July 14, 2011
Why soccer fans are ruining soccer
My news feed blows up with a ridiculous amount of team spirit which would usually be welcomed but I just can't stand it anymore. I really do enjoy the Sounders, their games and what they have done for the Northwest and soccer.
But this team spirit that gets thrown on my Facebook news feed is like a monkey tossing its own excrement and expecting me to smell it.
Let me present the following...
1. You shouldn't get a pat on the back for being a soccer or Sounders fan.
I don't get a badge of honor or a Fight Club wink if I tell someone I like baseball. Honestly, nobody cares that I like baseball. Why would they, it's a pretty normal thing for a 20-something male to do. It's like saying I'm a fan of eating.
Talking about how awesome you are because you and your fans love soccer is annoying. Nobody cares that you like soccer. Get over yourself. Instead, you could make a snarky comment or funny take on the day's game. Ever notice how Seahawks fans always has something clever to say about the St. Louis Rams? Maybe you should start doing something like that. But....
2. Most new soccer fans don't know a thing about soccer
In order for me to be a fan of something, I need a backstory on the team. I need to know something about what's going on between the two teams. However, instead of actually following the sport, Sounders and Portland Timbers fans are more apt to post photos of thems getting their faces painted for the game.
And then some will even say "We're such big fans, we were too busy cheering we didn't even know the score of the game!"
..... that means you're not actually a fan of the team. You're a fan of being a fan. And it's SOCCCCER! There's like two, maybe three goals a game. Not that hard to follow. So instead of getting a passionate recap of what happened at the day's match, if you ask somebody who went to a soccer game how things went, you get something like this...
"Yeah a lot of people showed up and we cheered a lot and two teams played. Chuck got a ear piercing. I dressed up like a Sounders Boba Fett. Jerry played Magic the Gathering during the game on the bleachers. It was sooo cool."
That's usually what MLS soccer fans say. Not kidding. While a baseball team can tell you why their game was important, the key plays of the game and what it means for the season, most new soccer fans in Seahawks Stadium, couldn't tell you the Sounders' leading goal scorer.
In essence, they're not even front-running fans (the worst kind of fans). They're not fans at all. They belong at a Star Trek convention.
3. Most die-hard soccer fans can't explain the complexity of the game to new fans
Because they're snobs. I'm sorry, but they're huge snobs. If you don't know the best teams in Europe, they won't even want to go out and get a cup of coffee with you.
Much like hockey fans, who explain the game as well as college math class TA with a speech impediment, if you try to follow a soccer game with die-hard soccer fans, you're going to be about as confused as Courtney Love after a night out on the town.
They don't explain anything. They don't talk about why rivalries are important, and why they're rivalries. Then they whine about soccer about not being a bigger sport.
You know it isn't? Because you don't go out and promote your own sport. You just assume everyone should know just as much as you.
4. The media sucks when it comes to covering soccer
Can you think of the best soccer news website? The best soccer writer? Can you think of a stat that can figure out the value of a player? Nope. Nope. Nope.
The things that fans really want... drama, back stories, interesting statistics, reasons to watch games and some media personalities just don't exist in soccer as they do in the other sports.
Instead, you just have a bunch of people dressing up like they're going to Harry Potter convention.