Video Bites delay

I apologize.

But due to unexplained events (let's just say it involved a moose, my camera and butter) there is no Video Bites tonight.

However, don't worry. We'll be back in full force on Friday. And it will be a good one. Oh it will be a good one.

And keep an eye out for the NEW Video Bites intro. It's amazing! (AKA Brandon and I didn't make it)

Reasons why you're single: When in the gym you hump a moose

Just South of North runs a reoccurring topic called, "Reasons why you're single." Well, today's event was far to good for just a short post. It got me thinking about all of the people in the gym.

Today I will talk about the reasons most of the people who go to gyms are single. Now I know that doesn't seem right. As in, "I go to the gym to look damn fine for the ladies." And while you may not be single outside of the gym, inside, you're a moron.

Guy 1: When working out always use the weight clamps
I don't know what it is with some guys, but many think that the weight clamps are not manly or something. However, I will tell you what is manly. Not using them, doing squats, loosing your balance, having the weights on one side slide off, which then makes the bar unbalanced causing the weights on the other side to flip and slide off too. All smashing to the ground and breaking a giant mirror on the wall.

Yeah, that's manly. And that is what I saw today.

Use the freaking weight clamps douchebag! It's not that hard. Oh wait, I forgot, you were trying to look cool.

Woman 1: When you go to a gym and think you're hot stuff, you probably aren't
You can spot (or hear) these girls a mile away. The tight clothes, the sports bra top, and the LOUD voice. Because what better way to get all of the people in the gym staring at you then too draw as much attention to yourself as possible? Talking really really loud will do this. And then you can flaunt what your mama gave you. Problem is, the girls that think they have it all, are usually the ones who don't. Yeah, they are usually about a 4. Maybe a 5. (depends on how many miles I had just run and if my vision is blurry because of it)

Guy 2: When performing your lifts, do not make noises like a moose in heat
Yes, you might be lifting a lot. Yes, it is probably heavy. Yes, it is more than most of the people around you can do. No, you do not have to grunt like you're a badass.

Tell me this, if you HAVE to grunt to lift weights, why doesn't everyone do it then? Because you don't have to. I can do my entire workout (yes, that includes lifting heavy weights) without grunting. I might breath heavy, but I don't make noises like I'm pushing out a kidney stone while lifting.

Woman 2: If you don't know how to use the machine, ask someone
Most people in a gym are really nice (minus the examples I've listed on this page) and if you just asked, they will help.

Instead, this lady gets on a machine, doesn't know how to use it. Gets off and waits around for someone else to use the machine. She then studies their every movement. Once they leave, she jumps back on, tries it again. Fails. Then stands to the side and waits for someone else. This repeats for the entire length of the workout. Yeah, feel the burn.

Guy 3: When you lift, bring a towel
This is just common courtesy. You're working out, you're gonna sweat. Yet, there is always the guy who comes in (usually wearing the cut off t-shirt so his pits are really hanging out there) and he sweats like a turkey in November. Everywhere.

He'll get up from the bench press and leave behind a puddle the size of Lake Erie. And of course he has no towel to clean up his leaky skin. He just moves on to the next machine. Which then forces me to walk to the paper towel machine, grab the cleaning spray and wipe up most of the Mississippi that he left on the bench.

Guy 4: When working out, pick a machine. Don't take up a whole area
There are more people in the gym than just you. Pick one machine and do your workout on it, then move to the next. This guy was never taught to share. He takes up seven different lifting areas, claiming the machine with various things he brought. An iPod on the bench press, a towel draped on the incline press, a shoe on the low row machine, a pair of pants on the bicep curl bench, his sweat puddle on the lat pull downs, you get the idea. And then, when you ask to work in, he says he's using all of them and to just wait.

I then move his stuff and use it anyway. Butthead.

Guy 5: Always flexing in the mirror
Now this is fine. It doesn't bother me. If you want to check yourself out, that's fine, be my guest. The problem arises when you stop in front of me (I am using the mirror to check my form during my lift) to flex your triceps, clench your ass and grunt. Get out of my way, you could see I was lifting here. Besides, you're 6'3" and weigh about 140. You're not exactly Mr. Muscle.

Guy 6: If you're listening to your own music, don't sing along
Sure the gym doesn't have the best selection of music, but it sure sounds better than you trying to sing to Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf. Your version sounds more like a seagull choking on a taco. I don't know whether to tell you to shut up or to give you the Heimlich maneuver.

Guy 7: When lifting, always use the correct form
There is nothing more annoying then watching some guy slap on WAY too much weight, grab the lat pull down, and hump his way to 10. You're not doing anything. If you want to lift, then lift right. Don't lift dumb.

Then you get the guy who combines most of these.
The non weight clamp using, moose humping, overly sweaty, singing to Kelly Clarkson guy whose performing the lift wrong. And if you see him in the gym, just go home. Take a day off. After putting up with all these people, you deserve it.

If you fit one of these, then chances are you now have a reason why you're single.

Northwest animals I don't want to meet in the dark

Nighttime visitors to Maine's Rolland F. Perry City Forest may want to watch their backs. Apparently a territorial great horned owl has been "attacking" nighttime cross country skiers in the area.

He'll fly up behind then and smack the skier on the back of the head.

This got me thinking, I certainly wouldn't want to be smacked by an owl and his talons. And since I spend a lot of time in the woods, here's my Top 10 least favorite Pacific Northwest animals to run into at night time.

10. Slug/snail - Just look at the photo above. These things may seem slow and slimy, but they're crazy! Just look at those teeth!

9.Giant Puget Sound octopus - Not only could he suck my face off with one of his tentacles, but he could crush my head with any of his eight arms.

8. Western rattlesnake - A snake bit would not be fun. Let alone at night time. At least they hangout on the eastside of the state. Suckers.

7. Northern scorpion - Putting on a boot with a scorpion in it is not a good way to head to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

6. Cougar - The giant cat kind would tear me apart. The Washington State kind is just annoying. If I had the choice between the two, I'd rather take my chances with the big cat.

5. Angry prairie dog - If you try to pet these guys they bite. I know this. First hand.

4. A rutting moose - That, nobody wants to see. Get a room.

3. Orca - A giant whale that could eat me while I kayak in the Puget Sound, or jump out of the water and crush me. Not a good way to enjoy a full moon kayak trip.

2. Sasquatch - A: Nobody would believe me. B: He'd probably beat me up.

1. Brown bear - Especially a brown bear with her cub. I'd be lunch.

A moose invasion

Another one of those "Only in Spokane" stories as a moose calf crashed into a couple's basement bedroom and had to be tranquilized and removed.

A north Spokane couple that’s expecting a baby got an early arrival Thursday evening when a moose calf dropped into a bedroom through a basement window.

Tony Mantese reported the moose-entry incident around 4:30 p.m. from his home on Stevens Street just north of Francis Avenue. The moose apparently had been taking advantage of the shallower snow around the neighborhood buildings when it fell into a deep window well. As is struggled to get out and rejoin its mother and sibling, it kicked through the window and fell into the house.

“I got the call around 6 p.m. that there was a moose in somebody’s basement,” said Woody Myers, a Washington Fish and Wildlife Department biologist trained to tranquilize big-game animals. “I said ‘You’re kidding’ and the officer quite sternly said, ‘No I’m not.’ ”

Myers, a 32-year veteran with the wildlife agency, is the region’s go-to-man for tranquilizing moose and other big game. He said this is a first.

The article also said that tough winters like the one Spokane is currently having is causing wildlife to go places that they would not normally go. Six elk were also killed a little while back when the hay barn they were taking refuge in collapsed due to the weight of snow.

In other words, expect company from the animal kingdom for dinner.