First Team
C - Dwight Howard - Shoulders are wider than Rosanne Barr.
F - LeBron James - Also a first-teamer on the Not-Human Squad.
F - Kevin Durant - Seattle fans should stay away from sharp objects.
G - Kobe Bryant - Still can't get Kobe's photoshoot out of my head.
G - Dwyane Wade - Charles Barkley should also be mentioned for the assist with this naming. He makes Dwayne Wade in those T-Mobile commercials.
Second Team
C - Amar'e Stoudemire - Now if he could stop calling everybody part of the 12 tribes of Israel.
F - Dirk Nowitzki - I'm glad Dirk Nowitzki is alive and well after his latest choke job.
F - Carmelo Anthony - His first name sounds like a candy bar.
G - Deron Williams - Might be the holder of the "worst hair in the NBA" award.
G - Steve Nash - Wait, nevermind.
Third Team
C - Andrew Bogut - Sadly, his elbow was not named to the third team, since it disintegrated in Bogut's horrible season-ending injury.
F - Tim Duncan - (Staring blankly at the screen with nothing to say)
F - Pau Gasol - If Pau ever comes out with a rap video, we will all be for the better.
G - Joe Johnson - He'd be cooler if his name was John Johnson.
G - Brandon Roy - Wish Brandon Roy was higher on this list. What the hell?
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