Yankee Stadium is a steaming pit of pitching dispair

Sometimes, ESPN.com gets it dead on...

Four more home runs by the Yankees at baseball's $1.5 billion bandbox -- all to right field -- backed Andy Pettitte in a 5-3 victory over the Tampa Bay Rays on Monday night , the start of what figures to be a challenging week for New York.

I'm so glad that in the "post" steroids era of baseball, the Yankees has decided to have a nostalgic ballpark. One so nostalgic that it hearkens back to the days when the only way teams scored were home runs. And everyone's jersey was strangely tight fitting.

Even Brett Boone's.

And since it's official that now everyone has a retro ballpark, except for the Twins (there's is coming next year) and the Devil Rays (They play in a Walmart), here are some ways that the new Yankee Stadium can feel even more retro:

1. Have a guy that looks like Ty Cobb run up into the stands, berate minorities and fight with fans.

2. Have the Yankees throw a few games and call it "Black Sox Scandal Weekend!"

3. Have the New York Waste Disposal Department start dumping their garbage at the stadium to give it that same feel that the old Yankee Stadium had.

4. Bring back the Uniform PJs. Those were fantastic. Especially if you like moose knuckles.

5. Give Yogi Berra one last at-bat. Maybe he'll turn that into a four-year deal with the Seattle Mariners.

Showcasing pretty much what's wrong with the New York Yankees

You know it's a Red Sox-Yankees gameday when the "Yankees Suck!" Facebook group you just joined posts this little nugget.

Should be posted at the entrance of tonight's game: Welcome to Yankee Stadium, the house that Ruth didn't build and the tax payers did. Our pitchers suck, it's easy to steal home, A-rod is on the bench where he belongs, and you just payed us $1250 to watch us lose. Sucker.

And they did suck, as they lost to the Red Sox 6-4.

Yankees fans had wave-of-the-future Phil Hughes on the mound. He was going to start the turnaround. His pitching was going to carry the Bronx Bombers. He went four innings and gave up four and absorbed the loss.

Prized free agent Mike Teixeira hit two solo home runs for the Yankees but struck out when it mattered in the ninth. By the way, he's hitting .195 on the season and hadn't driven in a run in eight games before this one.

There were empty seats everywhere in the new Yankee Stadium, largely because of the rain delay, but the announcers said that rain or not, the game hadn't sold out.

Dylan Kitzan, who leads the Spokane area in love for Boston's Jason Bay sent me this text "If Bay were a woman, I'd be stalking him right now." And you know what, I agree with him, he's making Red Sox fans quickly forget about that Ramirez fellow.

Bay homered tonight, and unlike Teixeira, there was actually a man on base when he did it. Did I mention he played baseball at Gonzaga University?

All in all, that makes it 4-0 over the Yankees so far this season, as their fans collectively find a noose somewhere to go hang themselves. At least maybe their life insurance will be enough to afford seats at the new stadium.

JustSON Question: Is Tropicana Field the new cathedral for baseball?

Well, at least Tampa Bay's stadium doesn't have any wind current problems and I'm pretty sure the seats behind home plate are less expansive then a down payment on a new Mercedes. The turfed-catwalked-domed stadium apparently has been giving the Red Sox some problems as they dropped their second game in a row yesterday at the Trop.

Going from grass to turf has to be tough and unnatural. I would have to imagine that with the stadium being so... different (read... craptastic)... from other ballparks, wouldn't the warehouse-ish Tropicana Field lend a certain aura of home field advantage?

Do the Tampa Bay Rays now have a better homefield advantage than the New York Yankees?

(and I'm not talking fans as I'm pretty sure more Red Sox fans show up to Rays games than actual Rays fans.)

Epic Video: Last game at Yankee Stadium

A perfect look at Yankee fans.