October 5, 2009

Things I learned during Week 4 of the NFL

- Seneca Wallace is not the quarterback of the future. Unless the world is about to end, than that would almost be fitting.

- Apparently when your quarterback throws for 128 yards and has a rating of 48.5, you're the Oakland Raiders. And you just lost another game.

- The Bengals apparently think this is the 1980s and are now 3-1. Cincinnati fans haven't been this excited since before Carson Palmer's knee was reduced to goo in the playoffs.

- Peyton Manning is on pace to become the first NFL quarterback to throw for more yards than the distance between the Earth and the Moon. Joey Harrington is still working on the distance between his couch on his refrigerator.

- Don't count this man out. DON'T EVER COUNT THIS MAN OUT. When he's buried six feet under the ground, cornerbacks for teams playing against the Patriots should be worried how they're going to utilize Wes Welker Jr.

- The Washington Redskins haven't officially started the season until they get booed three separate times at home in a win against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

- I'm discovering new pains, as the Tennessee Titans are 0-4 and I'm seriously thinking about when they're going to let Vince Young start and how Sam Bradford looks in blue.

- The Saints are the best team in the NFL right now. Drew Brees is also apparently trying to copy every mannerism of Steve Nash. I smell "Single White Female" similarities, but more in the same line as "Single White Unathletic Looking Athlete that's actually freakin' amazin"

- Mark Sanchez is actually human. Or at least I hope so otherwise the machines are starting to take over and we're all royally screwed.

- The Broncos are 4-0 and suddenly Kyle Orton is going to become the most eligible Steve Buscemi look alike.

- The 49ers decided to hold a team scrimmage against some street bums in St. Louis uniforms.

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