March 9, 2010

People I don't want to sit next to on the bus

1. People that randomly break out in song - Because this means I'm in some alternate reality where life is actually a musical. And I hate musicals. Espicially musicals about buses.

2. That guy that wears a top hat - aka Jack the freakin' Ripper. Sitting at the bus, staring straight forward, probably deciding how I'll look as a lampshade.

3. Gonzaga fans - Stop complaining about last night, you're still making the tournament.

4. That guy that dresses up like a Stormtrooper - Actually this guy is totally cool in my book.

5. The BO Person that wants to sit as close to possible to me as possible - And to better grasp the amount of BO, I would suggest you stuff your head into a pile of hockey equipment after a game. Then roll around in some cow excrement, sniff the bottom of a horse's hoof, dive into an outhouse head first and take a big sniff of that stinker the Zags laid down in Las Vegas!

6. Meth Addicts Anonymous - Did you just ask to use my phone? Why did you call all these numbers, why were they calling back and demanding money?

7. Super-talkative person - "How 'bout this weather?" ... shut up.

8. People that take up more than just one seat - Oh you're going to sit next to me? With your shopping cart of rare junk collectibles plucked from the mines of Spokane. Sure! Oh you're oozing over into me? I can feel your fat rolls. ick.

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