best that can be said for them is that they effectively cover up a portion of David Caruso's face whenever he's wearing them.
It's a truly execrable show. No one I know likes it. In fact, most of them have a very strong negative opinion about it. Why does it still exist?
c'mon people. you mean to tell me that every police dept. in the country doesn't look up to this shit..i mean show? where else can lab geeks look for positive reinforcement that their jobs don't suck. i know where i live the scientists do all the police work. from investigating to arresting to interrogating to the science stuff to being the only staff members of the force(i say staff members because somewhere along the way they all thought that they were actual cops) to ever even shoot anybody. standard police practice is you discharge a firearm period, you get time off work. yet Ho-Caine(my clever play on words, seeing how miami is famous for co-caine)has shot at least 1 bad guy per show. find me a scientist..hmmm, i mean cop in the country to have ever shot more than 5-6 people. unlikely. plus they drive Hummers. plus there must not be any defense attorneys in south florida to tell the suspects to not admit to anything(and then to not be surprised that they get arrested after admitting to something). besides ho-caine, what else can de derived from horatio's name. oh i don't know HORATIO CAINE(HURRICANE). i'm just sayin. oh and guess what? there isn't a fuckin database for everything on earth. but don't tell them that. whare can i get one of those giant see thru computer moniters? lastly horatios a god damn creep. if you're an underage child or hispanic woman, expect those sunglasses to come off, while he tilts his head and kneels on one knee to say something like "if you ever need me, you know where i'll be" and then he'll dart off the screen to the left only to be seen posing hands on hips in front of the police station looking off into the sunset. sorry. fuck. i'm done
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