JustSON at the Movies: Olympus Has Fallen

I'm all for the popcorn action flick that requires you to suspend reality to enjoy the movie, but when it completely disregards the intelligence of the audience, it's lost me. That, in a nutshell, is Olympus Has Fallen. The latest movie by Training Day's Antoine Fuqua is a violent, ham-fisted mess that uses every Die Hard cliche in the book and plays on America's xenophobic fears.

The North Koreans' ... fresh off taking over Spokane in "Red Dawn... assault on the White House is what should have been the centerpiece of this flick. I can believe the White House would get assaulted by a foreign nation - we're still stinging from 9/11 - but this movie sets its tone very early by assuming that American security is about as lax and incompetent as Mark Sanchez playing quarterback for the New York Jets.

In this post 9/11 era where I have to get a cavity search if somebody finds a ball-point pen in my pocket, seeing an unidentified plane fly over Washington DC and take out the Washington Monument ... it's not just unbelievable, it completely insulting. The plane finds a way to take out two F-22s who decided to responded a few blocks from the White House with ... Gatling guns (which apparently are more accurate than seeker missiles when taking out every secret service agent around the White House) ... and then the US just sends one more jet fighter after that. I guess they were making cutbacks in the Air Force in this movie's universe?

(In reality the plane would have shot down over Maryland)

When a busload of tourists turn out to be North Korean commandos stormed the White House, we get the "Air Force One" inspired shoot out where the secret service agents are forced to fight automatic-armed baddies. Unlike Air Force One where it was a plane where nobody should have had automatic weapons in the first place, the people guarding the White House have apparently never seen such armament and just keep storming out in the open and into a spray of bullets.

Gerald Butler does a serviceable job as the former secret service agent for the President (Who eventually gets captured in the White House's secret bunker because of an inside job) who comes back to save the day. Morgan Freeman is vintage Freeman as the Speaker of the House, while Commander-in-Chief Aaron Eckhart always radiates on screen no matter what he does. But it doesn't make up for a script that pays no attention to things like logic and making the least bit of sense.

Without spoiling too much we're supposed to believe that...
(1) The US would rather see North Korea invade South Korea and a Nuclear Holocaust than having their president die. I know it's cold-hearted but logically the US would not want to kill millions for the benefit of one. Simply put.

(2) Once the White House was taken, the Army wouldn't take it back. Suffering from the same problem that "The Dark Knight Rises" has, the US just wouldn't back away and let the terrorists have their way without a fight?

(3) It takes 15 minutes for any Army personnel to respond to something at the White House, even though its technically the most protected building on the planet? I joked during the movie that they must have stopped for Starbucks on the way to the White House.

(4) Pulling the Seventh Fleet and tens of thousands of US soldiers from Korea would take just a few minutes.

There's several other logical fallacies in this movie, that if explained or at least acknowledged by the filmmakers, it would have been much more enjoyable. We are left with, however, is the most powerful nation on Earth being portrayed as stupid and Gerald Butler being our only salvation.

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

(Just buy Air Force One, it's way better.)

JustSON at the Movies: Ganster Squad

I was able to catch Ganster Squad last night at The Olympic Club in Centralia, which is an awesome late-release theater in the back of one of their bars. It allows you to get drinks and menu items in a relaxed lounge atmosphere while watching the movie. For $2, I was pleasantly entertained for an evening with Gangster Squad.

That being said though, it could have been better. This movie was kind of like the Sam Bowie of flicks. It had a great cast, intriguing time piece concept and what appeared to be good characters. But it fell flat.

The first two/thirds of the movie where we're introduced to the crew of Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling and a specially assembled crew of cops that try to take down mobster Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) in post-WW2 Los Angeles. For the first part of the movie, the stylish and funny take on the story really works. You find yourself really enjoying what's happening even though its been done before in just about  every gangster/underworld of Hollywood movie.

That's fine though, I wasn't expecting Oscar-worthy material here. It was definitely sliding in at a solid B rating, something I might pick up on DVD and pop in whenever my friends and I wanted to watch a good flick with plenty of one-liners.

Then the last third of the movie hit and it all kind of fell flat. A couple of things really started to get annoying or rear their ugly head by this point.

1. Gosling starts out in the movie as this kind of on-the-fence cop and his careless attitude really works in that part of the movie. It just feels like he stops acting and his scenes with Emma Stone are about as flat as you can be. Not what you want when you're going for that glamorous "Golden Age of Hollywood" feel.

2. There's plenty of characters in this film, but they're never really fleshed out or really explored. They just become stereotypes and that means you care less about them.

3. Sean Penn's portrayal of Mickey Cohen is cartoonish at best. They don't paint him as a clever guy just someone who is extremely violent. The most annoying part was when he would kill his underlings for failing him instead of just seeking out the Gangster Squad members and killing them. Cohen goes around killing everyone else except the Gangster Squad, who don't wear masks and leave the mobsters at the scene alive to identify them. So he's not a respectable villain. Not at all.

4. The action moved along well until we hit the "Cohen strikes back and makes general life hell for the Gangster Squad members" part of the movie. For the above mentioned reason, people die without a real reason, and then two main characters are killed without any real affect or outcome on the story. Everything gets muddled and just becomes a movie trailer without any real cause and effect or reason for actions being taken.

That being said though, still a somewhat enjoyable ride. Popcorn flick for sure. Just don't expect to have your mind blown.

Final Grade: 3 out of 5

(Get the Gangster Squad Blu-ray here.)

A Hobbit's Review: Way Better Than Expected

(Want to get the Lord of the Rings? Buy the Blu Ray Here)

Having read a few reviews before going to see "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" I didn't have the highest of expectations for the movie. Many critics say it was long, drawn out and cast in the exact same dye as the original Lord of the Rings trilogy (which, I really see no problem with.). I did avoid the 3D 48fps version and went with the old-fashioned regular frame rate 2D version because some people said it spoiled the fantasy feeling of the movie by feeling to realistic.

I was also a bit skeptical about splitting The Hobbit into three movies, since it was a 300-page book.

However, about halfway through the movie I decided "this is better than the book." And I think that's the first time in the history of movies that you can say that. Since it's a three-movie series, Peter Jackson is allowed to fill in the blanks on some events in the book that are basically written out in just one or two pages. For the most part, he hits every single nuance that the first 100 pages of the Hobbit offers in this first movie. If you just read the book (which I have, again), you'll be shocked just how faithful he is to the source material and how impressed you'll be with the changes he makes.

Some people criticized Jackson for taking too long in the movie to get out of the Shire, but the initial dwarf scenes are highly entertaining and if you didn't like them you probably didn't like the original three LOTR movies.

One of the qualms I had with the first three films was just how wimpy Frodo was for the majority of the time. It became the least favorite of the storylines that split out, despite a great performance by Sean Austin as Sam. The hobbit in this flick, the affable Bilbo Baggins, played by Martin Freeman, is the highlight of this movie. He played the reluctant traveler, bewildered by his circumstances absolutely wonderfully. He also comes across much more capable and clever than Frodo appeared in the first three films. Freeman is a highlight of the film for sure.

I also must say I'm happy the dwarves weren't played as completely comical but still entertaining. Gimli was used as too much as comic relief in the first three flicks, so it feels good they get their due. It also must be noted that had it not been for the first three LOTR movies, these flicks would never be made because what Hollywood studio would okay a flick about 13 short people and an old wizard? None. Jackson isn't afraid to take risks and portray the most unique parts of the book.

The whole dwarves showing up at Bilbo's place? Done. The riddle game with Gollum (Who's just fantastic this time around, really a great, wonderful piece of cinema right there)? Yep. Escaping from the Trolls by distracting them till sunrise? Yeah, it's in there. All things and devices that aren't normally used in Hollywood films and Jackson pulls them off wonderfully.

He also adds some very wonderful human scenes where some emotions and feelings are fleshed out. Bilbo's tenuous relationship with the dwarves, and their loss of home that I don't feel was really put front and center in the original book. It's a nice layer that makes me feel the movie is deeper than the book.

The only times I felt slightly distracted during the film was the addition of some things obviously meant to make sure audiences remember this is connected with the Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit really starts out as a plundering adventure for gold, but Jackson tries his hardest to make sure everything is connected to the originally trilogy (including an impromptu meeting between Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel and Saruman the White that just feels very tacked on in order to make the audience feel like this is a more important adventure than it is. There is a nice monologue by Gandalf about Hobbits in there, however.

There pursuing orc band added into the film, obviously meant to give an active bad guy force to root against is slightly annoying just because it feels like it's needed for us "dumb" audiences. Unless we have some overlying bad guy force, we can't enjoy the movie? Come on.

Thorin is pretty bad ass, and flawed as a hero, which makes him almost more likeable that Strider in the first flick. The dwarves are most fleshed out as characters than the dwarves in the book. The action scenes are clever and playful. It really does feel like Jackson was the right person to move J.R. Tolkien's material along.

It's nice we're back in Middle Earth. It's definitely familiar but that's okay.

FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS

Man of Steel Official Trailer

Superman has always been my favorite superhero. Sure there have been other superheros that have come out that have perhaps been cooler, flashier or with sweet gadgets. But for me it was something entirely different. You see Superman was the first comic book that I ever read because my mom had read them as a little kid and gave me them when I was young.

I loved the original Superman The Movie with Christopher Reeve. And when Smallville came out on the WB (now the CW) I started watching from that very first episode and never missed one for the entire 10 seasons Smallville was on.

So it was only natural that when I heard that Warner Bros was making a new Superman movie I was giddy with antcipation. And when the teaser trailer came out this summer I watched it over and over and over hoping for more.

And then today the first FULL trailer came out! I about jumped out of my skin with excitement. And let me tell you, it didn't disappoint. I can't wait for next summer. So watch and let us know what you think. Are you excited for Man of Steel?

Red Dawn: The commies invade again?

When the 1984 version of "Red Dawn" pops up on cable television, you can't help but stop on the channel and watch Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen fight the Russians. Back at the height of Cold War tensions, Red Dawn hit the paranoia of Americans and mixed it with 80s action film magic. It wasn't winning any academy awards, but the concept and the way they pulled it off made it highly entertaining and perhaps the most Republican film ever made.

(Here you can buy the original Red Dawn)

So now in 2012, with the Cold War over, America being the country invading other nations and occupying them, they decide its time for a remake. Why? It's Hollywood and they have no original ideas. That's exactly the issue with this film. In 1984, it was at least plausible that the Russians would get pissed at us, gather up a few allies and decide to invade the United States. It tapped into some real world fears and the film has just a tinge or realism and desperation to it that keeps you on edge for the whole running time.

In the remake, the enemy is North Korea. They changed it from the Chinese to North Korea because they wanted to be able to market this film in China and make a ton of money. So instead of the United States' largest trading partner who would gain nothing by invading, a third world country with an antique military and  a starving population takes us over with the help of a new "superweapon" that doesn't make up for the fact that North Korea probably doesn't have an Air Force or a Navy capable of crossing the Pacific.

The premise is just so ridiculous, during serious plot points of the film, the audience finds itself laughing more than taking the brass tacks of the invasion seriously. I howled when I heard the main character played by Chris Hemsworth (you know, Thor) say "They didn't come all this way for just Seattle and Spokane."

Another small qualm, after growing up near Spokane - the supposed setting of Red Dawn, the place looks nothing like Spokane. It was shot in Michigan and I can forgive the principle photography differences or real streets and buildings but the overall CGI shots look nothing like the Lilac City and the filmmakers make the city look much, much bigger than its supposed to be. I kind of wanted to see some more homages to my home city. All the filmmakers had to do was log onto Wikipedia and they'd realize no Western Washington rain forests (where the high school kids hide out) are anywhere near Spokane.

Now the plot is much more abbreviated and much campier than the original. High school kids survive invasion of city, and regroup to fight North Koreans since apparently every American has a store of automatic weapons lying about. 'Murica. It's still an entertaining action film, it just can't be taken too seriously. What is very weird about the remake is that it feels a lot more shallower than the original. The movie doesn't have any gore to speak of. There's only the death of a few of the high school characters and they're glossed over. In the original they made of point of saying "hey look, kids are DYING."

For some reason, the war part is more glorified in the remake. That's right, in 2012 we have a Hollywood movie that glorifies violence and killing people without a conscious in a remake of a 1980s action movie. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Case in point, the 1984 version ends with the names of all the kids that died in the war and something of a prologue by the main character. It's a pretty sorrow ending.

In 2012, the main character is rallying more people to fight the North Koreans with a heroic speech about, you guessed it, Murica!

Maybe that's where we're at right now as a country.

There's a few caveats thrown in for fans of the original, so keep your eyes peeled. Hemsworth does a great job as Jed, the leader of the high school kids. Josh Peck plays his younger brother and looks high all the time, it's really, really annoying.

I'd say watch this one when it comes out on Netflix. Popcorn fun, but a brain-dead remake with no real message or substance to it. It was a remake that didn't need to be remade.

1 OUT OF 5 STARS  

(Seriously just go and buy the original Red Dawn)

Captain Planet live action movie

Oh yes, you read that headline correct.

Cartoon Network announced today it has signed a deal with Angry Filmworks to develop a Captain Planet live-action feature film:

Cartoon Network has signed a development agreement with action-adventure producer Don Murphy and partner Susan Montford and their company Angry Filmworks to develop a live-action motion picture based on the groundbreaking, environment-saving animated hero, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, it was announced today by Stuart Snyder, president and COO of Turner Broadcasting System Inc.’s Animation, Young Adults and Kids Media division (AYAKM). The agreement gives Murphy and his company the exclusive rights to develop and package the property and advance it towards production

Harry Potter!

Went last night to the Polson Showboat Theater for the midnight showing of Harry Potter and it was weird to begin with for a couple of reasons.

1. I hadn't seen the last three movies so I was a little behind on what was going on in the whole Harry Potter universe but I'm sure you can excuse me for that since I'm a 20-something male and being a hard-core Potter fan would just be a wee bit weird.

2. I was watching the movie in Polson, MT and it literally felt like everyone in town was at the movie. No joke. And the dressing up was at a minimum because that's not who they roll in Montana.

3. Our paper had just done a feature on how the theater had switched from film to digital projectors so it was cool to see the kind of new-wave of theater technology.

Anyways, it was an awesome movie but I won't go into too much critical analysis because me talking about Harry Potter would be like Miley Cyrus talking about the NFL... not exactly an expect on the whole thing but there were some things I liked about it though.

SPOILER ALERT - I'm not going to ruin the entire movie, but come on, don't freak out... the books have been out for a long time.

1. Be prepared for akward cleavge shots of Hermione. Not kidding.

2. I found myself laughing at Voldemort more than being scared of him. This guy is like Charlie Sheen, Smeagle and the bad guy from "Waterworld" all rolled into one. Every scene he's in, it's very entertaining namely because he's the wizard version of that bar guy douche.

3. Final Epic Battle in the Matrix Trilogy < Final Epic Battle in the Harry Potter Series. It's pretty awe-inspiring and in this age where we've seen roughly a million different takes on a huge battle, this one is pretty unique and awesome.

4. Voldemort handles crunch time about as well as Lebron James.

Moneyball

"Moneyball" starring Brad Pitt is set to be released September 23rd, 2011. It's based on the book by Michael Lewis about Billy Beane, general manager of MLB's Oakland A's and how he had to create a winning team with a budget that's smaller than that of nearly every other team.

Michael Lewis also wrote "The Blind Side."

I think the trailer looks pretty good. What do you think?

Why Gladiator is the best film ever made

So my buddy Eric will watch Apollo 13 anytime its on TV, and then after that he will put in the DVD and watch it again.

And why wouldn't you? It features Tom Hanks, the Cal Ripken Jr. of actors, Bill Paxton, who made the best tornado-themed movie ever and Kevin Bacon (for the ladies of course).

Throw in that Ron Howard, the most successful ginger ever, is the director and the fact that it is about the space program and it's a can't-miss.

However, I will digress that it's perhaps the greatest film ever. That goes to Gladiator, directed by Ridley Scott.
Buy Gladiator on Blu-ray.

Now I probably talk a lot more about Star War, Star Trek and Indiana Jones but those are more like guilty nerd pleasures than actual "greatest films ever." They have plenty of fluff in them that make them more like dessert than the main course.

Gladiator, on the other hand, no matter how you break it down, is the best action flick. It's the best character flick. It's the best historical flick. It's good on so many levels, and anytime I see it on television, I'm definitely watching the whole thing. How can I tell that Gladiator is so good? Consider the following...

1. Every movie since it that has been made has the "walking through the wheat field as a woman sings" scene - Seriously, it's perhaps the most over-used movie cliche since 2000. Any movie thats even remotely historic or set anywhere near the time of the Romans (or medieval, or even space-age, people just aren't original anymore) has the walking through the wheat field scene. What's great too is that Scott completely improvised that. He was like "Oh wheat? Jerry put on those Roman gauntlets and walk around, I'm going to shoot your hand touching the wheat for like four minutes on film."

2. How many HBO series have been about Gladiators now? - Like 80? I mean come on HBO... just stick to boxing.

3. I still feel like Russell Crowe could kick anyones ass - Was this possible the best casting choice of all time? During the entire movie did ever you feel like "oh well, a guy like Russell couldn't actually do that." Nope. Crowe is the kind of guy that if you meet in the bar you avoid hitting on his girlfriend at all costs and actually ask him if he'd like to take your girlfriend home.

4. It came before the rush of epic movies - You can thank the Lord of the Rings for that, but Gladiator was kind of on the cutting edge of the "epic movie" in the late 90s, early 2000s. Now they're a dime a dozen. What is crazy too is how remarkable the CGI holds up even though its 11 years old (Watch Jurrassic park and the CGI dinosaurs look like Sega Genesis monsters), and the fact that the first battle scene in the movie wasn't CGI at all.

5.Joaquin Phoenix - He's legitimately crazy, but perhaps the best villain I've seen in a movie. He's so good in fact, you feel sorry for him for much of the movie. Just wonderfully acted and this was before he started to embark on his rapping career.

6. It's not an art house film - Screw those. Go back to France.

7. Ridley Scott is not James Cameron - Here's the thing, Ridley Scott is british, and he started out making music videos and I believe commercials meaning that he doesn't BS like other directors such as James Cameron. Cameron will go on and on and on about how artful his 80s action movies are and nobody gives a rats ass. What Cameron wont tell you is that his movies are woefully lacking in any sort of depth. Since studios give him 200 million dollars to make movies, they generally tend the be fairly entertaining because the guy can do anything he wants. Scott? He's a workman, he's put out great flicks like Alien and Blade Runner and when you listen to him, he's most interested in making it a movie thats great for the audience than about talking about how great he is.

8. It's about Rome - I wouldn't generally want to live in the past, but if I could live in Rome, I would sooo be in.

9. Perhaps the greatest main character death scene of all time - It barely beats out John Wayne getting shot in the "Sands of Iwo Jima" and Spock dying in "Star Trek 2."

10. 11 years later, nobody is debating whether or not it should have won Best Picture - Seriously go back and look at who wins Best Picture at the Academy Awards. It's an interesting look back at what our culture was thinking at that time and you'll usually respond with "Jesus, why the hell did they pick that movie?" but when you come across Gladiator, you're like "Yup, that sounds about right."

The King's Snooze-fest

I'm sure The King's Speech is a wonderful movie.

Judging from the clips they've shown so far in the movie I can already tell it's a well-crafted, well thought out movie. But alas, I'm a 25-year-old guy.

You see, I'm just getting sick of people telling me I should go see The King's Speech like everyone told me to go see Avatar. I had no interest to see it in the first place because subject matter just isn't in my wheelhouse of entertainment, and it winning a bunch of awards shouldn't change that.

First off, it's not going to live up to the hype now and I'll be like any other person who rents it thinking they'll be lulled into the great cinematic adventure known to man. "Oh well it was good.... it was good... wait, it won Best Picture?"

They really need to break "The Best of" for movies into several categories instead of just one. It's a movie about the King of England overcoming his stutter. I don't know if I want to invest two hours into that in a theater. There are a lot of people that would enjoy that kind of thing. I'm just not one of them.

Again, I'm sure it's really well done but I need a movie to mean something specifically to me before I watch it. Like The Hangover. I've been known to have a hangover or two. I can relate! British royalty and their speaking problems? No so much. Seriously. I know it's infinitely more in-depth than that, but when you're a busy working man like myself, you only get so much time to invest into your entertainment zone and this is not something I want on the mantle.

Why? Because I'm 25. I want a movie I can text quotes too and make analogies. I want a movie that for the most part when I say "Remember in the Hangover when..." most people know what I'm talking about. If I go "Remember in The King's Speech when..." somebody's eyeballs are liable to explode.

At least somebody in my age demographic. We like explosions, comedy and the occasional breast to appear on screen.

And heck, if it comes on TV, I might sit down and watch the thing. I might even rent it on DVD, but it's going to be on my terms.

Oh these people that sniff wine and tell me how grand this flick is remind me of San Antonio Spurs fans. They love telling you how great their team is and how wonderful and fundamental their team plays. But they do it more for their own general ego (Oh look at my cultured self I like Tim Duncan and his lack of spectacular dunking. Tony Parker is French! I'm so cultured) than for your own good as a basketball fan.

Face facts, Spurs fans, your team is old and about as fun to watch as a tree beetle documentary.

I feel like movie fans are telling me this movie is great just to think to themselves "Yes! I'm cultured, I loved the movie that won Best Picture! Whaaat? You don't want to see it? You're missing out. I'm better than you."

(The British are good about doing that)

And right about now you're probably thinking "pssh Brandon I don't think I'm better than you because I saw the Kings Speech and you didn't" ... well then why do you keep bringing it up?!?! My movie habits have no effect on you yet you still feel compelled to tell me how wonderful this movie is. Hmmmm...

So again, I'm sure it's a fantastic flick. I'm sure it does everything right. But it's not in my library of things to see. It's not a knock against it, but I have a certain requirement for the movies I like (lightsabers) and I stick to them.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see the A-Team.

Worst DVD commentaries

Star Trek V - Considered the worst of all the Star Trek films (I disagree, it's actually pretty entertaining), it was directed by none other than William Shatner. To listen to him talk about this movie just reinforces that (a) he's a crazy, lunatic, and (b) he should never be allowed to direct another film. He would say things like "See this part where I'm climbing up the rock signifies the human race progressing" and "You know... movies have budgets and sometimes you just run out of time without getting the shot you want. I remember a lot of this film was shot on the first take." ... explains a lot.

Titanic - Really James Cameron? We have to hear about how you went hugely over budget, spent more money than the gross national product of Haiti and created a sloppy movie that looks cheesy 12 years later? Congrats, you are a true visionary. Oh oh, yes lets break down the scene where Rose stripes too, because this is soooo important to the plot.

Any Oliver Stone movie - Just as you will recognize with everyone of his movies "crap, I'm watching a Oliver Stone movie" ... you will recognize that "crap, I'm listening to Oliver Stone talk about one of his movies and my ears are starting to burn."

Listen, the guys is entertaining, but much like Cameron he can't admit he just did something for the hell of it, he's got to come up with some obviously made up grandiose reason. Like Tom Cruise in a wheelchair. WHY?

Braveheart - Mel Gibson does the commentary, and it's exactly like watching the film in normal mode. Why? Because Gibson says like 10 things during the entire commentary.

"Yeahh....... right here.... yeah that's great scenery .... Wow.... great shot."

Thanks Mel.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Yeah having Leatherface do the commentary was a bad idea.

Ernest Scared Stupid - I just put this on here because I hate this movie, it scares the crap out of me every time.

For Sale: The glass house from Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Remember Cameron's house from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Its on the market and you can get a little bit of cinematic history.

Or live in it.

According to Gawker.com - Designer by architects A. James Speyer and David Haid in 1953, the cantilevered steel-and-glass property offers 5,300 square feet of living space and floor-to-ceiling windows throughout.

No word on whether or not Cameron's Dad's car comes with it.

Things not to do in a movie...

There are just some things you don't do when you're in a movie. Here's a couple of pointers, make sure you dont...

1. Ask Clint Eastwood sitting at a saloon if he's got a pistol - Chances are things are going to end badly. Either (a) an outlaw not really keen on you nosing around about his armament or (b) he'll just shoot you for kicks and giggles because he's Clint Eastwood.

2. If you see an alien spacecraft, don't climb into it - When is the last time that things turned out great for somebody that did that. Usually they end up getting eaten, vaporized or getting their body taken over. Save the alien investigation for a History Channel reality TV show. Rather prefer one of those reality TV show people to get eaten, vaporized or have their body taken over.

3. Trust the insanely rich guy that may or may not have ties with the Nazis - Hmmm, he's going after the Holy Grail? He has aspirations for world domination? Something tells me he's not going to follow through with the deal you made with him. Chances are you're going to get tied up next to a fireplace with an insanely hot Austrian women who struggles with her accent.

4. Wear a red shirt in Star Trek - You're so boned, you don't even know it.

5. In an emergency situation, say screw it and break off from the group - When has this worked, especially when you're being chased by some sort of evil creature? Its an even worse idea if you're not the survival expert/badass warrior. In fact, if you're played by that fat guy off of "Seinfield" you're royally screwed.

6. Follow that that commanding officer with an Moby Dick complex - Unlike the situation above, if he wants to drive the ship or squad into a suicide mission, it might be better to go AWOL.

7. Leave the bad guy laying down without checking if he's dead - I mean how tough is this? Kick the bad guy a few times, put a round in his head just to make sure they're gone. If it's a supernatural being, chances are it's going to jump back up before the closing credits and hurt somebody.

8. Make love with the evil-looking hot chick that may or may not be alien - Because the person that does this never just dies, he usually has his appendages torn off in some horrifying fashion.

9. Say "Well thats over" - Because as we know, it's never over, until someone gets an ice pick to the face.

10. Challenge the main character to a fight - If it's a cybernetic Arnold Schwarzenegger, you're so getting your face shoved on a restaurant grill.

Watch Cats fight while you read my "Predators" review

I must stress that you need to watch the entire video, it's hilarious and perfectly timed to the music. You might note that the birds are being big dicks during this fight.



Now, if you're bored, here is my review of the movie "Predators."


Predators (Rated R) 2010
An action movie with Topher Grace and Adrien Brody? That doesn't exactly get me pumped and spouting off Arnie lines going into it, but this could essentially be called a smart homage the original "Predator."

Several of the world's best killers find themselves all in a strange jungle after dropping from the air. Not the most complex plot in the world, but not a bad one either. At first they try to figure out where they are and then they realize, a little to quickly for my tastes, that they're on another planet where Predators hunt them... dum dum dum!!!!!

I do feel that the acting is done quite well and Adrien Brody does a fine job as the main lead. However, I keep have this nagging feeling he was miscast. In a movie like "Predators" you should go for at least one big Hollywood Gun instead of a guy known for dancing under pianos. Topher Grace actually fits in perfectly and I actually found myself not rooting for him to immediately get disembowels. A rare feet after Grace completely bastardized Eddie Brock and Venom in Spiderman 3. He plays a docter that is seemingly out of place among all the other soldiers and baddies but a nice twist at the end keeps you on your toes. One of my favorite characters Oleg Taktarov as the Russian bad arse. Plus he had a mini-gun.

All the action is done quite well and nothing is over-the-top ridiculous, all things considered. It would have been nice to see less of the Predators though. I felt that one of the biggest things in the original movie was that you didn't see the thing for very long and half of it was imagination. I understand that after a few movies, the scariness kind of wore off BUT I felt the movie was a whole lot more effective before they showed up and started ripping heads off. The build-up was great, and it was have been better to see them as a more stealthy ghost hunter to make it spooky. Just nitpicking here though.

As mentioned earlier, they figure out where they are and what's going on a little too quick. It's necessary for the movie to move along, but still felt kind of forced.

This are small things though. Overall it's a solid hollywood popcorn action movie, and the best Predator movie since the original.

Mark this one up as "scary"

So I decided to rent a movie last night at the local video store in Polson, MT. (Yes they still have video stores in Montana and they do quite good) I picked Event Horizon because it is probably one of the last sci-fi movies out there that I haven't seen. When I went to the counter to check it out, the clerk was like "Whooooah, Event Horizon, scared the crap out of me when I was a kid."

Oh boy, perhaps I picked the wrong movie, I was banking on the 1997/8 movie to have that cheesy 13-year old horror. You know, back in simplier times when horror movies were funny and not trying to rip off Saw.

Event Horizon didn't rip off Saw. It actually said to Saw "get out of here, I don't want you're conservative movie butt taking up space, I want to really gross out people."

If you want to see scenes of self mutilation, creepy screams and latin speaking, guys ripping their eyeballs out and the most graphic guy out in space without a spacesuit scene I've seen ever, than this is the movie for you!

As for me, about three minutes in, I was already turning every light on in the apartment.

This movie has an eerie sense of impending doom, and some of the nastiest surprises around. Don't eat dinner while watching this. So I'm here to warn you all, if you live alone in a studio apartment in Montana... don't rent this movie.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows full trailer

The final chapter of the Harry Potter saga hits theaters in November 2010 and the second half in June 2011.

Check out the new trailer.

JustSON at the Movies: The A-Team

So Casey sends me this text message "Go see 'The A-Team' it's the best movie of the year."

I chuckled at the absurdity of the text. The remake of The A-Team is a good movie? What's next? Mel Gibson's resurgence as a likable movie star?

Luckily, there is a movie theater right by my apartment and luckily, they were showing the movie. Going in, I had no expectations whatsoever except that it must be somewhat entertaining. The lights dimmed, the volume was turned up and for the next two hours I was pleasanty suprised.

It was a good action movie. There hasn't been a good, tongue-in-cheek action movie in a looooong time. It definitely stays true to its 80s TV series roots and feels like the kind of flicks you used to get when you were young and got to rent an Arnie movie from the video store.

It's pure entertainment. That's for sure. The action scenes are ridiculous but there's never a point during the movie where you think to yourself "well that's just cheesy" even though if I described the action scenes it would sound like a big bag of cheddar. It's not going to win any Oscars or anything along that line but the movie is cast well with Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton Jackson and Sharlto Copley.

The A-Team probably wont get high marks from the critics, but as a casual movie-goer I was very happy with what was delivered. The highlight was definitely Copley's portrayal of H.M. Murdock, the insane pilot of the A-Team. It wasn't just a gimmick that he was crazy but rather it was a wonderful quirk in his character.

Another thing the movie does well is excuting the "We have a plan, we're going to carry it out" segments that will probably piss off critics. It's been done roughly 1,238,452 times in movies, but it still is fun how this movie shows how a plan is formulated and how they carry it out. Usually the planning and executing footage happens at the same time, giving the action a very interesting and intelligent flow to it.

Anyways, Casey was right, go see The A-Team.

JustSON at the Movies: Robin Hood

I was disappointed when I heard that they were redo-ing Robin Hood. Kevin Costner's movie is still awesome and fantastic in every way (and I'll say that about any Costner movie), but Russell Crowe's offering is actually quite good.

But don't expect a Robin Hood movie. This isn't your normal "Here is the Sheriff, here is the merry men" parade that you're used to. Ridley Scott decided to take such a rapid departure from past Robin Hood movies (and cartoons and stories in general), that he basically goes off on his own adventure with it.

Scott does a good job making everything look real, and by that I mean you're looking at a movie for the most part that is almost all principal photography. Not a lot of CGI thrown in there or at least it looks like it. The close-ups of Robin Hood shooting a bow isn't 

Surprisingly, the Sheriff and even Prince John are small players in this movie. The Merry Men are in it, but more for comic relief. Maid Marian is a solid, almost complementary costar to Crowe (played by Cate Blanchette). 

That shouldn't be a surprise, Scott directed Alien and gave Sigourney Weaver the heroic role. He also portrayed Richard the Lionheart as a bit of a buffoon, and how he deals with Richard really throws you off for the rest of the movie and gives you a weird sense of "what the heck is gonna happen?" There's also a few new characters that really seem to fit in nicely.

Oh yeah, and the French are bad guys. How cool is that? 

You'll like this movie because it isn't just a remake... it's a completely different story.

JustSON at the Movies: The Crazies

Not usually a horror movie kind of guy as Casey can attest to. Apparently I curled up in a ball and cried like a little girl when we went to go see "Up" but I don't remember it because I blacked out from fear.

However, for some reason this zombie/military thriller looks really good. It's actually a remake of a 1973 George Romero movie. Romero was actually the guy that basically invented the zombie flick.

(Warning - the trailer is kind of graphic. Sorry.)

Movies I'd just rather avoid...

I've found myself with a lot more free time lately, giving me more chances to watch movies. However, I've discovered I should probably stay away from these piles of poo...

1. Land of the Lost 2 - Unless this is about Balloon Boy and his parents, I'm not paying eight bucks for Will Ferrell to do his best impression of Adam Sandler's career.

2. Any movie starring post-POTC Mel Gibson - Since the bubbly "What Women Want" image has been totally ruined with that nasty bigot attitude he decided to take on. I mean at this point, couldn't they just re-release Lethal Weapon 2?


3. Michael Moore's documentary on how the government makes people fat - because I'm pretty sure it's not the government, I'm sure it's Moore's addiction to french fries.

4. Sex in the City: The Movie - aka the search for more money because the cast blew all the money they made during the TV series on shoes. Every guy goes through a phase of his life where he watches this series with his girlfriend, finds that it's actually pretty funny and then he sees one of the cast members naked and wants to stab his eyeballs.

5. Any movie based on horses - really? Who gives an flying F about horses? If I wanted to see large furry beasts running around with guys on their backs I'd rent "Montana Girls Gone Wild"

6. Canadian Movies - they're in french and they use the metric system.

7. That movies with the computer animated smurfs - I have barely heard of this one, I think it's called Ervertar or something.

8. ESPN Original Films - otherwise known as "we just wanted to take three million dollars and set it on fire just to see what it does" or "what not to do if you're a film student at USC" or "we've officially jumped the shark and we're not showing sports anymore."