January 30, 2010

Movies I'd just rather avoid...

I've found myself with a lot more free time lately, giving me more chances to watch movies. However, I've discovered I should probably stay away from these piles of poo...

1. Land of the Lost 2 - Unless this is about Balloon Boy and his parents, I'm not paying eight bucks for Will Ferrell to do his best impression of Adam Sandler's career.

2. Any movie starring post-POTC Mel Gibson - Since the bubbly "What Women Want" image has been totally ruined with that nasty bigot attitude he decided to take on. I mean at this point, couldn't they just re-release Lethal Weapon 2?

3. Michael Moore's documentary on how the government makes people fat - because I'm pretty sure it's not the government, I'm sure it's Moore's addiction to french fries.

4. Sex in the City: The Movie - aka the search for more money because the cast blew all the money they made during the TV series on shoes. Every guy goes through a phase of his life where he watches this series with his girlfriend, finds that it's actually pretty funny and then he sees one of the cast members naked and wants to stab his eyeballs.

5. Any movie based on horses - really? Who gives an flying F about horses? If I wanted to see large furry beasts running around with guys on their backs I'd rent "Montana Girls Gone Wild"

6. Canadian Movies - they're in french and they use the metric system.

7. That movies with the computer animated smurfs - I have barely heard of this one, I think it's called Ervertar or something.

8. ESPN Original Films - otherwise known as "we just wanted to take three million dollars and set it on fire just to see what it does" or "what not to do if you're a film student at USC" or "we've officially jumped the shark and we're not showing sports anymore."

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! I'm a girl who has watched Sex in the City once. . .that once being an episode where the red head wears a bathing suit and has been too depressed to shave--I spit on Your Grave did less damage to me. Cheers.