Things not to say around your roommates

Living roommates is a complex thing, here are some things you probably shouldn't say to them.

1. Wow, hopefully that itch I have isn't something commutable to the toliet seat. Anyways, hope the Taco Bell was good man.

2. I let my girlfriend borrow your toothbrush, she forgot hers the night before because she had to get her herpes checked out.

3. You know that priceless family heirloom that you had? Oops, I'm a clutz.

4. So I'm just going to start smoking a bunch of pot. Your police cadet friend is coming over? I'm sure he's totally cool with it. Should I tell him about the phosphorus-rich dish soap you have? 

5. Your parents called, I told them you were in other room doing your girlfriend.

Take this advice to heart!