Man Card Rules - That import car guy

Hey nothing against import cars. They're fine (in fact I drive an import car) but you wont exactly see me riding dirty in it.

Here's the thing, if a guy thinks he's hot "you know what" in an import, somebody needs to take keys to the side of his car and take away his man card.

There's nothing wrong with taking care of your car and I know there are many proud import owners out there - BUT - be aware there is "That Import Car Guy" buzzing around the highway as well.

1. Keep a lookout for him at high schools, because at age 24 - he has the pick of the litter at his old high school after his job at the local Jack-in-the-Box allowed him to afford a $15,000 car. The count of illegitimate children is so many that at any given traffic stop he usually gets rear-ended by the fathers of the 15-year old mothers.

2. Got to keep passing people, even if he is on a residential street and there are small children crossing the road. Then he's got to tailgate the nearest car and come crashing into their bumper when a squirrel comes running across the road. Always on the run this man is, from the cops (for the fore mentioned reason above), from the people he crashes into (who needs insurance man) and from his dad (he makes the car payments!)

3. For some reason, he's either wearing Tapout gear or a Yankee hat. Can't explain this except for the fact that I think along with the Yankee hat, he likes to wear Seattle Mariners gear as well since you know, they're at .500 at the moment.

4. He doesn't quite know what that ticking noise from his engine is from, but who cares?!?! He's revving that thing up the entire way so the valves are a floatin'

5. "Slim Shady" is blaring on the stereo system that was actually stolen from a mom's minivan. That's the only song that is blaring.

6. Neon Lights. Lots of them.

7. He always flashes gang signals out of the window, even though Chewelah, Wash. has no gangs whatsoever and he is certainly not a member of a gang. In fact, he never has touched a gun and tries to avoid staying out past 10 pm unless Rule No. 1 is in play.

8. He's training to be an MMA fighter even though he's 110 pounds and has as much muscle as Kate Moss.

9. His favorite movie is "2 Fast 2 Furious."

10. Just what every you do... make sure you drive as slow as possible in front of this guy just to piss him off.

How to get away from "that bus talking guy"

We at JustSON have had our share of riding the bus. And there is always that person that gets on just to chat with you, a complete stranger.

In many cases that person is Brandon. He has a knack for being "that talker guy on the bus to Spokane."

So, here are our Top 10 ways to lessen your chance the talker guy sits next to you.

10. Stop showering for a few days. Nobody likes stinky people.

9. Wear an iPod. Hopefully he'll get the hint.

8. Don't wear pants. That's just awkward for everyone.
7. Stare at him as he gets on the bus. Oh, don't forget to mouth, "I love you," over and over.

6. Eat a lot of beans before the bus. Gas smells. See number 10.
5. Lay across the seat. Then he won't have a place to sit.

4. Stare out the window. Never, I repeat NEVER make eye contact.

3. Pick your nose the whole ride. Nose picker!

2. Carry a purple umbrella onto the bus. The whole ride open and close it above you.

1. Scream your day story in detail with lots of obscenities. Today I went to the %^$&#* store! While I was in the (*#&!@ store I found a #$%##@ penny on the ground! It was so ^%$#@!@# shiny! I *&^%$# picked it up of the *&$#% ground!

Epic Video: This is pretty much why guys play guitar in college...

Sadly, I was the guy at the end of the video.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

That Spring Guy

For some reason, the sun tends to drive some guys to act erratically and basically be "that guy." You'll see quite a few of them rolling around in their jeeps or convertable Jettas, soaking in the warm weather and publicly showing off their douchebaggery.

Here's a couple of examples for "that guy" in the spring so you can avoid them or avoid being them.

The Shirtless "That Guy"

It's fine if you're mildly in shape and it's at the beach but when Jumbo starts bearing it all at the local convenience store... come on. There's a reason restaurants require shirts and shoes for service, they don't want you to gross out the customers.

Value Village people, two dollars for a freakin' shirt.

The Tribal Armband Tattoo "That Guy"

Not only do you have the tribal armband tattoo, an ink job that has been done roughly 300 million times in the United States after 1986, but you insist on showing it off to anyone. Nevermind your arm width would rival that of a willow twig and the size of the tattoo would make a CareBear smirk (What's that an eighth of an inch wide?).

Even the little old ladies at the coffee shop think you're a complete wreck job. Go get a tan or something.

The Goth "That Guy"

While the shirt guy is annoying, you're just a rebel against society. You're wearing a black trench coat when it's 90 degrees out. Wow. You would think somewhere in the United States, a genius would be hoping to jump on the whole goth summer wear industry. However, no one has taken the bait and you're forced to sweat off roughly 15 pounds every time you walk to campus.

Problem is you smell like a locker room after the Stanley Cup Finals.

That Wanna Play Some Ball "That Guy"

Many students are very active in the realm of sports, but you insist on playing roughly three pickup games a day. Sometimes you're the same as the shirtless "that guy" and hope that your sheen of sweat fends off any potential defenders.

It's fun to play basketball just not at six in morning "to get some hoops in before it gets hot out, broseph."

And what happen to that job you had?

The Ultimate Frisbee "That Guy"

You can't even say "If coach would have put me in during the 2002 Ultimate Frisbee playoffs we'd be state champions right now."

Because Ultimate Frisbee isn't a sport.

Go hang out with the guys that dress up and re-enact the medieval times.

The Bike "That Guy"

It's cool that you want to get in shape, but do you really have to speed through the campus mall at roughly 80 m.p.h. clipping unsuspecting red-headed journalists? Go get a scooter or something.

The Sunburn "That Guy"

Did you miss a spot with your sunscreen. Why is their a gigantic blob of red on the back of your neck. Is that your idea of a tan? If you have skin that makes Nicole Kidman look tanned, do yourself a favor and stay out of the sun.

People can't stand watching other people get cancer.

So please steer clear of these people and have an enjoyable Summer. Otherwise you might end up on Curtis' Douchebaggery on Display blog.