1. Go to places where there isn't a lot of people, like home and the new Yankee Stadium.2. Avoid kids. They're the little germ-spreading minions of the world. In fact never have kids either. Become a monk instead.
3. Stock up on batteries. You never know when your anti-swine flu flashlight will come in handy.
4. Avoid sick people like their the next coming of Fran Drescher.
5. Bring up the fact that you're underpaid at work, and then threaten to cough on your boss.
6. Avoid Derek Jeter, he had the swine flu.
7. Paint your doorway with sheep's blood, that way the swine flu knows to pass over.
8. Start randomly breathing and talking like Darth Vader.
9. Google "How I can avoid the swine flu" and "How I can avoid media hype."
10. Move to Canada, apparently their swine flu is much milder and actually likes to throw back a couple drinks with you before infection.
8. you do this anyways.... see "reasons why you're single.... i'm obsessed with any title that starts with the word 'star'"
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