Showing posts with label couples. Show all posts
Showing posts with label couples. Show all posts

August 11, 2009

Can we stop the nasty at sporting events?

Come on America, you're better than this.

People will drop everything to rip their shirts off in the Tri-Cities for Cotten-eye Joe in one of the worst dancing traditions in sports history - but some Spokanites and Americans in general also like to enjoy a little strip-page at games.

Please keep in mind before you do this that (1) nobody wants to see your flabby self in the half-nude and (2) nobody wants to see you grind up against your wife/girlfriend. Since when did this become acceptable behavior in public? I'm all for having a good time but this sort of thing should be reserved for Animal House sequels and the Toyota Center in Kennewick, Wash.

Also not that in the above photo, this man's zipper is UNDONE. Yep. You stay classy.

Along with public displays of horrible dancing, I've also heard an number of stories concerning people that go out to the ballpark to makeout in front of everyone. Don't give me that crap about being in love, you're still a member of society and you should still be somewhat aware that you're doing it with an audience.

Again, when did that suddenly become a good idea for couples. "Hey honey, let's go blow 20 bucks on tickets and go mack out in front of complete strangers... sounds like a blast!" It's called a couch in the comfort of your home.

And I'm being light on how far these couples go - let's just say there's a few extra-base hits going on in front of kids, normal people and the rest of the viewing public.

... like have you ever heard of decency? Don't you feel just a wee bit embarrassed. I'm all for pretending to make babies, but do it in the privacy of your own home, not in a sporting venue.

Now if your will excuse me, I have to get the mental image of a 300-pounder with a g-string out of my mind.

July 10, 2009

How to tell if you're whipped...

1. You have one of those two-seat bicycles that you and your girlfriend ride everywhere. Even to work. And she sits in the front seat.

2. During Monday Night Football, you're watching The Bachelorette.

3. You're friends think you went missing on Everest because they haven't seen you in three "cuddling night" cycles.

4. You don't dress yourself, nor do you buy your own clothes.

5. You sometimes have to pretend to be Edward from Twilight because your girlfriends wants you to on role playing night.

6. You haven't talked to another woman in four years.

7. You haven't watched an NFL game in five.

8. Your social circle consist of five other couples, and when you get to hang out with just the guys of those couples (usually when the girls are doing some facial or weight loss thingy) ... you all sit down to plot your escape.

9. You put the toilet seat down.

10. You've been forced to actually read the novelization of "Never Been Kissed."