March 2, 2011

The King's Snooze-fest

I'm sure The King's Speech is a wonderful movie.

Judging from the clips they've shown so far in the movie I can already tell it's a well-crafted, well thought out movie. But alas, I'm a 25-year-old guy.

You see, I'm just getting sick of people telling me I should go see The King's Speech like everyone told me to go see Avatar. I had no interest to see it in the first place because subject matter just isn't in my wheelhouse of entertainment, and it winning a bunch of awards shouldn't change that.

First off, it's not going to live up to the hype now and I'll be like any other person who rents it thinking they'll be lulled into the great cinematic adventure known to man. "Oh well it was good.... it was good... wait, it won Best Picture?"

They really need to break "The Best of" for movies into several categories instead of just one. It's a movie about the King of England overcoming his stutter. I don't know if I want to invest two hours into that in a theater. There are a lot of people that would enjoy that kind of thing. I'm just not one of them.

Again, I'm sure it's really well done but I need a movie to mean something specifically to me before I watch it. Like The Hangover. I've been known to have a hangover or two. I can relate! British royalty and their speaking problems? No so much. Seriously. I know it's infinitely more in-depth than that, but when you're a busy working man like myself, you only get so much time to invest into your entertainment zone and this is not something I want on the mantle.

Why? Because I'm 25. I want a movie I can text quotes too and make analogies. I want a movie that for the most part when I say "Remember in the Hangover when..." most people know what I'm talking about. If I go "Remember in The King's Speech when..." somebody's eyeballs are liable to explode.

At least somebody in my age demographic. We like explosions, comedy and the occasional breast to appear on screen.

And heck, if it comes on TV, I might sit down and watch the thing. I might even rent it on DVD, but it's going to be on my terms.

Oh these people that sniff wine and tell me how grand this flick is remind me of San Antonio Spurs fans. They love telling you how great their team is and how wonderful and fundamental their team plays. But they do it more for their own general ego (Oh look at my cultured self I like Tim Duncan and his lack of spectacular dunking. Tony Parker is French! I'm so cultured) than for your own good as a basketball fan.

Face facts, Spurs fans, your team is old and about as fun to watch as a tree beetle documentary.

I feel like movie fans are telling me this movie is great just to think to themselves "Yes! I'm cultured, I loved the movie that won Best Picture! Whaaat? You don't want to see it? You're missing out. I'm better than you."

(The British are good about doing that)

And right about now you're probably thinking "pssh Brandon I don't think I'm better than you because I saw the Kings Speech and you didn't" ... well then why do you keep bringing it up?!?! My movie habits have no effect on you yet you still feel compelled to tell me how wonderful this movie is. Hmmmm...

So again, I'm sure it's a fantastic flick. I'm sure it does everything right. But it's not in my library of things to see. It's not a knock against it, but I have a certain requirement for the movies I like (lightsabers) and I stick to them.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see the A-Team.

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