December 9, 2009

Things Tiger Woods shouldn't do at the moment...

1. Go to a Perkins. Although you know they saw in a spike in business from 50-year old golf birds who just had to "try the waters" there.

2. Record a Christmas special with "Santa's Elves"

3. Do a special piece with Playboy Magazine "See the stuff Tiger is doing now!"

4. Change his Tiger Gatorade to a form of Viagra.

5. Become a Student Driver instructor.

6. Host a big party with all the women he slept with. (Something tells me that his mansion might become the second-largest city in Florida if he does that)

7. Write a tell-all book about how he actually wore a wig on the golf course and did Crystal Meth with John Daly once. (And yes, you would expect John Daly to do something like that)

8. Do a sideline interview with Suzy Kolber.

9. Hang out with Bill Clinton.

10. Say "I mean seriously, aren't you a little jelous?"

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