Yankee Stadium is a steaming pit of pitching dispair

Sometimes, ESPN.com gets it dead on...

Four more home runs by the Yankees at baseball's $1.5 billion bandbox -- all to right field -- backed Andy Pettitte in a 5-3 victory over the Tampa Bay Rays on Monday night , the start of what figures to be a challenging week for New York.

I'm so glad that in the "post" steroids era of baseball, the Yankees has decided to have a nostalgic ballpark. One so nostalgic that it hearkens back to the days when the only way teams scored were home runs. And everyone's jersey was strangely tight fitting.

Even Brett Boone's.

And since it's official that now everyone has a retro ballpark, except for the Twins (there's is coming next year) and the Devil Rays (They play in a Walmart), here are some ways that the new Yankee Stadium can feel even more retro:

1. Have a guy that looks like Ty Cobb run up into the stands, berate minorities and fight with fans.

2. Have the Yankees throw a few games and call it "Black Sox Scandal Weekend!"

3. Have the New York Waste Disposal Department start dumping their garbage at the stadium to give it that same feel that the old Yankee Stadium had.

4. Bring back the Uniform PJs. Those were fantastic. Especially if you like moose knuckles.

5. Give Yogi Berra one last at-bat. Maybe he'll turn that into a four-year deal with the Seattle Mariners.