June 24, 2009

Man Card Rules - That import car guy

Hey nothing against import cars. They're fine (in fact I drive an import car) but you wont exactly see me riding dirty in it.

Here's the thing, if a guy thinks he's hot "you know what" in an import, somebody needs to take keys to the side of his car and take away his man card.

There's nothing wrong with taking care of your car and I know there are many proud import owners out there - BUT - be aware there is "That Import Car Guy" buzzing around the highway as well.

1. Keep a lookout for him at high schools, because at age 24 - he has the pick of the litter at his old high school after his job at the local Jack-in-the-Box allowed him to afford a $15,000 car. The count of illegitimate children is so many that at any given traffic stop he usually gets rear-ended by the fathers of the 15-year old mothers.

2. Got to keep passing people, even if he is on a residential street and there are small children crossing the road. Then he's got to tailgate the nearest car and come crashing into their bumper when a squirrel comes running across the road. Always on the run this man is, from the cops (for the fore mentioned reason above), from the people he crashes into (who needs insurance man) and from his dad (he makes the car payments!)

3. For some reason, he's either wearing Tapout gear or a Yankee hat. Can't explain this except for the fact that I think along with the Yankee hat, he likes to wear Seattle Mariners gear as well since you know, they're at .500 at the moment.

4. He doesn't quite know what that ticking noise from his engine is from, but who cares?!?! He's revving that thing up the entire way so the valves are a floatin'

5. "Slim Shady" is blaring on the stereo system that was actually stolen from a mom's minivan. That's the only song that is blaring.

6. Neon Lights. Lots of them.

7. He always flashes gang signals out of the window, even though Chewelah, Wash. has no gangs whatsoever and he is certainly not a member of a gang. In fact, he never has touched a gun and tries to avoid staying out past 10 pm unless Rule No. 1 is in play.

8. He's training to be an MMA fighter even though he's 110 pounds and has as much muscle as Kate Moss.

9. His favorite movie is "2 Fast 2 Furious."

10. Just what every you do... make sure you drive as slow as possible in front of this guy just to piss him off.

No comments:

Post a Comment