August 11, 2009

Can we stop the nasty at sporting events?

Come on America, you're better than this.

People will drop everything to rip their shirts off in the Tri-Cities for Cotten-eye Joe in one of the worst dancing traditions in sports history - but some Spokanites and Americans in general also like to enjoy a little strip-page at games.

Please keep in mind before you do this that (1) nobody wants to see your flabby self in the half-nude and (2) nobody wants to see you grind up against your wife/girlfriend. Since when did this become acceptable behavior in public? I'm all for having a good time but this sort of thing should be reserved for Animal House sequels and the Toyota Center in Kennewick, Wash.

Also not that in the above photo, this man's zipper is UNDONE. Yep. You stay classy.

Along with public displays of horrible dancing, I've also heard an number of stories concerning people that go out to the ballpark to makeout in front of everyone. Don't give me that crap about being in love, you're still a member of society and you should still be somewhat aware that you're doing it with an audience.

Again, when did that suddenly become a good idea for couples. "Hey honey, let's go blow 20 bucks on tickets and go mack out in front of complete strangers... sounds like a blast!" It's called a couch in the comfort of your home.

And I'm being light on how far these couples go - let's just say there's a few extra-base hits going on in front of kids, normal people and the rest of the viewing public.

... like have you ever heard of decency? Don't you feel just a wee bit embarrassed. I'm all for pretending to make babies, but do it in the privacy of your own home, not in a sporting venue.

Now if your will excuse me, I have to get the mental image of a 300-pounder with a g-string out of my mind.

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